I would like to thank Dave, Matt, and Ammon for asking me some questions. I guess I don't have much to say by way of introductions, you all know me. At least you think you do...
David
Hey Jon, what if your Mom pinned Matt down today? Would you shart yourself and sit on his face?
(Me) Well Dave, I can't change who I am. I am a sharter. I always have been, and I probably always will be. I'm not opposed to the idea of sharting and sitting on Matt's face, but I don't think I would get away with it. If Matt caught wind of what was going on, if he felt my mom spring on top of him to hold him down and saw his 26 year old brother crawling around the corner with crap in his pants and a crazed look in his eyes, he'd definitely summon the strength to repel both of our attacks. The only way this would be remotely possible would be if I snuck up on Matt when he was sleeping and tried it. But even then, Hannah, his wife, screams and flails around around in the bed every time something moves or makes noise in the house while she's sleeping, so I don't think I'd make it past his security system. Years of breathing in poopy diapers has made Matt all the wiser, and he has set up a pretty secure system to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Are your feelings hurt that nobody picked you for the island? Yeah, Matt sort of picked you, but it seemed like he favored Brian. Why do you think that is?
No, my feelings aren't hurt. I'm glad that nobody wants me to be with them on that stupid island... I hate that island! With all it's pretty beaches and coconuts... Actually, now that I think about it, I'm a little surprised that nobody's picked me. I lived in the Caribbean for 2 years, so I know how to climb coconut trees, cut a coconut, keep mosquitoes off me, make clothing out of palm leaves (seriously, I do), and all kinds of other stuff. I think I could come in handy out there on that island. Plus, I've survived some weird situations. Like going to Africa, that was a 2 week long game of "Survivor: Botswana/South Africa". Yeah, why doesn't anyone pick me, I could pull my weight?... Anyway, I think the real reason people don't pick me is because I'm like the task master with Bolts of Thunder, and nobody wants to be on the island with their boss, you know how it is. Yeah, that's why nobody wants me on the island...
Is there going to be some more blading in your new part?
Quite possibly. The last time I tried to rollerblade, I slipped out really bad and my wrists hurt for months. I can't risk that kind of injury again. I do have a couple exercise moves in my part though, I demonstrate how to properly perform a leg lift.
Ammon
Remember that scandal back in 2004 when you got caught collecting pubes off of soap bars? What has been the impact of that even on you and your family? Do you still consider yourself skateboarding's role model?
I thought we were past all this Ammon. And I thought you said you weren't going to bring it up anymore... Since the events of that cold day, my life has been forever changed. I have had to unfortunately relinquish my title as skateboarding's role model in order to seek after professional help. I was thrown out of a clinic 30 minutes after I checked myself in, and I haven't had help since. But I wish people would still accept me for who I am. I wish my family and friends would completely and unwaveringly forgive me and forget about it.
Ammon
What would you do if someone accused you of being a scoundrel and a baby eater?
I'd give the man or woman who dare say that to me a backhand 'cross the face, spit on them, then eat their baby.
Matt
What's the scariest trick you've ever tried?
The most recent one that comes to mind is trying that gap to power box to mega gap out. I don't really know why I wanted to do it so bad because I was so frightened of it. It's weird too, because the first time I skated it was at night, I could hardly see anything. It was so dark you couldn't even see it in the camera. Then the next day I 5-0ed it and slammed on it pretty good. I thought for sure I was going to break my knee because of how off-balanced I was in the air. Every time I tried it I had some kind of crazy slam. I had a couple nightmares of that thing, like breaking my leg on it and stuff. So that didn't make it easier when I went there to try it, but I tried it anyway.
Going back a couple years, a pretty scary trick was this front board I did on an 11 stair in St George way back when. I was 18, so that was over 8 years ago. I always thought it would be rad if someone skated the rail, but nobody ever did. Then one day the "Termite" team came through St George. Termite was a team for little kids, they made boards for little kids to skate. They were supposed to put on a demo at the St. George park, so we all showed up. It looked like a day car center with like 10 little kids with bright red and blue helmets trying to ollie on flat ground. Then the driver dude, he was like a 40 year old man that drove a bunch of 9 year olds around in a van-kind of weird and creepy dude, asked us if we knew of any spots they could skate, specifically any handrails. I was with Chris Ray, Matt Pace, and Randy Delucchi, so we went out to this 11 stair. I thought we were taking the little kids to their deaths, this was a pretty big rail. But this little kid Evan got out of the van and boardslid it first or second try. After that we all knew the rail was skateable, an 11 year old showed up generations of St. George skaters that threatened to skate the rail. So a couple months later when my foot got better (it was broken when we went there with the kids), I went back and front boarded it. I was super nervous, but Matt Pace got me motivated to do it by singing 2112, the Rush song. So I tried it a couple times, slid to the bottom, my wheel flew off the board when I was on the rail, and I slammed at the bottom. That completely destroyed my trucks, so I couldn't skate it any more. I was pretty bummed, but there was nothing to do. So that night I was talking to some friends and told them that I tried the rail. Chris Ray was there and wanted to film it, so he said he'd bring his lights and generators if I went back and did it. I really didn't want to, but I did at the same time, so we went back and lit it up. Probably like 10 or more of my friends were there watching, so I had to go for it, even though I wasn't that warmed up. But I did it in a couple tries. Then I wanted to 50-50 it, but while I was walking up the stairs, I stepped on a stair wrong and tweaked my ankle... Anyway, that was scary.
Going back even further, the first time I tried to 50-50 a rail, I was scared out of my mind. It's this perfect 5 stair square rail in St. George, and I tried to ollie onto it. I don't know what happened, but my shin, instead of my board, landed on the edge of the rail, and I cut my shin open pretty bad. It took me a day of bleeding profusely out of my leg to convince my dad that I needed stitches.
Matt
What's the scariest situation you've ever been in out skating?
I've had a couple really scary police chases. There was this cop in St. George, officer Collard, that would scream at you when he caught you skating somewhere. One time he called in back up on us for skating at this church. He was threatening all of us with jail time and crap like that. But we all denied that we were skating, and he never actually saw us riding our boards, he just saw us sitting with our boards, so I guess that wasn't enough to get us thrown in prison for life. We ended up getting out just fine...
It's always really scary when someone hurts themselves, I hate that more than anything. The absolute worst was this kid Brant in St. George when he broke his arm. He was the scary kid that you hated to see skateboard because he had no balance, no skill, rode super fast and all over the place, and would try to boardslide 12 stair rails when he couldn't even stick a solid ollie on flat ground. And then when he'd go down, he'd go down hard. He shouldn't have been skating. So he tried to ollie this flat gap, stuck, slammed way harder than he should have, and when he popped up, his arm looked like an S. Literally. I have the footage, it's in the intro of "Shred Zeppelin". Me and Randy took him to the hospital, and he was super calm the entire time. All he said was, "That gap got the best of me..." He ended up getting all these plates and crap in his arm, it was a bad ordeal.
Another scary one was my friend Jed. He's pretty much what I just described above, except he could do the basics in skating. But sometimes he'd try these crazy kinked rails when he shouldn't have. So we were skating in down town San Bernardino one night, and he tried to front board a long, mellow rail. Keep in my he can't front board a flat bar. He slipped out the second his board touched the rail and he fell about 3 feet straight to his face. His face hit the ground before his hands or any other part of his body. Blood was coming out of his eyes, nose, and mouth. I had to drive his VW Bug home, and it had all these crazy things to it, like you couldn't let it idle or it would die, first gear didn't work, and it couldn't go up hills. It didn't help that I had to drive it up a mountain to get him home. That was pretty scary because he was in and out of it, and I didn't know if he was brain damaged or something. But he started yelling and swearing at me when I said I was taking him to the hospital, so I took him home so his parents could take him. He broke his cheek bone, but he was out skating a couple days later. Good old Jed...
Matt
Of all the videos you've made, what's the one thing you regret the most or are the most ashamed of?
All the slow motion in my Lip Trix part. That's an example of me trying to be someone I'm not...
Matt
How did Bolts of Thunder come about?
Me and Matt were making fun of crappy mormon movies, and we were discussing our own break off version of mormon movies that have lots of violence and stuff in them. Our production company was going to be called "Thunder House", making fun of "Hail Storm," the actual Mormon movie production company. Then I remembered how a couple days/weeks/months/years earlier (I can't remember when), I accidentally said that I saw a bolt of thunder when I meant lightning. The second I said "Bolt of Thunder," we both knew it was going to be the name of our next skate video. So that's what it was for a while, it was never the name of a team or whatever. But then after we met Dave and skated with him, he started saying stuff like he was sponsored by Bolts of Thunder and stuff. It kind of became a team then with me, Matt, Nick, Dan, and Dave. Ammon too, of course. That's how it came about...
Matt
What about the island scenario?
Since nobody wants me on the island, I will go alone. I'll just bring a volleyball and talk to it. Maybe my skateboard, I'd talk to that too... No, I never imagined being on the island alone. I always thought that the entire team would be there, and each person would play their part. That's how it works now, everyone on the team has their own personalities and stuff. That's what makes it so much fun. That's how I see the island going down. We'd rage war against the cannibals and most likely go down in a last stand Alamo situation. We'd conquer or die like men, leaving our mark in history...
so disappointed that you jumped the gun on this one...
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