Thursday, May 31, 2012
So it's my interview tomorrow and the questions are coming directly from you, the readers. So leave questions on this post and I'll answer them tomorrow. This post is directed mainly towards Matt, Ben, Rachel, and others that have not yet commented. I guess that's all I have to say. My brain is fried from building the structure to end all structures over at my mom's garden. A true marvel to modern engineering it is...
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
So I know I've put this picture on the blog several times, but I'm putting it up again today. I just got word from MTV that Dave's slam on this rail is going to be on their show "Ridiculousness" next Monday night. I'm dead serious. Someone that works for the show saw Dave's slam on youtube a while back and contacted us to see if they could use it. After signing a bunch of paperwork and crap, they said they'd put it on the show. They just emailed me and told me that the slam is going to be on Monday night's show, this coming up Monday night, at 10:00. So if you feel like you can handle an hour of Rob Dyrdek acting gangster and making fun of people for slamming on stuff that he'd never dare try, tune in for the show and try to spot out Dave's wreck...
In other Dave news, he told me last week that he got third place in a contest over in Paris. I'm pretty sure it came down between him and Bastien Salabanzi and Lucas Puig. Dave's double flip front board down the 14 stair wasn't enough to take down Bastien's cheering for himself or Lucas' switch stance, so Dave didn't win. But good job, Dave!!! Proud of you for representing Bolts of Thunder over there. You are representing, right?
This next paragraph comes to you in the form of an apology. Or more of a confession really. And it's not really directed towards all of you, but to one person in particular. AJ. Remember last week skating at Lion's park and you said, "man, I can smell the sewer or something..." and I just stood there sheepishly and said, "yeah, me too..." That smell that was so potent, so strong, so rotten that you automatically assumed it came from no one individual but rather a collection of individuals' waste that had been sitting in pipes under ground. AJ... That was no sewer you smelt. It was me. Now I don't blame you for thinking it smelt like a sewer. I did too. It wasn't natural how it smelt. I could feel it brewing in my stomach, and I tried going downwind from you so you wouldn't become a victim of my half-digested lunch's wrath. But I misjudged the wind and got upwind from you, blowing my filth into your face. I'm sorry for doing it, and I haven't been able to sleep well at night as a result. I'm coming out publicly and telling you that I will not do it again. Not intentionally, at least.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Ben Gringeri. He's Italian. And this is his interview. So I've only known Ben a little while, but he's Bolts of Thunder through and through. He was Bolts of Thunder before he even knew what Bolts of Thunder was, which made him automatically fit into the group. Ben always surprises me when we skate because out of nowhere and with no warning he'll pull off some crazy trick you haven't seen anyone do since the 90s, and he pulls them off clean which clearly means he's been practicing. I guess I'm trying to say that he doesn't really care about the latest styles and trends in skating, he's as clueless as I am, so when we skate it's just about skating. Also, Ben reminds me of Dan more than anyone else on Bolts of Thunder because he seems like he's super talented in everything that he touches. Like in church one time he got up and played some amazing song on the piano that I think he just made up. Then last week he said he hit a grand slam in softball. Anyway, Ben is awesome, and we're happy to have him on board. In this interview you're going to find out more about our friend, what makes him tick, what his aspirations are in life, and why he can love skateboarding, soccer, basketball, baseball, biking, snowboarding, and everything else there is to love in this world all at the same time.
And by way of reminder, don't forget to leave comments asking me some questions for my interview this Friday. Leave them on this or any other post this week before Friday. Thanks to all who have already left questions...
Oh yeah, and welcome blog follower number 43, Elizabeth Earnshaw!!! I think she's Ben's wife (the last name's throwing me off. Could be a maiden name. Could be a trick. Or I could just have the wrong person), which would make the timing perfect for this interview...
(Mr BoltsofThunder) The world wants to know, who are you, and what are you doing to Bolts of Thunder?
(Ben) I was that kid by himself skating the parking lot by himself because I believed that nobody skated in Provo. (longboarding doesn't count). I was adopted by Bolts of Thunder and I haven't looked back since. I guess you could say I'm just trying to keep the dream alive with the rest of the thundies that just cuz you're married, going to school, have a job, or just getting older, it doesn't mean you can't do tricks on a skateboard.
How did you get involved in this organization, and do you consider it a fairly buoyant vessel or a sinking one?
In church I started using my phone as a finger board, and got embarassed when I realized someone saw me. That someone was Jon, and he asked if I skated. After a strenuous tryout period along with AJ, we were ushered into the organization. It's definitely buoyant..there's a vid coming out!What motivates you to go out and skate?
I just like doing tricks, learning new things and such. Also, watching everybody else learn new stuff is cool to see.How long have you been skating, how did you start, and why did you start?
I started skating about when I was 10 i think. I'm not too sure. All I know is that my brother got me into it by hustling me for a few bucks to buy his really old crappy board. I finally got my own for Christmas some time after that, but if it weren't for my brother, I would have never started.You strike me as the athletic type. Actually, I know you're athletic. What are some of the sports you're involved in, and why do you do so many things?
I think I've tried just about everything, even fencing. I do a ton of stuff though, and it's because I've always wanted to get good at things. I don't really know why, it's just a drive to learn how to do everything. Besides skating, I climb at least 4 times a week, I mountain bike, I'm on a soccer and a softball team right now, I play basketball, and I run. I normally snowboard too, but that season ended months ago... bad season. I dunno, there's a different reason for doing each one.Do you have any good fight stories? When's the last time you were in a fight, and what happened there?
I have more "almost fight" stories than anybody should...complements of Provo. I'm not exactly intimidating or big or anything, but the 4 times somebody has tried to start a fight here in Provo THEY have been the ones to change their minds (or a friend intervened). Crazy how that works.
However, this one time in 4th grade there was this kid playing soccer and he got all up in my face for some reason, so I tripped him like Ryu from street fighter and he slammed his head on the ground. Everybody crowded around cuz he was crying and the Vice principal showed up out of nowhere so I left the crowd and never got in trouble for it.
Not much of a fight story but it was the first one that came to mind.
You always seem like you're down to skate whatever, whenever. When you go out skating, do you have a preference of what to skate, or are you just down to skate whatever?
I'm just down to skate whatever, except I'm really bad at skating the ledge at King's park (I think that's the name) everybody else can 50-50 it all the way across and I still haven't done that. I still like skating gaps a lot though. Gaps and banks. and ledges. and manual pads. I guess it depends on the day.
Who would win in a fight, Bruce Lee or Bruce Willis?
Bruce Lee for sure! A fair fight anyway. Sure, Bruce Willis could win with a gun, and he could probably take me out easy, but Bruce Lee would crescent kick him in the face and he'd be out.Have you ever had to fight an animal? If so, what went down?
A goose. They are vicious birds that will come after you if you get too close. I was being a little nosier than I should and the thing came after me. I panicked and kicked that thing so hard. It let out a crazy squawk, and we left it at that.
Still, I've always wanted to jump on a cow's or an ostrich's back or some other big animal and see what it would do.
Ok, so let's say that you were on one of your little nature hikes out in the woods. Not much unlike the scene from "Old Yeller", you found yourself trapped up against some rocks, surrounded by wild boars with razor sharp tusks. You have a small pocket knife on you that you carry on such hikes. You might be able to climb out of your entrapment, but not before at least one of the boars took a good chunk of leg out of you. How would you protect yourself? Who would win, you or the boars? Do you see yourself eating pork chops this night, or will the boars be eating Ben chops?
I think I'd give it a good fight, but wild boars are nuts. I might take one or two out, but I think I'd be speared in the end.
Any good camping or scouting stories for us? We're open to pretty much anything, as you might expect: fighting, falling, diarrhea, mischief, or any kind of stories you wish to share.
My scoutmaster wanted to take a picture of a bear at scout camp so he camped off in the woods one night and he left food out on purpose. He got attacked. Pretty crazy. He's still alive though so no worries. I don't think he got a picture though, but the battle wounds are proof enough.
You've seen the videos and heard stories of the original Bolts of Thunder members. Who, of all of them, would you like to meet the most and why? Who would you want to skate with the most?
Dave McDonald. That kids a beast, and I feel like he would make me wanna try stuff that I normally wouldn't/shouldn't. While AJ and I would be complaining about how much our backs hurt from trying that 3 rail, he would have tried something crazy and wouldn't stop til he landed it.What are some of your favorite parts of the first two Bolts of Thunder videos?
My favorite intro is probably Nick's. The drama is hilarious, and the picture with the helmet belongs in an art museum. Jon's part is solid though, and some of the bigger tricks were crazy..back lip down 9, kickflip foot plant, etc.What would you like to see in this next video?
I want to see everyone step it up. I don't care what that means for different people. I wanna see Jon do a huge kickflip down a big gap and a line with a nollie hardflip or nollie 3 flip in it. I wanna see Matt fakie flip into the banks and shuv the grass gap. I wanna see AJ learn kickflip backside smiths and do it on something. As for myself, I recently was taught how to kickflip properly, so imma try to do some of those solid on flatground.So now we move into our zombie apocalypse scenarios. Who, of any Bolts of Thunder members, would you choose to be with you during the zombie apocalypse? How would you guys stay alive, and what would you do to fill your time?
I feel like Matt would be a good person to have around. I feel like he would throw down hard if the occasion called for it or have some sort of plan already worked out. Also, he's seen a lot more movies than I have where this kind of stuff probably happens so I think he's the most prepared.Now we say that the entire Bolts of Thunder crew is together and well armed. However, the zombies have picked up our scent and are closing in on us. How would we stay alive? How would Bolts of Thunder make its stand?
AJ would be the first to go because I think he would try and make friends with them--he's just a nice guy--, and it wouldn't work out. Jon would probably fool them by pretending to be a zombie until he could make his getaway. Matt would suit up with a gun and dominate some gentes. I'm not sure what I'd be doing, but I think we'd all survive except for AJ..sorry buddy.
I'm out of questions, so do you have anything else you'd like to say?
just that I'm really excited for the video and thankful for everybody's hard work filming and editing and such.
Friday, May 25, 2012
They say you're not one to handle the truth all that well. Is this true? Why don't we find out. I will give you the truth. Next week. Not today. I have no truth in me today... This is a very round about way of asking you for some help. So we've been doing interviews again lately, but because I'm the writer, I have nobody to interview me. So I'm going to ask you to ask me questions via comments on the blog, and next week on Friday I will answer all questions. That will serve as my interview. Last time Matt and Dave asked some questions, and I thoroughly enjoyed them. This time I would like to have more participants. So I am giving you an entire week this time to think of questions to ask me, and next week I will answer them. Got it? So just leave comments either to this post or any post up and coming in the next week, and I will respond to those questions.
And if you don't ask me questions, I will make up my own ones and answer them. Don't believe me? TRY ME! Actually, don't try me, just take my word for it. Come on, you can imagine me having a conversation with myself on the blog. It happens almost every post I put up. So don't try me because I want your questions. Am I coming off as desperate here? You have made me very desperate...
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
I just wrote this long post and erased it all. It was not suitable for publishing, not even on this blog. Yeah, that's how racy I can be, when provoked. So I'm just going to let you look at Zak's frowny face and wish you knew what it was that I wrote about before I erased it. It had something to do with angry fan mail, selling out, getting political, people using other people for crap they don't need, my broken ribs, and hopes for a smiley future. That's all I remember.
Monday, May 21, 2012
So I've decided to be extra productive this summer, and I've gotten myself a third job: babysitting. No joke. I babysit a six year old boy, and we have a lot of fun together. Or at least we did today. Today was my first day on the job. And as a first day of babysitting, I was not let down. Already as a babysitter I've cleaned up throw up, watched hours of cartoons, taught the kid how to wipe after going to the bathroom (he wanted me to wipe for him, so I decided it was high time he learned to do it himself. He did just fine...), and rekindled my love for legos.
Yeah, so the kid threw up this morning, twice, and he didn't even cry. I didn't even know he threw up the first time, I just thought he was going to the bathroom. I still have to hold back tears today when I throw up, it's no easy task. But he hunched over the toilet like a seasoned veteran and threw up with not a single tear in his eye, before or after. What a kid... Then I was seriously a little upset when he changed the channel in the middle of "Kung Fu Panda" the tv show. It was a good episode, and I don't know how it finished... Anyway, we're hard at work here at Bolts of Thunder. Not on a video or anything, but actual work. Just thought you should know.
That photo up there is what we call gold old fashioned old school riding...
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Going pro is just so awesome. Seriously, because people pay you. I would know... Or at least I will...
This picture was taken back when skating on home appliances was perfectly acceptable in our modern society. I miss those days. I think we need to focus a lot more of our attention on the home appliance aspect of skating and make those things useful for a change. Like this refrigerator. Probably never did any good until it was set down this gap and back tailed... Thank you, AJ, for giving this fridge some purpose in life.
Today I am announcing that I am finally realizing my dream of becoming a professional skateboarder. A professional in the sense that someone will pay me for time spent on my skateboard, not in the sense that I'm sponsored, have my own board, and people think I'm good. The Provo city rec center is starting a skateboarding class, and I just got hired as its instructor!!!! No joke. There are going to be classes Monday through Thursday, and kids will come to learn the basics of skateboarding. Going to the job interview was awesome because I actually got to bring my skateboard and show the people how to ollie. I had the city planner in the air in no time with rumors of these skills passing into the mayors office. The classes start soon, so if you know of anyone that wants to take skateboarding classes, bring them to the teen center in Provo and get them signed up. I'll be their teacher. So, yes, I am entering the ranks of the professional elites now that people are paying me to skateboard. I'm going to write "professional skateboarder" on all of my legal documents from now on...
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
So I broke my ribs last week. I'm not exaggerating either to say that I slammed on them, but I seriously broke them. Not all of them. I actually don't know how many or what, but I know that one of them is really swollen and is giving me grief all the time. It hurts to do most of my favorite activities, including skateboarding, sleeping, breathing, thinking, threatening, insulting, and glaring. Eating doesn't hurt, so I'm grateful for that. I hurt it skating the Springville ramp doing a trick I can land pretty much every try, but this one just got away from me. I was doing a kickflip rock to fakie, flew too close to the sun on wings of confidence, landed on the deck like I wanted to blunt the heck out of it, slipped out, and fell straight down on my ribs on the coping. I felt and heard my ribs crack and my vital organs get pushed down into my stomach for a brief moment. Rachel was there too, which sucked falling so hard in front of her. All I could say as she asked if I was alright was, "take a picture..." in my air knocked out of me voice. So it sucks breaking your ribs because there's nothing you can do to make it better except wait it out. And breaking your ribs sucks because it gets in the way of your palates class...
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
For those of you that know me, you know that I'm not always challenging people to a game of skate. Actually, you might know me really well and didn't realized that. In case you didn't know, I'm not usually one to challenge people to skate. Or even to participate in skate. But being in St George a couple weeks ago with my homies Randy and Joey, I had to, for old times' sake. So we had ourselves a good old fashioned game of skate at the park, and Rachel took secret photos. I just saw them on my computer and thought I should put them up. I will say this, Randy still has springs in his legs and the coolest looking kickflips and frontside flips I've ever seen, and Joey hasn't lost a bit of pop or flip since I last saw him...
Friday, May 11, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I just saw these pictures on my flash drive. I forgot they were even on there. This is Aaron Lopez doing what he does best. Skating. Actually, I don't know if that's what he does best. Maybe he's super amazing at something else, too. Either way, he's a ripper on his board, no doubt about that. Enjoy these high risk tricks for the day.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
This is Chad. I don't know Chad's last name, so we'll just call him Chad for now. He's "Chad Skater" in my phone, so you can refer to him as such if you wish. Or just Chad, like we said in the first place. So this is Chad's debut on the Bolts of Thunder blog, but I don't even have a face shot of him. You'll just have to wonder what he really looks like until I get on the ball and start documenting this stuff. So Chad's from Mapleton, which they tell me is farther south than Springville. Almost every time I think about Springville, I think of two things and a person. The person is David Law. He's from there, and I believe he partially owns that park or something. One of the things I think of is the park, and more specifically, the half pipe. I love that thing. The other thing I think of is this time I saw this cop show on TV where they'd hide all these cameras in a hotel room and bust people for prostitution and stuff like that. I guess it's entertaining to watch people ruin their lives on national television...
So this one show that I always think about when I think of Springville was they were doing this sting operation in a hotel in Springville. This guy wanted to buy a hitman to put down his wife because she cheated on him. So this undercover cop must have read the dude's wanted add in the paper or saw it on Craig's List or something, because he was posing as a hitman. The cop met the dude at this hotel, and the guy agreed to pay him for his life-taking services. As soon as he paid the money, like 5 cops busted through the door and tackled the guy down. He put up a small fight and just kind of squirmed on the ground, like William H Macy at the end of Fargo when they catch him in that hotel room trying to escape. Then the dude cried like a baby. I mean, a full man baby, with snot coming out of his eyes and nose and everything. It was pretty sad. Anyway, that's the lovely memory I usually have when I think of Springville, just after I think of David Law and the skatepark. So Chad, even though you're not from Springville, we've got our eye on you, and you better not try and pull any fast ones on nobody because you never know, we might be undercover cops...
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Let me just sum it all up for you: Dan is amazing. With whatever he does, he does it with an inexplicably large does of awesomeness and ease. Not to say he doesn't work hard because I don't know anyone that works harder than him. Seriously, I'm not lying when I say that. He studied for 12-14 hours a day for a couple months straight for the GRE. I think I almost convinced him to make a little contraption to pee into when he was studying so he wouldn't have to get up for potty breaks. It would have consisted of a garden hose, a smith's plastic bag, and some duct tape. Anyway, I've known Dan for about 10 years now, we lived with each other for 3 years, and he never ceases to amaze me every time I'm with him. I have more stories from living and hanging out with Dan than almost any other person, and most of them sound unreal to people that don't know him. Like the time he rode Titanic style on his bike down from Sundance with his eyes closed, or the time he chased after the bear that had stolen his backpack, or the time that he cried when he got a shinner in my front yard... We all thought Dan was completely indestructible until we finally discovered his Achilles heal: his shins. Like I've seen Dan slam and hit his head and just keep skating like nothing happened. But this one time he was doing 360 flips and the board got him in the shin and he was out the rest of the day. Tears were shed, and my mom even tried to help him while he was lying in the street. I don't know why I'm going off on this, but I guess it's good to know that every super hero has their weakness... Anyway, Dan is one of my best friends and favorite people to hang out with. You're guaranteed good and memorable times when you're with him; Dan never lets you down when it comes to having fun. With this really long intro, I should just let you read his interview now. Here he is, in the cyber flesh:
(MrBoltsofThunder) So what's changed in your life since the last time we interviewed you (last summer)?
(Dan) I started dental school and thats pretty much it. I'm smarter than i was before i guess. some friendships have been strengthened and others were kindled.
How many woman would you say, on average, you seduce in a single month?
haha. these past months have really thrown off my average. to my knowledge, i have seduced zero girls in a long time.I asked you this last time, but I need to ask you again. What's it like being a super hero? How does it feel to be virtually indestructible?
im not a super hero, although i wish i were. I love to get the maximum potential out of my body. i consider it a blessing to have a fully functional set of arms and legs to do cool things with. I like to feel powerful and agile. i guess thats why i do the sports that i do. indestructible? not at all. haha. I've really beaten myself up in the past while trying to push the limit on the bike and the snowboard mostly. Nothing terribly bad that i haven't been able to recover from has happened yet.How many stairs have you tail whipped on a razor scooter?
haha. probably like 7.That last question was just to counter any rebuttals you might have had against the super hero question. Nobody can tailwhip stairs on a razor scooter, but you have. So now what do you have to say about being a super hero?
razer scootering isn't the coolest thing out there. i am aware of that. i also add that this was probably like 12 years ago. i like to try everything though, as long as its fun.
What's your IQ? I'm curious to know...
haha. never checked. probably low. natural intelligence isn't one of my strong points. my brain works slow.Now let's talk video talk. What were some of your favorite highlights from the last Bolts of Thunder video?
Again, i like Dave's part the most. he rips. The movie was so creative and well put together. its not just about competitive skateboarding. it also shows the tight bond we have in the bolts of thunder family.What would you like to see in the new bolts of Thunder video?
looking forward to seeing some of the newest thunder bolt's parts. The kids that i don't know.What direction do you see Bolts of Thunder going in? What is our future?
i hope we just keep it real. ya know. stick to our roots and let the whole world see it.One of my favorite stories from your European excursion last year was that night you got locked out of Margaret's place because Matchew was too drunk or stoned to open the door for you. As I recall you had to walk a couple hours to the train station to catch your train to London and had all kinds of amazing adventures on the way.
What happened there? shoot. worst night ever. long story. here goes...
i was walking up to margarets house making a video on my phone about how fortunate i felt for having arrived at my destination safe and happy. i got to the door and couldn't get in. waited outside with a crazy dude that wanted to get a hotel with me and told me so over and over for over an hour. i gave up trying to get in at about one AM. told that dude to stop following me. walked through the bad part of town to mcdonalds. mcdonalds closed so I'm back on the street. guy felt sorry for me and offered me 10 euro. didn't take it. kept on walking through ghetto paris. other crazy dude follows me for ten minutes asking me to pay him for sexual favors which he acted out with his hands and his mouth (prices started at 20 euro and went down to 0.00 euro). thats free! got away from that dude. guy three followed me from behind for a bit. got away from him after a bit too. got to the north train station at 430. it was a place that was safe enough for the bums which was good enough for me. i slept an hour in front of the doors of the train station. woke up with a big group around me, they were trying to get in but i was blocking the door asleep on the ground. got on the chunnel to london at 6 am. slept one hour. had my finger on the trigger of my pepper spray the whole time.
My other favorite story from Europe is your romantic escapade in the land of Cinque Terre. What happened there and what inspires a man to carry a bike over mountains in the hopes of partaking of the forbidden fruit?i was determined to get some. i had to get at least a little before i left europe and i didn't wanna pay for it. she was gorgeous and i haven't spoken to her since. she lives in isreal. we hiked together, kissed on the beach. explored beautiful towns together and then slept next to each other in the hostel . i was on the ground next to her bed. parted ways after breakfast. 24 hours total.What are your dreams and ambitions?
Oral surgeon. stay active. keep friendships and make a family.
Ok, so let's get back into some Bolts of Thunder scenarios. First off, you and Matt were pretty much neck to neck last year in being the preferred cast away mate on an island. How does that make you feel? I mean, people that don't even know you chose you because of the awesome stories they hear of you. What is it about you that makes people want to be stranded on an island with you? Dave even forwent his option of having tools on the island. He said as long as you were there, he'd be just fine.
we would fulfill different purposes. nobody would want to eff with matt. I like to have fun. i take my resources and try to maximize fun from the situation.
A new scenario. So this year we're facing the zombie apocalypse. Who out of the Bolts of Thunder crew would you chose to have with you during the zombie apocalypse? And how would you stay alive? Would you just hide out, hunt zombies, what would you do?
id go with you Jon. we saw the road together and we know what to expect. we would hide out probably until we got hold of a tank of some sort. we would keep it safe but wed kill a zombie or two for sport when it didn't jeopardize our safety.Now let's say that the entire Bolts of Thunder crew is together and well armed. We're being surrounded by zombies on all sides, and a lot of them at that. How would Bolts of Thunder survive? Or how would we make our final stand? Who do you see being a hero?
we would let matt take the lead and we would tear a whole through the crowd. wed stay huddled together. all of us shooting from in every direction til we got to safety. sort of like in godzilla when they escaped from madison square gardens from the baby godzillas.Last question. I remember you trying to tell me why it's easier to do a backflip off a 60 foot cliff rather than a regular jump. Why is that? Try to explain in a way that us mere mortals will comprehend.
you don't have to watch yourself fall. you just have to slow your rotation and spot your landing at the end.Anything you'd like to say to end this interview?
Thanks Jon. i hope to get some cool footage for the next video.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
So Matt brought up a funny incident from our childhood in his interview a couple days ago. It was the incident of beating up Bobby at our scout camp out. Yeah, scouts are supposed to be all cute and cuddly and what not, but this time things got out of hand. Words were said, things happened, fists were thrown, blood was shed... Actually, I don't think there was any blood. But Bobby's face was red, I can tell you that much... So I was 12 at the time, and it was the summer. We were heading up to bear fish lake with my scout troop for a week long camping trip. Me and Matt actually showed up a couple days late because we had a golf tournament the first couple days of it. So my dad drove us up half way through the week and hiked up with us to the camp site. What a trooper... So as soon as we got there, everyone started filling us in on how utterly annoying Bobby was, the 11 almost 12 year old new comer to the troop that thought our troop ran on prison rules rather than good old fashioned Western hospitality, which meant he tried intimidating people twice his size into letting him play with ropes and stuff like that. Our scout master, one of them at least, really hated him too because he was trying to chop a log and missed the log and hit a rock, leaving a nice solid chip in the hatchet. I remember the scout master, John Ward (a man among children, he was...), muttering under his breath, "there's always gotta be at least one stupid kid in the troop..." John Ward hated most people, so him hating Bobby wasn't too impressive. But still, Robert Schumate even hated Bobby, which Robert was nice to all and indifferent to most situations, so seeing him take a stance against Bobby was quite a feat on Bobby's part.
You know what, I think I might have already told this story on the blog... I don't care. I'm telling it again. You don't remember it anyway...
So we got to the camping site, and everyone was way pissed at Bobby. After a couple hours around the kid, I understood full well why. The kid was an idiot, straight up. The next day we were there, everyone was seriously about to blow up on Bobby, but nobody had the nerve. It was getting towards dinner time, and we needed to get some good firewood to cook our food. But Bobby had claimed the hatchet for his own personal use, and he refused to let anyone chop wood with it, making it hard to collect wood, and pissing the aitch out of everyone. What was worse was Bobby couldn't even land a successful blow on the wood he was trying to chop. Every time he came down upon it, his wrists went limp, the pansy that he was, and the hatchet blade just slapped the wood sideways instead of cutting into it. After about an hour of Bobby trying to cut through a little log and making no progress, Zack Warner, the autistic, psychotic, video game addicted, on the verge of exploding on you all the time kid of the troop (every troop has to have at least one of those kids too. Side story: on the way home from our first trip to Havasupi, Brian got in a fight with Zack Warner in Zack's dad's suburban in the parking lot of Denny's in Kingman, AZ because Zack stunk up the car with his farts. Brian bit Zack's fingers after Zack tried gagging Brian by ramming his fingers down Brian's throat. No joke! Bit his fingers hard, and Zack screamed pretty loud. I watched in awe from the parking lot as the entire thing quickly escalated from farting to biting) where was I?.. Oh yeah, Zack tried getting the hatchet from Bobby, but Bobby pushed Zack away, held up the hatchet like he was going to hit him with it, and said, "don't touch my log!" He was very protective of his log... So then Matt came up to me and said, "Jonny, go up to Bobby and try to take the hatchet, and if he pushes you, beat him up!" I didn't think it'd seriously come to blows, but being the obedient brother that I am, I followed through. So I went up to Bobby, told him I wanted to chop the log, tried to grab the hatchet that was now on the ground, and Bobby pushed me back and held up the hatchet at me. Now I go into the discourse between me and Bobby:
Me: Dude! Calm down man, I just want to chop the log!
Bobby: Don't touch my log!
Ok, the rest is fuzzy, but Bobby said he would beat me up, so I beat him to the punch, literally, and started punching him right in the face. As I rained down blows upon him, Bobby could do nothing but grab my sweater to hold himself up, which set him up perfectly right in front of me, unarmed. I don't know how many times I punched him, but I remember while I was, Robert Shumate walked off really fast so he wouldn't be associated with it, Matt was laughing and yelling out, "Hit him, Jonny!!!" and everyone else stood around in shock, having probably never seen a fight before. I finally threw Bobby on the ground, having just accomplished a flawless victory over my opponent. I guess it would have been a good time to use my fatality and rip his spine out, but I spared him. I instead grabbed the hatchet and started chopping it right in front of him to prove a point: ... Well, there was no point, but don't push me! The only other thing I remember from that camp out was getting sun burnt super bad and wanting to kill the fat kid at the camping store that said the sleeping pad I bought was really comfortable. That quarter of an inch piece of foam crap did nothing for me. If you're going to go through the trouble of carrying in a sleeping pad, why not bring in a good one? Anyway, that was the rest of the trip.
Back at school a couple weeks later, Bobby was under the impression that he had beaten me up and I was terribly afraid of him. He'd always call me names and stuff in the hall. Then he'd give me the real evil eye during deacon's quorum. So finally one day after 7th period shop class, Bobby challenged me to fight again. He sucker punched me as I walked out of my class, and then he proceeded to hold onto the collar of my shirt as I proceeded forth to rain blows upon him once again. This time he fell to the ground, ripping my Planet Earth shirt in half. So I was at school with a ripped in half shirt... I had to keep my backpack on after that so the shoulder strap would hold my shirt together. That sucked.
Thinking back on it, Bobby probably had some kind of messed up childhood that made him really insecure and think he had to beat up people to be tough. So don't fight kids, it'll mess you up...
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
I don't know why I put these up. They're two older pictures of me doing rock to fakies in big scary cement half pipes. That's really it, nothing else to say about that. Actually, that first picture reminded me of this time that I followed Dan in jumping off this big drop onto a pile of rocks. We were out in the mountains scoping out a good camping spot for that weekend. We flew too close to the sun on wings of camping and found ourselves trapped up on this steep, unfriendly mountain. We seriously could find no other down but jumping off this 6 or 7 foot drop onto this really steep pile of little rocks. Dan assured me that it was perfectly safe and that nothing in the world could ever possibly go wrong. Because for Dan, nothing ever does. Seriously, nothing. Ever. So Dan jumped off just fine, then I made the mistake of thinking that I was as limber, fortunate, cat-like, elven-like, or down right lucky as Dan. I followed him off the ledge, my knee landed on the edge of this sharp, large rock (seriously the only large rock in this big pile of small rocks. The only rock that wouldn't budge when you landed on it) and cut open my pants and knee. I have this straight scar going across my knee, it looks like it was a knife cut or something. But that scar has since been covered by several others, so you can't really even see it now. Anyway, those pants still have the straight cut going across the knee. But we did still end up finding a great spot to camp and had fun that weekend...