Thursday, March 31, 2011

You have a home

Matt's ice cream man story is already sending shock waves through the industry. The fact that Matt has finally embraced his true self and identity as a windowless van-driving, child-following ice cream man has had astronomical effects in Dave's life, who has finally announced and embraced his true origins. He is a Maori warrior. He always has been. A Maori warrior trapped in a white man's body. And that Maori warrior is ready to burst out of Dave's chest cavity and onto your dining room table. Thank you Dave for having the courage to accept and embrace your true self and to show all the world who you have always been deep down inside. You have since inspired me to show do the same. I am now officially announcing who I truly am: a starving black African child.

And my Mom just announced her career in professional croquet

Whoever you are reading this, whatever you're doing, let out your inner self. Be the ice cream man, Maori warrior, starving African child, or professional croquet player you've always been deep down inside but society would not accept. You have a home at Bolts of Thunder...

Dave's photo by Lauren Cooper

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Men at Work/ I am the Walrus

These 2 pictures share a common theme: Dave and Matt. That's a good combo. They'd both agree on that. It's a good combo because Dave is already self motivated to do crazy stuff. Then Matt's added encouragement means Dave will do even crazier stuff. Then it looks good because Matt filmed it. So with Matt and Dave, you get good looking crazy tricks, and that makes for fun videos to watch. So that top picture is us up in Salt Lake (side note that has nothing to do with post. Imagine a half-breed man walrus. He just walked by. This guy at my school that looks like he's 15... 18 at most. He wants people to take him more seriously, so he grew a mustache. But he didn't know when to stop, and his mustache has completely taken over his upper lip and most of his bottom lip. He kind of looks like the guy on Jurassic Park 3 and Magnolia... I can't think of his name.... William H Macy! That's it. Ok, look up a picture of William H Macy on line and draw a huge walrus mustache on him. And take off like 30 years. That's what this kid looks like. I don't think anyone's going to take him serious though. A mustache has the opposite reaction that those who sport them want: we're less intimidated by you. If you have the accompanying beard, ok, let's rumble. But just a mustache, it's not worth my time. Sorry Nick, nobody wanted to fight you when you had your mustache. Now that it's gone though, there's a line of people wanting to rumble. And you know what? You wanna rumble, let's rumble! Another unrelated story, a tangent within a tangent. When I was 14, Charles Bagley's dad came to Dixie High where me and Nick Graff were skating and asked us if we knew where his son was. We didn't know, so we told him. Then he said, "yeah, well I know that skaters don't like rollerbladers, and Charles rollerblades... So if you wanna rumble, lets f---ing rumble!" The guy was probably 5'6'' with a perfectly round, protruding pop belly, a long pony tail, a pantera shirt, and huge arms from working construction since age 9. He didn't have the accompanying mustache, so we were obliged to fight him... No, we just looked surprised at him and Nick said, "no... we don't wanna f---in rumble...." We stared at him until he finally just turned around and left. Charles apologized to us at school the next week and asked if I knew where he could score some bud. I didn't.... Anyway, these pictures are of Matt filming Dave, and I like them. And Dave is missing his beard in the first one because he was tired of intimidating people.

Monday, March 28, 2011

He works hard for his money

Photo: Matt Hart tail whip

So when I left you, you were on the edge of your seat, wondering what adventures another day of ice cream delivering had in store for you. I am here to finish the epic of Matt as the ice cream man. Just for the record, I think these last 4 posts have been quite an accomplishment for Bolts of Thunder. This is our first ever "to be continued" mini series, which is a rare thing in blogs these days. Yeah, the up-coming generation with all their intranet, world-wide web, and texting, they don't know how to carry on a good old fashioned to be continued story. My generation, as with my fathers before more, we used to have to talk to people and make up stories to try and fit in. That's an art this new generation has definitely lost: the art of a good lie. Such a sad thing to lose... I now give you, the final day of Matt, the ice cream man.

So the plan for the second day was pretty much the same as the first day: Matt was going to follow little kids home in a big van with no windows and lots of candy; I was going to tell my friends at the skatepark that buying ice cream from Matt in late November was a good idea; and Brian was going to drive around with his friends looking for Matt so they could get a good picture of him in his van. That's one thing that I really wish would have happened; I wish we got a good picture of Matt driving that van. Although pretty much every acquaintance Matt ever had in St George saw him driving around in that van, Brian couldn't find him. Too bad, that would have made for a really good picture. Thanks for your efforts Brian... So after school, I went to the skatepark with all my friends. My friend Brett Hansen was their too, which was always fun. Brett was the old skater, the oldest of a group of older skaters in St. George. He was 25. How the times have changed... Anyway, I told Brett that Matt was coming in his ice cream van, and he couldn't stop laughing. When Matt pulled up into the parking lot like he had the day before, Brett had to buy ice cream from him. Just to say he did. He didn't want ice cream, he just wanted memories of buying ice cream from my brother. So he went down to the van with $5, then he came back a couple minutes later without any ice cream. I asked him where his ice cream was, and he told me, "Nah... I don't want ice cream, I just wanted buy something from him. I just gave him $5." Yeah, Brett just handed over $5 to Matt, looked at the ice cream for a minute, then said, "you can get some ice cream with that, I'm fine." I believe that was the single most exciting and promising event of Matt's entire ice cream man career: getting paid to eat ice cream by his friends. Maybe this job wasn't so bad after all?... After lurking in the parking lot for a couple more minutes and no buyers, Matt pressed on, ready to follow school buses and children. So when Matt was out driving around, these little girls, I think Matt said they were around 7 years old, called out and asked Matt to wait while they got their money. So Matt sat their in his van for a good 5 or 10 minutes until he heard little girl voices coming from behind the garbage cans, "hey loser!!! We don't want your ice cream, loser!!!" Oh, sweet revenge. I believe the ice cream gods were smiling upon these girls as they gave Matt the same treatment we used to give ice cream men. I guess Matt just had to pay all of our punishment; I've never been harassed by little girls like that. Thanks Matt, you definitely took that one for the team. So these little girls, obviously years ahead of their time as far as pranks and name calling are concerned, taunted my older brother with their name calling until Matt just drove off. What else could he do?...

Matt came home that night even more pissed than the night before. The first thing I remember him saying when I asked him how it went was, "I made $7 in 7 hours of work!!!!!" Ice cream men have to pay for their own gas, so after filling up the van, he had a measly $7 to show for it. 5 of which came from Brett, mind you. That put Matt at $28 in 14 hours of work. $2 an hour. He was pissed, "Man, I QUIT!!!!" My parents laughed pretty hard over that one. I think we all agreed that 19 years of avoiding work had been paid off during those 2 humiliating days as the ice cream man. There were no more harassments to get a job after that. I think we all agreed that 2 days as the ice cream man is proof enough that Matt can work. As noted earlier, most people wouldn't show up for 1 day of work, let alone 2. Matt proved he had it in him, and my parents left him alone after that. Things quickly went back to normal as I'd get out of school and Matt would be waiting for me at the skatepark with water and lunch.

Nobody can ever fully comprehend the consequences of those 2 days of work on society, Matt, my family, Bolts of Thunder, and me. Several years later, while reflecting upon his experience as ice cream man, Matt wrote to me in a letter, "I have quit running from who I really am inside. Like a beautiful butterfly emerging from its cocoon, I have accepted who I am. I am an ice cream man." Bolts of Thunder wants to take this moment to acknowledge one of the greatest achievements any of its members has and ever will accomplish: delivering ice cream to needy children. Few have dared to try, and fewer have lasted 2 days. Thank you Matt, Bolts of Thunder owes you a deep sense of gratitude for what you've done...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Adventures in Ice Cream delivering

As you can see in this picture, Matt has a strong sense of pride and dignity. You want to know where he got this kids? Working hard jobs like the ice cream man for 2 days!...

Last you recall, the family was laughing hysterically while Matt lay on the couch staring at the ceiling. He had just become an ice cream man; inducted into a profession full of ex-cons and drug attics. Who knew, maybe Matt would become one of them? His prospects were looking good, he had already jumped over the biggest hurdle: becoming an ice cream man. Now that I think of Matt lying on the couch, it reminds me of Rocky the night before he goes up against Apollo Creed. Working was Matt's Apollo Creed, and he knew he had never gone the distance with work before. That's what Matt's night was like; he was preparing to box Apollo Creed the next day: drive around in an ice cream truck for 7 hours straight with little girls calling you names and listening to "Here he comes, the ice cream man!" and various artists' renditions of "pop goes the weasel" and what not. Yeah, that would be a crappy night for anyone, especially for Matt. So That night Matt told me that he was going to come by the skatepark when I got out of school and to tell all our friends to come and buy ice cream from him. So that was the plan... So the next day Matt showed up to work and they handed over the ice cream van and keys and let Matt loose on the city of St George. I'm not really quite sure what Matt did the entire day. I guess he just started driving around the streets with his music playing and hoping that kids would buy his ice cream. This job was based purely on commission, so Matt needed to use his amazing sales skills in order to make money. Yeah, you can definitely say that 19 years of avoiding hard labor had caught up to Matt as he drove multiple times around elementary schools and followed school buses on their drop-off routes, hoping that kids would flock to his truck and buy his ice cream. I remember Matt telling me he felt like some kind of criminal following little kids in big van, trying to get them to buy his ice cream. And to make things worse, every person Matt had ever met in St. George saw him driving that ice cream van. Girls he knew in high school were pointing and laughing at him as they drove by and friends of ours that hadn't heard the news were super confused why they saw Matt driving an ice cream truck. For months after that, I randomly ran into people that would tell me, "dude, I saw this guy driving an ice cream truck that looked just like your brother!" Everyone saw him, it was hilarious. So then when school got out, me and all my friends went to the skatepark as usual, and right at 3:00, I heard the faint tune of the ice cream man, growing louder and louder. I looked across the park to the entrance and waited for Matt to come driving around. The music was getting pretty loud, but Matt didn't come for a minute. Then finally, this big white van with blue and pink popsicle stickers all over it came crawling out from behind the wall at the entrance. Matt slowly creeped through the parking lot, obviously ashamed of his job. Everyone that was there just busted up laughing, they couldn't believe Matt was actually the ice cream man. Matt slowly made his way through the parking lot and to the entrance of the skatepark, then just turned off the engine and sat there. It was like he couldn't get out of the van and talk to his friends, he had been too humiliated to do that. I think he kept the music playing though, just in case anyone didn't realize that one of their best friends was sitting 100 yards away in a big ice cream truck, passive aggressively asking you to come down and buy his ice cream. Imagine if you had a good friend that fell on really hard times, so he just showed up at your house wanting to ask for money, but never really did. He kind of sang a song about needing money, but didn't just ask for it. That's what the ice cream man songs are; they are cries for help, asking people... no, children for their money without really asking them for it. So Matt sat out there for a couple minutes and just watched us skate. I told all my friends that they should buy ice cream from Matt, and this kid Rico was the only one that did. I went down to talk to Matt for a minute, but he was too bummed to talk. He just sat in his van... After 10 minutes or so, Matt started the engine again and slowly drove away, feeling betrayed by all his friends that didn't buy ice cream. He looked like a defeated man leaving that parking lot... So that night when Matt came home, I think he just resumed his position on the couch of staring at the ceiling. We all wanted to know how it went, so he broke the news to us... "I worked 7 hours and made $21..." For those of you that are not mathematically inclined, that's $3 an hour. I think that was minimum wage during the Great Depression. Yeah, he had taken a serious hit financially by accepting this job. I think that he thought that maybe there was a chance that his fortunes would improve and he'd find a route that would make him a lot of money. But this guy that looked like Keith Richards had the best route, and he was fiercely territorial in protecting it. Word on the street was that the guy made over $100 in a single day, setting the record for ice cream profits in a single day in St George. A thought I just had, who wants to buy ice cream in November? Even in St George, you don't want ice cream. Not a good business idea... So Matt sat there and told me the events of the day, how he followed a school bus full of elementary kids so that they'd buy his ice cream when they got off the bus. Not a bad idea, and I think he made a couple bucks from doing it.... If you think that you would quit after one day of this job (or not even show up for your first day), you represent 99% of the American population. That other 1% are the people that show up the second day of work for another beating. Of that 1% that stay, another 99% leave after the second day. If you last 3 days, well then... I'm sorry to say, but they've got you in their clutches. Fortunately for us, Matt falls into that 1% of the population that shows up a second day of work as the ice cream man. You have an entire new day full of fun and adventures as Matt roams the streets of St George in his white, carpet insulated ice cream van to look forward to. But another time, same place...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Here comes Matt, the Ice Cream Man!!!

This picture of Matt has nothing to do with what I'm about to say, I just wanted to have a picture of Matt. In our last post, the one featuring Matt as Jack Nicholson from the shining, I presented you with the opportunity to hear an awesomely amazing story in our next post. All you had to do was comment "yes" on the post. Due to the overwhelming affirmative responses we've received (4, the most we've ever had for 1 post), I'm going to tell you the story. All of you that read the post but didn't leave a comment better thank those that did (me being one of them) because this story will enrich the quality of your lives. Just knowing that events like are even possible, and that they happened to Matt will fill your souls with wonder and amazement. With no further adew (don't know how to spell it, and my spell check doesn't know what I'm trying to say) adoodle, I give you the story of Matt Hart, the ice cream man...

Our story takes place during the winter of 2001 in St. George, although it began on September 10, 1982. That's Matt's birthday (it's my sister Ginger's birthday next week, just to let you know), and that's when this story began... Ok, I'll just fast forward 19 years to 2001. So Matt was 19, and he had never had a job. Ok, I'll just say it, Matt was lazy. Like when we were in middle school, he'd tell me how he was going to fail his classes unless he did his homework. Then we'd come home and Matt would lie on the floor and stare at the wall for like an hour. I'd tell him, "dude, just work on your stuff, get it done, then let's go skate." He'd keep staring at the wall like he didn't hear me, then he'd say something like, "yeah... I guess I could do it... But I don't want to... Let's just go skate...." Not wanting him to fail his classes, I'd ask him to do his homework, he would refuse, then I'd end up doing it for him real quick so we could go skate. This didn't happen every day, but I remember quite a few times that it did. Pretty much verbatim what I just described... (Just for the record, I want you all to know that my boy Matt's a hard worker these days. His mission straightened him up and straightened him up good. But the honest truth, he was quite lazy when it came to school work and jobs when he was a kid.) So this went on for years, and Matt successfully avoided having to get a job until a month or so before he went on his mission.... School started in late August, and I was still in high school, so Matt didn't have much to do during the day when I was at school. Seeing as everyone else was in school or at work, it was just Matt and my Mom that were at home during the day. When I'd get out of school, I'd go straight to the skate park, and Matt would be there with a pitcher of water and some food for me, then he'd tell me, "Man, mom wants me to get a job... I had to pretend I was asleep all afternoon so that she wouldn't bug me about getting a job..." This went on for quite a while. Matt's best defense against work was to pretend he was asleep or try and hide from my mom in our small house. He pulled this off for quite some time and didn't get a job for a couple months, which is quite a feat considering our house was small with few places to hide and pretending to be asleep for 4 hours straight requires extreme amounts of discipline and mind control. That's my gauge to know if one is truly lazy or not: do you work harder to be lazy than you would work to get a job? If yes, you are lazy. If not, work harder, but you ain't lazy yet. Over the course of a couple months, the harassment increased for Matt to get a job, and Matt was finally backed up against a wall and forced to get a job... Matt reached to the nearest source he knew of to find a job, the "Wanted" adds in the paper. He circled a couple job openings, but one especially caught his eye. It was the position on a "vending route". "Sweet! I'm going to stock vending machines full of Candy! Maybe I could get my hands on some of that candy for myself..." So Matt called the place and set up an interview with them. Matt came home pretty excited after his interview because he got the job and would have training the next day. All these other white collared yes-men are complaining about their portfolios not being finished and their clients suing for malpractice, but Matt would have the opportunity to develop an intimate relationship with candy, as had always been his dream... So I asked Matt what his job was, and he paused for a minute and said, "I don't know. They didn't tell me. I was just excited to get hired, I didn't ask.... I think it's stocking candy. I hope it's stocking candy..." So the next day Matt went to his training for his new job, and I remember quite vividly when he came home. He walked in with an expressionless face, walked straight to the couch, then kind of flopped down on his back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. We all looked at him surprised because we didn't know what was up. We asked him a couple times what was wrong, then he said in a very disappointed tone, "I'm an ice cream man..." I can't remember another time that I've seen my dad laugh so hard. Matt cracked a little smile because he too knew that this was quite a funny turn of events for him. This is what happens when you avoid work all your lives kids, you become the ice cream man... This was especially ironic because growing up, we had tormented the ice cream man. We'd hide behind garbage cans and yell "STOP!" when he'd come by, but then duck behind the garbage cans. He'd stop and look around for a minute, then start to drive off. Then we'd yell it again and repeat the cycle a couple times. He'd finally get super pissed at us and drive off. I remember following an ice cream man around for a couple streets with a friend on our bikes, we got the guy to stop probably 5 times, and we hid each time. I was only 6 or so, and I had no reason to do this other than I found human suffering amusing. I guess I still do when I laugh at the thought of Matt being the ice cream man. So it was karma coming back to bite Matt for all the ice cream man heists we had pulled in our day. And another irony to this whole thing was that my mom used to tell us growing up never to trust the ice cream man because he used to be in jail. I remember hearing this several times, although my mom denies it now. But I remember thinking, "how do you know? do you know the ice cream man personally? if so, think you could hook us up with some of that ice cream?" So here was Matt, the ice cream man, lying on the couch in total and utter disappointment with his entire family laughing at this turn of events...

Man, this story is just getting really good, but I have to end. Sorry people, but this is going to be a to be continued story. You can blame school for that. Thanks a lot school for getting in the way of this story... But I promise to return and finish this story as soon as possible, so stay tuned. Trust me, things only get better from here... Leave any comments you have about the story so far, I'm curious to know what the public's response is.

Monday, March 21, 2011

A story with the power to yield great and terrible laughter

Police have released the photo of a man that was spying on me through my bathroom door last weekend. If you see this man driving an ice cream truck in your neighborhood... Well, that makes me think of a story. An amazingly awesome story. But I need Matt's authorization to tell it first. If all of you want to hear the most awesome story you've ever heard, leave a comment saying "yes" on this post. If you don't leave a comment, Matt's face from this picture will creep up in your mind while you sleep and haunt your dreams/fantasies until you leave a comment on this post. Don't miss this opportunity to read an amazing story, leave a comment.

Nick's conversation with Fear

"Oh, hey Fear. Yeah... I remember you... What's up?"

"Yeah, ok. whatever dude...."

"OH REALLY?!!! Is that what you're going to do to me?"

"What? What'd you say?"


"From this moment on, we are enemies, you and I!"

That was a conversation Nick had with an old acquaintance of his, Fear. Nick has declared war on Fear, and sent his first wave of launch on launch offensive action on the locals of Eagle Mountain late this winter. Looks like Nick's got the strategic advantage over Fear and is implementing new high-powered long range launch attacks. Good luck Fear, you're gonna need it...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Dear Whisperer

This is a very happy post for all of us. Weston Colton is a good friend of ours, and he's a super cool guy. He's a father of 2 (legitimate father), and got himself a good career as a photographer moving along. Being the busy guy that he is, it's difficult for him to come out and skate. But this weekend we were able to get Weston on his skateboard and filmed a couple tricks of him. He didn't even have his normal board set up, so he used his cruiser board. But he skated just as good on an extra long board as any of us can skate on a normal board. That's how Weston rolls, he's got all of his tricks on lock down and super solid, long board or not.... A funny story just came to mind of Weston. I was only 19, so that puts this story back in 2003, November of 2003 to be exact. We were taking pictures on this handrail at night, and it's kind of a undercover skate spot which means you have to get in, get your trick, and get out unnoticed. It's like an Oceans 11 sting operation, minus the excessive funding, background research, planning, and bass music. So after a couple minutes at this spot. we picked up the scent of a security guard and got out of there. Our friends Blake and Sean got out of there before we did and were off free. But it was too late for me and Weston, we were surrounded. So we ditched our boards in the bushes, and Weston quickly packed up his camera stuff. This security guard stopped us and asked us what we were doing on campus. We didn't have a good story rehearsed, so we just kind of stood there and were like, "just... walking home..." He looked at us really suspiciously, but he couldn't prove anything. I was going to just start walking off hoping he would leave us alone, but then Weston started talking to the guy about dear sightings in the area and if it's a common problem. I was surprised at how interested Weston seemed to be in the topic, but the security guard didn't know all that much about dear. He finally forgot why we were even there, then Weston just said, "thanks, have a good night!" and the guy just stood there as we walked off. I could see at that time that I was standing in the shadow of a security evading giant; a true veteran on the skating field. Weston's rad and it's always fun skating with him. With better weather and more sunlight on the horizon, we're planning on skating more and as a result getting more footage of him for the up and coming "Bolts of Thunder Gone Wild" video. Here's a sneak preview of Weston doing an ollie fire-cracker safety hazard ollie short off a bench and Matt getting it all on film...

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Lots of blood

Today's post features a common theme in Bolts of Thunder: Blood. It's all over the place in these pictures. So today I'm taking you back in time about 2 and a half years ago. It was November, and quite cold out, and for some reason I wanted to ollie over the rail to the parking lot. Me and Matt went there the day before with a little tub of cement and water and did what I consider to be a grade A cement job on the runway. The runway had huge holes in it, rendering the spot difficult to skate. Matt and I had never mixed cement before, at least not at a skate spot like this, so we followed the directions and used a little wooden stick to mix things around. It worked out pretty good. So we told Weston, and the next day we met up at the spot to shoot a photo of the ollie. Sam Milianta was on scene, as he usually is, providing moral support for everyone around and undoubtedly slappy grinding any obstacles in sight. Sam's a good one to have in your corner because he reminds you that skating's about having fun. Weston's a good one to have in your corner as well because he's a ripper on his board, he takes amazing pictures, and he's super cool. I just realized this is Weston's first picture.... Everyone, put your hands together for Weston Colton!!!!! I've known Weston since I was 15. The first time I saw him, he was skating by himself and crooked grinded up a ledge. My grind tricks consisted of 50-50s and 5-0s and were limited to curbs and small ledges, so I thought this was amazing. He was part of the Monroe crew, a bunch of skaters from Monroe that moved to St. George to go to college. They drove around in a black van with a huge skull painted on it. They always had boxes and rails in the van with them, so it was like a portable skatepark everywhere they went. Pretty sweet. Them being all old and stuff (18-19), and me being all young and stuff (15), I was kind of scared of them. But we ended up skating together some times, and I even filmed Weston 50-50 an 8 stair rail, then do a hardflip into the street. He didn't even know I was filming. I somehow managed to stealthily film with those huge VHS video cameras. So Weston's rad, and he's even got some tricks in our up and coming video! Sure to be good... Ok, so here we are at this spot, the 4 of us, and some kid from Salt Lake, I don't know his name. Oh yeah, Matt. Matt's a great one to have in your corner when you're skating. He is like Mickey from Rockey. He just has a way of motivating you and putting things into perspective for you when you're skating. He'll say inspiring things like, "Hey Jon, my foot hurts from filming, stick it right here!" or "Just go for it!" or "Hey dude, just go for it!" or "Quit bailing!" or "dude, you got this, just stick it!" Coming from someone else, it wouldn't mean much. Coming from Matt somehow, it pushes anyone to stick their trick. Like Matt got Sam to grind this curb thing in our last video. Sam said he really didn't want to do it, but Matt somehow convinced him it was a good idea. So he'll push you far beyond the bounds of rationality when you're skating. That was poetry, I know. And deep. Yeah, it's that deep. So here we all were at this spot, and I kept trying to ollie over this rail. I jumped down the thing probably around 50 times, stuck it quite a few times, but never rolled away. What I didn't realize before was that the landing had huge, jagged holes in the asphalt, and I kept landing in it. Each time I fell was like falling on a cheese grader, and my hands got shredded to bits. I got blood all over the place. My legs killed too. And afterward, on the drive home, my heart went into crazy spasms, it kept fluttering, for like a minute straight. But it stopped, and that's that... So I never rode away, but I'm still glad that I tried it so many times, and I like the pictures. All in all, it made for good memories and fun times with my friends and brother. I need to thank Weston for sitting on awkward positions on the ground to film, Sam for keeping the moral high and keeping up on the latest news from every skater on the globe, and Matt for all the hours spent in painful positions filming people.... So the aftermath of this was that I had these scabs on my hands that kept getting ripped off for several months afterward, and I kept getting blood all over the place. I had to wrap my hand in a shirt when I skated and played racquetball to not get blood everywhere. And I stubbed my left big toe super bad and my nail fell of twice from it-in November and in February a couple months later. The cuts were deep to my hand, but not to my soul... I've since picked up my skateboard and cut my hands, but the moral stays high.... (the ending of my "intervention" episode of me cutting up my hands)

Jon Hart has a new path in life. He has remained stubbed toe free since March 15, 2011, and has higher aspirations than he once did (guitar music and sunsets).

top 2 photos by Weston Colton  The others by Me and Matt

Monday, March 14, 2011

Dan as art

Today's post features pictures of Dan with a lot of light shining behind him. That's all I was thinking when I took these pictures: Light, and lots of it. Don't ask me why, I just wanted light to be in these pictures. Actually, the light rays represent the goodness of Dan's soul, his pureness, honesty, and ability to skate even the roughest of transition. Yeah, that's what I was thinking when I took these pictures. I would write a long story about Dan, but I have tons of school work to do. Oh yeah, that test I was talking about last post, I actually did pretty bad on it when I thought I was going to do good. I was thinking that all of you are 95% responsible for me not doing so great because I was focusing too much time on writing my blogs for you, so I was thinking that if I fail in life, you could all just like pull your money together and support me so that I can keep writing my blog, and you can keep reading it. That way we all win, and I can feel better for not doing so great on my tests. Now that I think of it though, I am seeing a direct correlation with school performance and blog writing. As the amount of blog writing increases, the quality of school performance decreases, and vice versa.... Interesting... Maybe this is what it feels like to give up on life and play World of Warcraft all day long. Well, let me tell you, it's not all that bad of a feeling. You just turn yourself off and turn into a vegetable, then it's not so bad. But when you think of all the opportunities you've missed out on life because you were busy writing a blog when you could have been studying and succeeding in school, you get kind of bummed out. Ok, I've been writing long enough, and I really am going to study right now. I even woke up at 7:40 this morning so that I could get a jump on the day, and it's been working pretty good so far. I think I'm learning to live in a world where good school performance and blogs harmoniously coexist in relationships of mutual trust and respect. I think that's what Obama meant when he said, "Change". David Bowie too. I'm feeling better about my future now. Now that I feel good again, I'm going to tell you about Dan. I would like to write a book about Dan and all the his adventures. He's like Cain on Kung-Fu, walking the streets and having adventures. For those of you who don't know him, he's the most loyal, genuine friend you can ask for, so do yourself a favor and get to know him.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Childhood Dreams

So I have a test that I'm supposed to take right now, but the image of your disappointed faces as you checked the blog today and found stale, leftover posts kept creeping up in my mind. Well, if I'm going to fail this test, then I might as well put up an amazingly awesome picture to compensate for my loss of future opportunities for not taking my test. Yes, my entire future is hinging on this one test, the one test to rule them all; one test to find them, and out of the darkness... grind them! So a couple posts ago, I told you how old uncle Matt packed his gunny sack and took a little camping trip in Neverland, the place where 28 year old men don't have to grow up. What I forgot to mention was that Nick stowed away in Matt's gunny sack. Matt was wondering why his toothbrush and good book (all he packed in his sack) weighed over 200 pounds, but he pushed straight on till morning and woke up on the shores of Neverland. Much to his surprise, when Matt opened up his sack, Nick poked his head out. Matt jumped back in fear of what he thought was Nick's lacerated head rolling out of his sack. "Nick's dead!" Matt thought. But he couldn't have been further from the truth; Nick had never been so alive! Much to Matt's rejoicing, he realized that Nick was not dead, but had just ran away to Neverland with him. This picture was taken just moments after reuniting on the banks of Neverland on their way to the technicolored dream cream pie fight with Robin Williams and Rufio... I've got to take my test now, but next post I'll tell you about how Nick tricked Rufio into eating his own excrement. Pretty funny story, Robin got a good laugh out of it. But little does Robin know what Matt slipped in his drink...

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Milianta stock on the rise

Sam Milianta is pretty much the hottest thing in skateboarding right now. If you haven't heard, you've been out of the loop for a long time. A very long time. Milianta stock is on the rise, and all of you should buy it. Just send your money to Bolts of Thunder, and we'll send you all the Milianta stock you can handle. So I'm proud to announce that this last weekend, we met up with Sam and started filming for his part in the up and coming "Bolts of Thunder Gone Wild" video. Yes, all you Sam fans out there (98% of the skating population), he's having a part in the video. And no, Sam is not a devil worshiper, he's telling me he loves me, but he forgot to stick his thumb in the air. Silly mistake, that's all. Stay tuned for more Milianta coming you way.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Matt's trip to Neverland

Matt doesn't do things your conventional way. He rides a lonely path. It takes heart to understand Hart, and depth to comprehend depth. If you don't understand the symbolic nature of this picture, you obviously don't have heart or depth. Not like Matt's heart or depth.... Happier than a kid at Christmas, Matt's plowing his way to freedom and fun as he butt bombs the sidewalk on his old school board. If his face alone doesn't tell you how much fun riding through grass hills and sitting down on our boards is, let me tell you: it's fun. Matt represents the 5 year old inside all of us that went on a camping trip to Neverland (Peter Pan's Neverland, not Michael Jackson's) and decided not to come back. You know which 5 year old I'm talking about. The one inside you, ready to burst out of your chest cavity like on "Alien". That will be painful and lethal when it does happen, and trust me, it will happen. So, for your safety, and the safety of all those around you, choose healthier ways of letting out the 5 year old inside of you than out of your chest. Grab your skateboard, sit down on it, and ride down a hill. Preferably one with grass so you can ride through that too.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


I knew I recognized that mustache from somewhere: Mr Flanders! You thought you could change your act and hide in Provo, Utah, did you... NED! Yeah Nick, we know your real name: Ned Flanders! Even though you changed your skin color and started riding a skateboard, your mustache has given you away. Turns out that Nick (Ned) was jealous of Bart riding around on his skateboard every day, especially when he rode off the wall onto the car. Nick couldn't stand the jealous rage anymore, so he picked up a board of his own and hit the streets. Well Bart, I haven't seen you ride off a roof onto a makeshift ramp. Looks like Nick's got this one on you... Besides Nick's mustache, the other glaring, obvious issue I must address is Nick's wedding ring in one picture, and not in the other. What's going on Nick? I think that answers all your questions you might have from these pictures. Use your imagination to fill in any gaps I might have forgotten.

Monday, March 7, 2011

And we're back!

With only 8 minutes before my next class starts, I have logged on to this blog to leave you, devoted Thunder Bolts, with today's post because I know how much you depend on Bolts of Thunder for your latest updates. And here is today's update: YES. Not a bad way to start the week, if you ask me. This post's picture featuring Dan as a prisoner of war detainee stripper needs and deserves no explanation. It is simply Dan in his element Stay tuned...

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

fangs dripping with tiger's blood

All you kids out there that want to become Vatican Assassin Warlocks, look to Thunder Bolt Brian Hart to be your guide. He's been hyped up on tiger's blood and Adonis DNA for 30 years now, writing his own constitutions and what not. I was happy last time when I saw him that his face hadn't melted off from all that tiger's blood, and I didn't have to weep over his exploded body. Brian is bi-winning with radical celebs leaving their numbers on his caller ID. He's with Charlie Sheen, living in un-terrestrial realms with goddesses. Give it up for Brian, cause he's been going for 30 years straight now, and he ain't stoppin. Cause he's only got one gear: GO!