Sunday, July 31, 2011

Brandon's answers and shout out to our Malaysian friends

I'm proud of the interviews we've done, and I like to revisit them every now and again. So I was just rereading Brandon Miller's interview, and I noticed that Brandon called me out on something, and I never responded. He wanted to know how I define "into", "it", and most other words. It's a good thing you bring this up now Brandon, because I guess I have a funny way of defining things. To make things clearer, I usually define "into" as the following: "religiously worshiping, idealizing, following, or otherwise creepy stalking. Usually accompanied by long bouts of awe-inspired ecstasy, couple with shorter bouts of diarrhea." I would define "it" as: "the third person non-gender discriminatory describer of an otherwise non-sex specified object, person, or thing." That's what I usually mean by it... Bolts of Thunder is actually publishing a dictionary soon so that people can join us and understand our conversations when we're out skating. Look that up soon. So tonight's post does not have a picture for it. I just wanted to write real quick. But, I have noticed that we have a constant stream of viewers on our blog from MALAYSIA. I capitalize the name of the country so that anyone from Malaysia reading this blog will notice it and see that I'm giving them a shout out. If you are government spies, keep trying, we'll never give you our secrets. But if you're true blooded Thunder Bolts like the rest of us, we're way happy you read the blog, and we'd like to give you some formal recognition and shout outs. We think it's rad that people in all different countries have seen our blog, so thanks for reading!

Friday, July 29, 2011


At the tender age of 15, Wiz-bang demonstrates how a man shuvits out of a lipslide. I don't think anyone else would have allowed Matt to be standing directly in the landing when he was on the rail, but that's how rad Wizard is, he doesn't even care about riding away. Look at the sequence, Matt's filming straight where Wizard's going to land when Wizard is getting on the rail... This post is dedicated to all the Thunder Bolt homies out there that are ripping it for no other reason than to just rip it. We've been shredding with Wizard, Tyler, and Zak a lot lately, and these kids got some skills. Expect to see some rad stuff from them in the video, 2 weeks from today!!! Brandon Miller also sent me some footage yesterday from LA, so he's showing us how to remain bloody after all these years... Things are coming together really well as we scramble last minute to edit the video. Yeah, we've put it off until now. We have a talent for procrastinating... No, we actually started a long time ago and have been working on it rather consistently for the past 6 months or so. But we still got more to do. Thinking about procrastinating, I just barely took my second shower for the week. I kept thinking I would take one, but when the time came, I thought I'd put it off till the next day. This continued all week until this morning I realized I hadn't showered, shaved, or changed my clothes all week. And not out of principle, style, or superstition, but out of pure, genuine, unadulterated laziness, plain and simple. So I took a shower today, but I forgot to shave and didn't have any cleaner clothes to wear, so I put on the same ones. Anyway, procrastination. In some cases, I work better under the gun. Nick was explaining this phenomenon to me last week; he prefers to get things done when there's an impending deadline. That's why he rode off the roof last year and why he's been killing it lately. I like to get things done as soon as possible, but with some things, I work more effectively when I only have a short amount of time. Like this paper I have due in a couple hours. I started on it yesterday. And I still need to finish it. I should get started on that...

Back to the subject at hand. Lick your lips and get your appetites ready for some good old fashioned skating, coming your way in 2 weeks. Oh yeah, there were a couple items of business I wanted to discuss for the premier. I'll put these up again to remind you later, but I might as well start now:

1) The premier is August 12. It'll be in Provo. I'll give the exact location soon. It'll be in the evening, 7,8ish

2) We're barbecuing for the premier. Your ticket to get in is to bring some kind of condiment for hamburgers and hot dogs (ketchup, pickles, etc...). We'll provide the meat, but that's it. If I don't ask you to bring anything specific, just get something you think we could use. But if I know you, I'll ask you to bring something specific so we get everything covered.

3) I will try to have copies of the DVD available at the premier for you, BUT this is not for sure. It depends on how long it takes to burn them all, and how bad we actually do procrastinate. But our goal is to have them ready at the premier.

4) Because I'm getting married, I've already spent all my money on flowers and stuff like that. So you'll need to bring a couple bucks to buy the DVD. I'm not trying to make any money off of them at all, I just want you to cover the cost of the DVD. Sorry, I can't be giving them away this time, I'm too poor...

I think that's it... This Asian kid in front of me at the library is watching a video of this Asian pop star singer girl getting beat up at one of her concerts. Crazy stuff...

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Health tips from yours truly and alien invasions repelled by Hannah Hart

Thanks Dan for the picture. He took this of us right after we regulated those Arab kids. This is how much it is to fight people at the Eiffel Tower. Try it some time. Ok, so on the blog, I know it's not always appropriate to dive deep into the personal lives of our members for all the public to read. But something has come up, and I feel it extremely appropriate to share with you some personal details of my life. I would like to share with you an important lesson that I've relearned for like the 12th time in my life. I cherish your good health, just as I cherish my own, so I'm sharing this with you in hopes that you'll be smarter and healthier than I have been. Here it is: Don't trust any food that's past the expiration date, been in your fridge for more than a month, has mold growing on it, or all the above combined. I tried it last night, and I'm feeling the repercussions. Last night I finished off what I thought would be a standard bottle of spaghetti sauce that had been in my fridge for like 6 weeks. "Oh, it's fine," I told myself. "Plus, it's been in the fridge for all this time, so that means it must still be good." There wasn't mold growing on it, but one time when I was really hungry, I tried justifying eating my roommate's spaghetti sauce that had a moldy mushroom on top. I thought I could just pick off the mushroom and eat around it. I eventually threw it away then told my roommate he was out of spaghetti sauce. I ate nothing that night...

So the spaghetti sauce I ate last night endowed me with the most terribly powerful farts I can ever remember having. They were so potent that they woke me up several times in my sleep, and I had a dream that I was suffocating. I don't feel all that great today either. So don't do as I have done. Be wiser than me. Be weary of spaghetti sauce bearing strange gifts... Something bothered me the other day when I watched "Battle LA" with Matt and Hannah.

I wasn't bothered by the fact that the whole of LA was wiped out by hostile aliens. No, that didn't bother me at all. What bothered me was the date that the invasion took place. Being the incredibly observant person that I am, I noticed that the invasion date was August 12, 2011. Ring a bell, anybody? Well, if it doesn't, here's your wake up call: It's the same day as the premier!!!!!!! Are you seeing what I'm seeing? I have a compelling theory that extraterrestrial beings have been creating, forming, and implementing their battle plans according to the information I've given them on the blog! Don't you see? They've been reading the blog for months now, trying to learn our secrets, discover our weak points, and hit us where it hurts most. I've seen enough alien invasion movies to know how these creatures work, and they are deliberately invading Earth the same day as our premier in an attempt to thwart our video! They don't want the public to see it because in it, we reveal the most vulnerable weak points the aliens have: water. Yes, our video is the sequel to "Water World." I didn't want to say anything, I wanted you to be surprised and extremely disappointed at the premier, but I have to tell you now why the aliens are invading that day.

Listen up all and every third kind within the reaches of my blog: bring it on!!!! You have no idea the messy can of worms you're going to open in trying to mess with Bolts of Thunder! You bring your fastest, slimiest alien fighter pilots down here and we'll fight you head to head! We'll unleash Hannah, Matt's wife, and her flurry of swinging arms upon you. No weapon, nay, I say again NO WEAPON is powerful enough to repel those arms. They have hit me, held me to the floor, and ground my face into the carpet innumerable times. She has been preparing for this invasion for years, and she's coming out of her corner swinging! That's it for today's post. Now go recruit someone to follow the blog...

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


I would like to extend a warm welcome to Bolts of Thunder's two newest followers: Tyson Cantrell and Chris Rees! Both are long time associates of the Thunder Bolting system, and we're happy to have both on board. Can 9857 is Tyson, in case you're wondering, Can has always been our nickname for him. We have a whole bunch of nicknames for him: the 2-Can, the who Can? The Can-D-man Can. I've got millions of em, I could go on for days. She's like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn. See what I'm talking about? Yeah, days of em. I've been saving them up since first grade... So here are two pictures of our man Chris showing us a little love for his metal-coated ledges. He loves them and would do anything to ride them day in and day out. I would now like to respond to a recent comment on our blog. One from my brother Brian. Whitny, I read your comment too, but I have no comment back. We'll just see what kind of trouble I can get in posting inappropriate details of our marriage on the blog. We'll just see... Brian, I, too, am way excited for the video. Thanks for the comment, it's encouraging for us.I don't want to give away too much about the video or anything, I want you to be excited to see it at the premier. If you're reading this now, I assume you will be at the premier. Details on time and location to come, but keep the evening of August 12 clear on your calendar. But I will say this much: Several people have asked me if the next video will be as good as the first. When they say that, I don't think they're talking about our ground-breaking grass riding and tricks we're doing. Most local videos will have more tech skating than what we put out. But what I get from it is just the overall homieness feel of the video. Yes, homieness is a word, it even passes my computer's spell check, and it's in the dictionary. Look it up. Homieness is an all encompassing word to describe having fun with your homies and making something fun. It can be anything. I feel like most people recognized from our first video that this really is all about the fun of it for us, and we have a lot of fun doing it. I appreciate Brandon Miller's comments in his interview that Bolts of Thunder pumps him up to skate more than watching most other skating because he sees the fun of it. That's what I think people are talking about when they ask me if the next video will be as good as the first: Will the video have at least the same level of homieness, or are you selling your soul to the corporate man?

New paragraph. That's the question they're asking. I think. In my purely honest answer to all of you, I will say that we have at least attained the same level of homieness in our second  video. If you enjoyed Nick's dramatic expressions, Dave's daring maneuvers, my whatever I do, Matt's flashing pictures, and Dan's shirtless poetry, then yes, you will like our next video. It's like a second child, it doesn't make you love the first less, you just have a new love for the second. But this time, we have all the original riders and more coming your way. Like I said, I don't want to give away too much, I want you to be excited for the premier, but I'll tell you that me and Matt have remained focused on the fun of it all, and I think you'll see that in the video. Nuf said! I'm getting goosebumps just thinking of the premier, it's going to be fun...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Epicness to be reckoned with

Three posts in one day, is that legal? Yes. Yes it is. In fact, I'm doing it. Right here, right now. This is due to special circumstances: We finished the Nick Edwards and David Law trailer!!!!!! Yes, they share a trailer. I know what you're thinking, this is highly concentrated stuff having the two of them in one trailer, it's like drinking straight clorox bleach. But you better get used to it, because they're about to be sharing the same video pretty soon. They'll have separate parts though... I'm as excited as you should be in watching this trailer. It's the final trailer we're going to make in preparing the world for the second installment of the Bolts of Thunder saga. "Bolts of Thunder Gone Wild" comes out in less than three weeks, on August 12, and you better get ready for it. Spread the word...

Who are you people?

Ok, I just put up a post like 5 minutes ago, so don't forget to read it. I, personally, enjoyed writing that post, so I think you should read it. And the one before that one too, with no pictures. If you haven't read it, be sure to, it's the start of a dramatic episode I'm sure to have with a computer scammer kid. But, recent events necessitate that I put up another post now. Actually, nothing really ever necessitates that I put up more posts, but I do it anyway. So I was just looking at the "stats" section of the blog. You don't get to see that because you're not the writer of the blog. But as MrThunderBolt, I have special access to a bunch of information like what country people are from that read the blog, how they found it, all that. Being the curious individual that I am, I look at that often to see who's reading the blog. What I found today seems kind of interesting, so I thought I'd share it with you all. So these are some of the key words that people typed into Google, and for some reason our blog showed up, so they read our blog: "Movie about a man who trains as a ninja" "80s facial hair" "Of any superhero, who would you interview?" "Apocalyptic Paris" and, my personal favorite, "Thunder California Apocalypse".... No joke. This is just in the last week, too. I don't know if I'm honored, surprised, or worried that our blog pops up on google search when people are trying to learn more about ninjas and the apocalypse in California. I guess those are all major underlining themes of the blog, so it shouldn't surprise me that much. But still, who are you people? Well, if anyone happened to stumble upon this blog while trying to prepare for the apocalypse, you're in the right place. Become a Thunder Bolt, learn our ways, and never stray again. Those pictures up top have nothing to do with this post, as this post has nothing to do with anything. But it all works out in the end.

My Girl

This is Zak Smith showing the world what a proper nosegrind popout looks like. He's a follower of the blog and avid Thunder Bolt. The first time I saw Zak was when he starred in "My Girl" back in the 90s. I cried pretty good when he went back for the girl's mood ring, got bit by bees, and consequently died. Why'd you have to be so brave?... As all Thunder Bolts, Zak deserves a shout out and official recognition on the blog. This is your time, Zak... Speaking of Thunder Bolts, we have a new follower! Everyone, let's give a warm welcome for blog follower number 24, my mom! Carla Hart, welcome to the blog. Just for the record, my mom's been reading the blog since day 1. We just finally got around to setting her up as an official follower. She's going to be leaving all kinds of comments and harassing people now the she knows how. I think we just opened Pandora's box... Mom, welcome on board, we're glad to have you. So this is the second time in a month that I've had to interlace my bar of soap with strategically placed pubes in order to deter my roommate from using it. I have less than 3 weeks left living in that apartment, and I don't want to open a new bar of soap, and with a little bit of luck, I think I can pull it off. My roommate keeps putting his soap in direct contact with a good pressured stream of water from the faucet which significantly decreases the lifespan of his soap. He still hasn't figured out why it only lasts about 2 weeks while I can go a good 6 weeks on mine. Some people will never learn. Another thing, he refuses to buy toilet paper, so he uses mine. I don't mind sharing that, but the problem is that he uses toilet paper like a girl: he wraps the roll around his hand 8 times for one wipe, he wipes 9 times, then whatever's left of the roll he just throws in the toilet for good measure. It's annoying. That's why I'm happy to be living with Rachel soon, she doesn't wipe like a girl. Her dad brought her up better than that. She knows how to conserve... I'm way off topic. Actually, there never was a topic to begin with. Oh yeah, "My Girl." Yeah, I've got nothing left to say about that movie...

Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Bank Job

So today's post has no picture, only text. Sorry to all you picture-book give me what I want when I want it generation, but that's just now how I was raised. So you know how you get those emails every now and then that ask you to join in the partnership of some African guy you've never met to get $10 million from his oil drilling? It's a scam, don't fall for it. So I got a couple of those this weekend and decided to respond back to them to tell them I'm interested. I want to know what their next plan of action is. So I just want to share with you one of my responses to them. If I hear back, I'm going to to post that and hopefully we'll get some good old fashioned drama from it. So here's what they had to say:

"Dear Sir, I would like to intimate you with the bank account of a deceased client of mine that I think would prove to be most interesting."

My response:

"Wo, you want to get bank intimate with me? I guess I'm not exactly opposed to it, but, well, you see, I guess I just haven't been bank intimate for some time now... I don't know if I remember how. But they say it's like riding a bike, it always comes back. The last time was when I got an email from Captain Zhairi Mukhabi from Ghana asking for my assistance in reclaiming his hard-earned diamond money. I told Captain that I would do it, but to be patient with me, for I was a bank-loving virgin; it was my first time. He said he'd be really gentle with me and promised not to hurt me. We met up at Wells Fargo on center street where Captain wanted to meet, and Captain turned out to be a 17 year old computer-hacking nerd that was just trying to scam me. He said that I wasn't the first either... I had never been so hurt nor let down before because he told me he loved me. He told me I was the only one. So I took him inside the bank and there we danced... I showed him the true meaning of bank intimacy by shoving a solid gold piece up his rectum and making him squeal like a pig. I guess this event turned him off to the whole idea of bank intimacy because I didn't hear back from him after. But I guess it's been a while now, and I've been wanting to get bank intimate again for some time now. But I will not be let down again, so if you even try it, I will come back for blood! So if you want to get intimate, let's get f---ing intimate!"

I await their response

Friday, July 22, 2011

Who's keeping track?

First off, I would like to give a hats-off standing welcome to Zak Smith who is lucky blog follower # 23!!! Welcome to the team Zak. That's him above flying in the air on a bump over sidewalk in standard Bolts of Thunder fashion. Zak's a ripper, and a fine one at that, and we're happy to have him on board. More of Zak to come... Second of all, I would like to thank you for your comments on yesterday's post. Nick, I too remember when Bolts of Thunder was nothing more than a whisper. We were in that tent whispering about it. Let's whisper again, you and I, about restoring Bolts of Thunder to its former republic status... So school is eating up most of my time this morning, and I only have a few minutes to write.

Here's your new paragraph, for all who may be keeping track... Those other pictures are epic shots of Tyler as he prepares to launch his debut in "Bolts of Thunder Gone Wild". Expect to see a virile and lucrative career from our young star. Now that I think of it, I posted pretty much the exact same picture of Nick doing that very same trick shot from the same angle and everything... I guess that shows you how stubborn I can be. I have one spot and I stick with it. But who's keeping track anyway?.. Probably all of you that are counting paragraphs, that's who. Anyway, from us to you, truly, have a great day.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

What is Bolts of Thunder?

Nick's been on some kind of skating warpath rampage as of late. He's showing all these youngins what it's like to attack a pole jam head on and come off conqueror. We've been innovating as usual, and made this steep pole jam over a grass gap, and Nick hit it head on. Expect to see some rad stuff in his up and coming part, I'm excited for it...

So Nick gave me a suggestion yesterday to improve the blog. It is that I use paragraphs when I write and change from one pointless thought to the next. That'll better help direct you, the reader, in understanding my thought process. I'm going to try it, but if we get hordes of angry Thunder Bolts coming for blood because of this, I'm switching back to one solid 89 line long paragraph. And I'll do it!

So you can see above, Nick is sporting yet another Bolts of Thunder shirt. It's the OG shirt, it features all the riders from the first video. We're working on another one that has all the riders from the new video. Our team keeps growing, so we haven't finished it yet. I guess this would be a good time to draw your attention to the merchandise section, I put up a couple new shirts including the "I love Bolts of Thunder" shirt and the "Call the cops, I been shot!" shirt. And these pictures of Nick as well.

You know me, I'm proud of our blog, team, and Bolts of Thunder in general. All of you are making me proud. So I take every opportunity I get to tell people about Bolts of Thunder. This girl in my weight training class makes small talk with different dudes every day and rotates throughout all the guys stretching in front of them and pretending to lift dumbbells, and today was my turn to be the victim. So instead of telling her where I'm from, what I'm studying, or even what my name is, I told her about Bolts of Thunder. I cut her off before she even had the chance to try and tell me about herself. So she asked me, "What is Bolts of Thunder?" and that got me thinking... I could have told her our purpose statement as is boldly declared at the top of the blog, but I sat and thought about it. I told her that we're a local skateboard gang and that we wreak havoc on society. She was so deeply unimpressed that she spared me her advances and left me alone. But that stirred a question deep within me. What is Bolts of Thunder? After having thought about it for a couple hours, I would like to share with you what my conclusions are...

What is Bolts of Thunder, you ask? Bolts of Thunder is an idea. The idea that just because a man has a family to feed, bills to pay, books to read, and people to impress doesn't mean he can't shirk all responsibility and make a skate video instead. The idea that just because your body can't physically handle the stress you're about to impose upon it doesn't mean you can't keep trying. The idea that even when your in-laws, employer, significant other, family, and friends have all rejected you for choosing a skateboard over a steady job, you can still be proud of yourself for having a part in a local skate video. The idea that even though you have a lot of work obligations, you can't still lead a double life as a street warrior. The idea that even though we might be hated for what we've done here today, at least we did it in style... Yes, Bolts of Thunder is all these ideas and more. I think Rome was originally founded upon similar ideas and ideals. Isn't that what the old emperor said in the beginning of "Gladiator"? I'm pretty sure that's what he said. Yeah, that's what he said. So, girl that likes to flirt with everyone in my weight training class, are you satisfied with your answer? Do you finally get it now what we're all about?

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Ladies and Gents, lets give a warm welcome to Bolts of Thunder's 22nd follower, Hannah Miller! Welcome to the blog Hannah. You'll get a shirt... Man, I keep telling people they'll get shirts, and we've been slow on production lately. Sorry people. Especially David Law, you've been waiting for one for some time now... So Hannah also pointed out to me that in yesterday's post, I misspelled "feat" as in accomplishment, I said, "feet" as in the body part. Well I'm sorry little Miss Grammar. Why don't you tell our viewers then the proper use of the past present progressive? Yeah, you've got 3 days to respond. If you do, and you give us the why and when the past present progressive is used, I will go back and edit the post. But until then, it stays as it lies... So today's post is about Wizard. Now don't get the wrong idea. We call him Wizard not because he's a brainwashing hippy druggy Charles Manson wannabe. We call him Wizard because he can pull off mysterious moves like gap to powerbox 50-50 kickflip out over the grass gap, as seen above. In layman's terms we just call that trick a "power-fiddy flip", for all of you who didn't understand what I said earlier. So Wizard is the new face of the younger, rising generation of Bolts of Thunder. We've recruited these young kids and are raising them up in righteousness to be brave and fight well, as their fathers have done before them. We realized recently that the average age of a Thunder Bolt is roughly 29, and we're not going to be around forever. So we're teaching and training the recently weaned Thunder Bolts who to kick it, old school. They're showing us how to kick it, new school. It's kind of like on "Gran Torino" how Clint Eastwood shows that Hmong kid how to fix sinks, wash cars, tap Asian tang, beat up people 50 years younger than him, and ultimately go out like a man. That's how we view ourselves at Bolts of Thunder, torch-carriers of Clint Eastwood. So Wizard's been out killing it with his posse (Tyler, Zak, Parker and whatnot), so expect to see some gnarly stuff in "Bolts of Thunder Gone Wild". We've only got like 3 weeks left to film too, so it really is time to get gnarly... Man, I just realized the first picture is kind of dark, and the second one is kind of fuzzy. I'll try to put up a clear, light one as soon as I can. Sorry Wizard...

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Proud Sponsor

This post is a fist in the face to anyone who has ever trained, warmed up, prepared for, or even planned to do any kind of physical activity. Pretty much to every human out there. I will tell you of an amazing feet that Dan Shaw has just pulled off, probably setting some kind of new record without even realizing it. But before I do, I'm going to congratulate Weston on his photography. A couple months ago, Weston got the cover of the Ensign magazine! I put the picture up top so you can all see. For any of you that might not know what that means, getting the cover of the Ensign is like shooting the cover shot of the Skateboard Mag for Mormons. Good job Weston! The Ensign magazine is yet another organization that Bolts of Thunder has successfully infiltrated this year. That sequence up there is Weston doing what Weston does best, skating good and proper. Ok, the next big accomplishment I must put up is almost unbelievable, but it is totally true. I actually didn't believe it at first, I thought it was some kind of joke. But as it turns out, it is completely true. Once again, I have underestimated Dan Shaw... Yeah, you guessed it. Something so unbelievable and unhuman must have been done by Dan. Nobody else would have survived. Speaking of not surviving something that Dan can survive, 12 college kids got blown up last weekend down at the Devil's Arse. They all survived, but I guess they got burned pretty bad. It's this huge pit, as in thousands of feet deep, and you can lite stuff on fire, throw it in, and watch it blow up. I went out there once with Dan and watched as he knelt down on a piece of ply wood on the rebar grate on top over 11 gallons of exploding gasoline. It pushed him about 4 feet in the air, levitating him for a couple seconds, then dropping him back on the rebar. He rode it out no problem. Yeah, 11 gallons of gasoline, and he dared stand on top of it and take on its fury. He kind of levitated in the air like those blue whistle things that you have to blow in at the doctor's office. You know, you blow in that tube and you have to keep that blue ball thing between those 2 lines for a certain amount of time. That was Dan for about 4 seconds, he became a human doctor blowy ball. I guess those poor kids last weekend didn't have Dan's same kind of luck, and they got burnt... Anyway, back to what I was originally saying, Dan Shaw ran a marathon last week. Now you might read this and think, "So, thousands of people run them every year..." Yeah, but did those thousands of people just wake up in the morning and decide to run a marathon that day? Forest Gump is the only other dude I can think of that's done something similar. Yes, you understood correctly, Dan woke up in the morning with nothing on his plate that day, his mom told him about this guy that ran 50 marathons in 50 consecutive days, and Dan thought, "If he can run 50, I can run 1," he looked up how far he had to run to get in his 26.2 miles, put on some shorts, and started running. I repeat what I just said in case you don't comprehend the gravity of this accomplishment: Dan Shaw woke up in the morning, got out of bed, and ran a marathon without any kind of training, stretching, warm up, or planning of any kind. He wasn't even in a race, he just did it all by himself. Do you understand what I'm trying to say now? Do you see why we highly suspect Dan of superhuman capabilities? In discussing this event with Ammon, he suggested to me that Dan might very well be the next link in the evolutionary staircase.Ammon being highly qualified to make such a decision, I agree with him. Now that I think of it, marathons got there name because of the Persian wars with the Greeks. The Persians were invading a city, and a soldier had to run to the closest city, Marathon, which was 26.2 miles away, to tell them they were under attack. He ran the entire way there and delivered the message, but because of all the adrenalin in his body and because of how tired he was from the run, he dropped dead when he got to the city. He had the letter in his hand from his captain that explained the situation, so the people of Marathon got their army together and fought off the Persians. True story, I'm not making that up. Google it if you don't believe me. What I'm trying to get at here is that a highly trained Spartan Greek soldier couldn't even handle the distance without training to run that far. But Dan made it through without any adverse effects at all... Yeah, Dan definitely is the next link in evolution. People, want to know what humanity is going to look like in a couple centuries? Take a good look at Dan Shaw.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Continuing saga of Brandon Miller

I've been excited for this interview for quite some time. Brandon Miller is rad. I just thought I'd get that out first. He's a good friend, a cool guy, and he'll cover you when you're down a couple bucks at lunch. He's been a devout Thunder Bolt since day one, so we're honored to have him on the blog. He's going to be making his debut as a full and official team rider in "Bolts of Thunder Gone Wild", wooing the audience with his moves and what not, in mid August this year. So in this interview, you're going to read some funny stories, learn what the Bolts of Thunder band is planning on putting out, and find the source from which Dan Shaw's powers stem. If you're new to the blog and don't know of which powers I speak, I've put up two pictures of Dan pulling some mean tweaked airs in a vert ramp to illustrate my point. The other two pictures are of Switzerland and have nothing in any way to do with this interview, but I think they are amazing pictures and should be put up. Lauren Cooper (Dave's wife) took them when we were in Switzerland. Yeah, it's that pretty... Enjoy the interview!

(MrThunderBolt) How long have you been a Thunder Bolt?
(Brandon) Well, I have aspired to be a thunderbolt ever since the Days of Yore, but my official inauguration into this, the sacred brotherhood, happened on Friday June 17, 2011.  I remember it well, you posted some bloody pictures of me on the blog and my life was never the same again.

What got you into Bolts of Thunder?
Well I guess that depends on what the definition of “into” is.  And for that matter, what your definition of “is” is.  Actually, I would really like to know how you define most words.  I await your post.

How do you remain bloody after all these years?  What keeps you skating?
I would say that it comes down to a general lack of ability and disregard for my body.
But to be perfectly honest, skating with my buddies and seeing what you guys are up to really motivates me.  I can watch Leo Romero gap out to nose blunt, or Andrew Reynolds kickflip the biggest gap I have ever seen and not feel any more motivated than usual to push myself because the things that they are doing are so far removed from what I will ever be capable of.  But seeing the footage and photos that you guys put out makes me want to be better, to push myself just that little bit farther to get the next trick.

What are you up to these days? What does your daily routine consist of?
I live in LA with my wife Marie, where I’m attending USC for law school, only one year left.  Right now I’m spending my days sitting 8+ hours at a desk reading case law and writing memos for divisive legal organization in downtown LA.  After work, however, any day that I am not immobilized from slams that happened the day before, I skate until the sun goes down and I can’t see anymore.  Lately Dan has been making the trek up from the OC (don’t call it that) to do some follow-the-leader and watch the sun set at the Venice park.  It’s a really awesome spot because it’s actually on the sand in Venice, it’s probably one of the best parks I’ve skated, and usually a few degrees cooler than the rest of LA = perfect weather for skating.

If Bolts of Thunder was a band/group/orchestra, whatever, what would it be? What kind of music would we make? Who do you see playing what instruments and all that? And how would things go down with the band; would we threaten to kill each other, break up, then have a reunion tour 30 years later? How do you see this going down?
I feel so unqualified to answer this question because I only know a few of you, but I’ll tell you this much, it would be fun. I’m pretty sure it would consist of a rotating group of eclectic instruments (you know, a lute, didgeridoo, hurdy gurdy, and lots of timpani, etc.) that would all mesh together inexplicably to make the most fantastic music you had ever heard/experienced (because man it would be an experience).

If you could be amazing at any instrument, what would it be and why?
Jazz flute.

If you could do any trick, what would it be?
I’ve been working on frontside and backside 360 ollies and bigspins.  If I could consistently ride away with any of those tricks I would be super psyched.

What trick do you love to do over and over?
It’s probably a toss up between two very different tricks, 360 flip and (I don’t really know what to call it besides) a backside powerslide.
I love the feeling of popping a 360 flip and just knowing that you are going to catch it perfectly without really doing anything else.  Once you pop it right, it’s the easiest trick in the world. 
The other trick isn’t much of a trick, just a fun little distraction as you’re cruising down the street, but I do it often and it adds a little spark to riding down the street.

Ok, the standard island question: Who would you be on the island with and why? What would happen between you and the cannibals?
The real question should be do we have skateboards, because if we do, I’ve heard that you wield a mean deck as a defensive weapon.  So between your island experience and defensive skateboard kung fu, I think you and I could keep them at bay.  Then we could spend the remainder of our days foraging the wilderness for coconuts, which we would then fashion into mini ramps.  The locals would be so impressed with our creativity that a respectful peace would be reached, and they would decide to stick to their normal diet of blond virgins who sometimes happen to get shipwrecked there.

From what I gather, you have a pretty wide range of high action sports you like to do: surfing, snowboarding, wake boarding, skateboarding, all that. If you could do one of these every day, but only one, which would it be and why?
Snowboarding is a close second, but I will always love skateboarding.  Come to think of it, if I could have one wish, it would involve some way to be magically healed every night so that injury never kept me from riding the next day.  My second wish would be the same for all of you.  My third wish would be for infinite wishes, I’m no fool. 

I've always wondered how the family views Dan Shaw. To the rest of us, he's a demi-god superhero that could survive Armageddon, the Apocalypse, the sinking of the Titanic, the last Ice Age, and the bubonic plague all in the same day and still have time to film a couple tricks. Do you see him this way, or does the superheroness run in the family? Are you a superhero too, Brandon?
I’ll let you in on the secret, we all have a shrine to Dan that we keep in our bedrooms, and regularly make offerings of linseed oil, sandalwood, and broken skateboard decks to empower us with his godgiven natural ability.  I think that everyone who meets Dan understands immediately through some psychic power that Dan is awesome, there is no limit to his influence, may he be healthy and virile, and may his days be long.
I’m not so sure that superheroness runs in the family, or maybe it just skips a generation.  I think that I’m more like an anti-hero (not unlike Travis Bickle, in Taxi Driver though without all the guns, killing, neuroses, hatred and only an occasional mohawk (actually come to think of it, totally unlike Travis)) prone to blown-out knees and large bruises covering the right side of my body.

You live in LA which is a land wrought with crazy people. Do you have any good stories to share with us of your times in LA?
I’ll give you a short story from my first days in LA, so you can be exposed to it in the same way that I was.  Literally days after we moved into our apartment, I went to a downtown art walk with Greg Shaw (brother and confidant of Dan Shaw, my cousin, and newly converted follower of The Blog).  As we were walking through downtown on the way to the neighborhood where the exhibits were, we passed a 7-11 and encountered a man with a scruffy beard and generally inebriated demeanor that decided to squat immediately outside the doors of the convenience store and drop a load.  It was among the most surreal things I have seen; the streets were really crowded, there were literally hundreds of people around, and not only was this guy taking a dump on a public sidewalk, he was looking people in the eye as they passed with this vacant look on his face like nothing was happening. Interesting sights abound in LA.

Any last words for your fellow Thunder Bolts?
Come to LA!  There are root bumps and gritty street spots aplenty!