Health tips from yours truly and alien invasions repelled by Hannah Hart

Thanks Dan for the picture. He took this of us right after we regulated those Arab kids. This is how much it is to fight people at the Eiffel Tower. Try it some time. Ok, so on the blog, I know it's not always appropriate to dive deep into the personal lives of our members for all the public to read. But something has come up, and I feel it extremely appropriate to share with you some personal details of my life. I would like to share with you an important lesson that I've relearned for like the 12th time in my life. I cherish your good health, just as I cherish my own, so I'm sharing this with you in hopes that you'll be smarter and healthier than I have been. Here it is: Don't trust any food that's past the expiration date, been in your fridge for more than a month, has mold growing on it, or all the above combined. I tried it last night, and I'm feeling the repercussions. Last night I finished off what I thought would be a standard bottle of spaghetti sauce that had been in my fridge for like 6 weeks. "Oh, it's fine," I told myself. "Plus, it's been in the fridge for all this time, so that means it must still be good." There wasn't mold growing on it, but one time when I was really hungry, I tried justifying eating my roommate's spaghetti sauce that had a moldy mushroom on top. I thought I could just pick off the mushroom and eat around it. I eventually threw it away then told my roommate he was out of spaghetti sauce. I ate nothing that night...

So the spaghetti sauce I ate last night endowed me with the most terribly powerful farts I can ever remember having. They were so potent that they woke me up several times in my sleep, and I had a dream that I was suffocating. I don't feel all that great today either. So don't do as I have done. Be wiser than me. Be weary of spaghetti sauce bearing strange gifts... Something bothered me the other day when I watched "Battle LA" with Matt and Hannah.

I wasn't bothered by the fact that the whole of LA was wiped out by hostile aliens. No, that didn't bother me at all. What bothered me was the date that the invasion took place. Being the incredibly observant person that I am, I noticed that the invasion date was August 12, 2011. Ring a bell, anybody? Well, if it doesn't, here's your wake up call: It's the same day as the premier!!!!!!! Are you seeing what I'm seeing? I have a compelling theory that extraterrestrial beings have been creating, forming, and implementing their battle plans according to the information I've given them on the blog! Don't you see? They've been reading the blog for months now, trying to learn our secrets, discover our weak points, and hit us where it hurts most. I've seen enough alien invasion movies to know how these creatures work, and they are deliberately invading Earth the same day as our premier in an attempt to thwart our video! They don't want the public to see it because in it, we reveal the most vulnerable weak points the aliens have: water. Yes, our video is the sequel to "Water World." I didn't want to say anything, I wanted you to be surprised and extremely disappointed at the premier, but I have to tell you now why the aliens are invading that day.

Listen up all and every third kind within the reaches of my blog: bring it on!!!! You have no idea the messy can of worms you're going to open in trying to mess with Bolts of Thunder! You bring your fastest, slimiest alien fighter pilots down here and we'll fight you head to head! We'll unleash Hannah, Matt's wife, and her flurry of swinging arms upon you. No weapon, nay, I say again NO WEAPON is powerful enough to repel those arms. They have hit me, held me to the floor, and ground my face into the carpet innumerable times. She has been preparing for this invasion for years, and she's coming out of her corner swinging! That's it for today's post. Now go recruit someone to follow the blog...