Saturday, September 29, 2012

Help me stop second hand smoking

Same trick, different side. So that's the woman herself. Rachel. She's my filmer, photographer, conversationist, journalist, protagonist, friend, and wife. She's amazing because she loves to come out with me and watch me skate more than just about anything. Or at least that's what I like to think. So I have to thank her for taking all these pictures of me when I skate.

So a dirty little addiction I've picked up since being in Italy is second hand smoking. Can't seem to get enough of it. Any time I finally get a wiff of fresh air, someone's sure enough to come along waving a cigarette in my face. I've lost a couple extra days or so of my life from all that smoke. I guess I'm going to have to quit second hand smoking when I go back to Provo. It's hard to second hand smoke there unless you hang out at the provo skatepark on Geneva road (there you can second hand smoke all day long with 15 year olds that are bigger and stronger than me and push mongo. They're a dime a dozen on the other side of the freeway), so I'll probably have to quit it cold turkey. When I came back from Geneva I had to quit second hand smoking, too. Woke up at night in cold sweat, yelling and cursing at the universe. I don't know why I'm talking about this, but I guess I need your help in order to quit, because I can't seem to stop second hand smoking over here in Italy.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I refuse to explain

I know what you're thinking: didn't you already put pictures of that trick on? and: what are you up to? and: where have you been the last couple days?

I can explain. But I won't.

Thanks, Zak, for getting in touch with me pronto style. I'm glad to hear from you, and I hope you're doing good. Anyone else I may have forgotten, I also hope you're doing good. Enjoy today's post.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Searching for Zak Smith

I was trying to get a hold of Zak Smith. You know him as Zachary Smackery from his comments on this blog. Anyway, I wanted to say what's up to him, but I realized I don't have his email, and I can't find him on facebook. So, Zak, if you're still around, or if anyone knows how I can get a hold of him, please tell me. Thank you for your help... Now enjoy this massive hubba grind:

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Gin, Thundie of the week

These are a couple spots I've found here in Siena. Actually, they're all the same spot. It's this bank, it's the oldest existing bank in the world (not the first bank, but the oldest bank still in function. Get what I'm saying?...). They don't car at all that you skate the ledges there, which is completely foreign to me. Like I've been there at 3 in the afternoon on a weekday, and I'm expecting to get the boot, but nothing. Nobody. Maybe it's because they're already done working for the day, which is extremely likely... Anyway, these are a couple ledge friends that I've made here in Siena. The top is a kickflip noseslide, the last is a noseslide, no kickflip.

Now I would like to publicly thank my little sister, Ginger, for her consistent and insightful comments on both this and Rachel's blogs. For being so dedicated, she gets special recognition and wins the award of "Thundie of the week", quite the prestigious award. Thanks, Gin! Keep them coming.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Chad and Derrick and pirates and smoke

Today's post provides a much needed break up in the Bolts of Thunder blog roster. You've seen enough Jon in Italy pictures for the time being, and you just want some green, sunny Provo shots, like the good old days. That's what these pictures are. These are Chad and Derrick, who are not related but should be. They are always together, as in always. Chad is not without the Derrick, nor is the Derrick without the Chad, as the good book should say. The top shot is Chad showing the world the proper pose of the smith grind, as opposed to the smith grind 180 out. The bottom is Derrick doing a frontside noseslide with style on that tall, shady ledge that wants to grind sometimes but not grind other times when you need it to. And the cracks on the ground a large and unfriendly. Anyway, there are your pictures for today.

So apparently yesterday was "talk like a pirate day" back in the states. I'm glad I wasn't there for that, because I probably would have taken it too far and ended up getting into a sword duel with someone. Because on talk like a pirate day it's good manners to carry around a sword, a one shot pistol, and an extra leather glove in your pocket that you can use to slap enemies in the face. It's high class, you've probably never seen it. So I made the mistake of going to Disneyland on national rave day. Not that I don't like Disneyland, because I love the place, but I would have preferred not to associate Disneyland with such lame people. The park was stock full of 15 year old girls and boys wearing bright colors and pretending to be on ecstasy, and the occasional 20 or 30 year old still living the dream. If anyone can just come up with these days, I select that tomorrow is "no smoking in Europe day", to give us at least 24 hours to clear the air and get in a couple full breathes before we start second hand smoking again. This is a strange, unintended tangent... Ok, the power just died at my place, gotta go.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

This is why I haven't been skating this week

Contrary to popular belief, an angry see and slippery rocks can, in fact, get in the way of my skating, as they have this past week. That blood looked like the fake blood on the old original Planet of the Apes, almost as though I had planted it there...

These are the people the helped me clean up the blood off the ground. The tannest, leatheriest-skinned people I've ever met in my life. Here I am showing them the power of white. Not white power, that's something different, and we don't support that. I'm also giving them a little taste of P90X power crunches on the beach, which I don't think they could handle either.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

So so sorry

I tried uploading some pictures, but my internet isn't having it tonight. Sorry. But I want you to imagine the most awesome stunt maneuver you can think of on a skateboard and know that that is the picture I was trying to upload. Sorry.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Run away bus

So me and the misses headed out today for some good old fashioned Tuscan skating. These are some of the shots that Rachel took, bless her heart. So this is the street we live on and the views we get to see every time we look outside. It's pretty amazing.

This pug dog lives down the street from me and threatens me with all kinds of physical harm when I skateboard in front of his house. But as soon as I come close to him, he quickly senses the love of pugs I have instilled deep within me, and he changes his disposition. I like to think we're good friends now.

Now what you've been waiting for. Skateboarding. So these are a couple shots Rachel got of me doing a fakie flip, frontside half cab flip, and frontside flip. In that order. I do love a good kickflip and any variation thereof.

Now that we've got the skating pictures out of the way, let's get on to why you're really here today. Weird stories. Today's strange story is dedicated to our morning bus driver that tried to kidnap us. As we were waiting at our stop, the normal bus that usually comes didn't come up, but a strange looking bus pulled up with a bunch of kids on it. So I told the driver that we were waiting for bus number 26 and if it was coming. He responded with a very impatient, "I'm waiting," to which I responded with a confused, "is that bus coming?" to which he responded with, "Are you coming or not?" Seeing that our bus was late and this could be a good alternative to walking for 20 minutes to the next stop, we got on board. As we I stood in the opened up back area of the bus, I noticed the handicap ramp chair lift thing in the back and realized that we had hitched a ride on the elementary school bus. That would explain all the kids. But then the school bus started making all the rounds of the normal city bus, picking up confused adults wondering why they were boarding a bus full of 12 year old kids. People kept asking him which bus number it was, because it didn't say anywhere on the bus, but for some reason he refused to tell anyone which bus it was or where it was going. So off we went with a stay away crowd of confused people that were all asking each other, "where is this bus going? What number is it?" For some of the people, the bus ended up going in the wrong direction, and they had to get off and back track. Fortunately for us, it went to the right spot, and we made it alright. But all the guy had to do was tell people where we were going, and he would have saved a lot of confusion in the city. Good old Italian fun.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Dedicated to Matt

Along with the post I just put up, I would like to inform all Thunder Bolts out there that it is Matt Hart's, founding member of Bolts of Thunder, birthday today! Matt's been with us for 30 years, and let's all wish him a happy birthday today!!!

How great my Italian is getting

Italian Man: Buon Giorno, come sta?!

Me: Whassut?

IM: Lei e di dove?

Me: Uh... no Italiano... good... mamma mia... Pizza

IM: Si, la pizza, le piacce mangiarla?

Me: ..........You steppin up?

IM: Non capisco Inglese... Le piacce la pizza?

Me:..... .... You ain't mad, is ya? I don't want to fight, man

IM: Perche se mai vuole, puo venire a casa mia per mangiare una buona pizza!

Me: Man..... Stand down, soldier! I don't want to fight an old man!

IM: Vuole dire di si? Non caspisco...

Me: You better step down now, old man, I don't want to fight you!

IM: OK! Va bene! Stasera vuole venire a casa mia per mangiare. Perfetto!

Me: I'm telling you, I don't want to do this!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

The invention of innovation

I guess some times I lose myself. My manners go with it. Brian, thank you for shaking me back in line with that comment. You're right, these streets and fields have seen rivers of piss for centuries and even millenniums, and I should not be spying on a man as he's taking care of his business. And yes, I heard Leonardo, too, was a lover of field urination as he took breaks from inventing stuff and being a renaissance man and what not. Lesson learned...

This picture represents the start of a new era in my skating. There was no ollie involved in this trick. Just a ride on ride off hubba grind. The next generation.

Peepeeing Tom

One of my favorite things about Italy is my bus driver that gets out of the bus every morning at my stop, takes a discrete little stroll into the fog, then takes a quick potty break. I snuck off this shot when he wasn't looking...

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Grazie Leonardo

I need to thank Leonardo Bastreghi for taking these pictures. So yesterday was my first skate outing in the town of Siena, with Rachel coming out with me of course, and we were lucky enough to run into two of the only skaters in the town, Leonardo and Francesco. They showed us a couple really fun spots that we skated, including this two stair. It always brings you back to your roots when you stop off at a two stair for a session. So Leonardo took these pictures and sent them to me today. Grazie, Leonardo, per queste foto! Ci vediamo presto e faremo lo skate. Ciao

yeah, that's me throwing Italian straight up in your faces and making you eat it for breakfast. Because it's dinner here and it's breakfast for you. But it's the best tasting language you've ever had thrown in your face, I can tell you that much.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Anger issues

So my last post had the power, the strength, the will to render one of our readers angry. I'm not sure who it was or what it is about writing on this blog that angers people so much, but if that's how it's gonna be, then that's how it's gonna be. So if people posing for pictures at historical monuments makes you mad, here's another winner that you're bound to hate, a bratty little kid doing the Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch theme dance on a statue that's older than any building in North or South America, besides the pyramids. No joke, this stuff is that old, and this kid is telling us all to suck it:

So while I'm at it, why don't I leave you with a couple other gems we've been able to collect over the past couple days:

This is Rachel looks like when she attacks herself

This is what I will look like when I'm old, blind, and blessed with cataracts 

This is what Rachel will look like when she's old, blind, and lost all her teeth

And this is what Rachel looks like when she's just enjoying life and not eating food and walking around all day in the rain so much.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Leaning people of Pisa

This is Rachel sleeping on a bench in the airport in London during our all day lay over. Our uneasy sleep on the bench and cold floor were interrupted by guy that had gotten caught for stealing sun glasses from a gift shop in the airport. His 12 year old daughter was crying so loud that it bordered screaming, and that kept waking us up. The guy kept trying to bribe the cops out of arresting him by waving this huge wad of cash around that he should have just used in the first place to buy his glasses. I don't know what happened, but maybe one of the cops succumbed to the mighty power of the English pound. They let him go, his daughter stopped crying, and we were able to start sleeping again.

So apparently when you're in Pisa, Italy, and you see the leaning tower, the cleverest, most original photo you can take is to pretend that you're leaning up against the tower and holding it up. The photographer strategically places the edge of your hands against the leaning tower in the back, creating the image that you are, indeed, holding up the tower. Pretty clever, huh. So every person that was there had to get this photo, so I went around and captured these people without the tower in the back. These pictures look way more awesome than what they were originally going for. Let me give you a tour of what's really going on:

This woman is using Jedi powers to repel brightly dressed and loudly speaking American tourists from her presence.

This guy did not understand the concept of the trick photography and impatient grand children finally rushed the scene to place his hands where they needed to be. They told him to pretend that he was clawing at the walls and ceiling of the neighboring church, and that doing such would bring him good luck. The next photo illustrates how the obedience of the older generation.

This is my personal favorite. While this lady was getting her trick photography shot, this guy snuck up behind her to do a little dirty trick photography of his own. His way of getting back at the white man, I guess.

In this photo, I demonstrate how to properly pose yourself while holding up the tower. Except I'm apparently pushing at the base of the tower, which couldn't be good on the foundation. The face is what most people are lacking in their pictures, true conviction.

I know I put this picture up last time, but I wanted to give you at least something to look at skating-wise. Pennywise. Yeah, I just snuck that in. This is Rachel's touched up version of the picture from instagram, so I thought I'd share it with you all. It took me about an hour to load these pictures and write this blog. Italian internet likes to work at its own pace...