Monday, October 31, 2011

Matt Pace, the ninja and farmer

Giving Bruce Lee a lesson in ninja kicks, Matt Pace soars a power ollie over a street gap

Giving all of us lessons in fine agricultural maintenance, Matt Pace
gives us a taste of ripe melon all up in your face

This weekend Bolts of Thunder took a trip south to scout out new talents and skate new terrains. In the sunny city of St. George, we met up with local lifers and shredders Matt Pace, Tyson Cantrell, Joey Harding, Randy Delucchi, and whoever else you might know of that's from St. George and skates. While sniffing out new talents, Matt Pace showed us what a man high on skating can do over street gaps while perspective sponsors are on the line. But who are we kidding? Matt paved the way for Bolts of Thunder back in the early 2000s with his debut part in "Shred Zeppelin" and as far as we're concerned, he's been killing it ever since. So this post is just to publicly announce that Matt Pace is riding, has been riding, and will be riding high hop power boost ollies and melon grabs sponsored by Bolts of Thunder. Expect to see Matt in whatever it is that Bolts of Thunder puts out next whenever that may be... Welcome to the team, Matt!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Good times in 7th grade

Zak Smith thinking crazy thoughts...

Zak getting air-borne

Zak confused

Zak sick of me taking pictures of him

This post is in direct response to yesterday's post. Zak, thankful to be alive and full of pop, went out and ninja hopped over that same barrier. He did it as an expression of human vitality, spirit, and triumph. Thanks, Zak, for carrying the torch for us... In the last picture, are you thinking of giving me the finger? Don't do it, Zak, bad things happen when you start flashing limbs at me... Speaking of flipping people off, I just remembered flipping off Bobby when I was in 7th grade. Not skater Bobby from St. George, if any of you know him. He's my homie. But  other Bobby from St. George, the one that was in my scout troop... Oh yes, fighting at scout camp outs, that's where it used to be...

So Bobby was only 11, but the scout master gave him special permission to come with us on a week-long camp out somewhere in the mountains at this really pretty lake. That was the scout master's first mistake. Bobby, being younger than everyone there, felt he had to prove his manhood by threatening people with hatchets and such. That was the scout master's second mistake, giving Bobby permission to touch the hatchet. The kid didn't know how to swing the thing, he missed the log completely, and tried chopping a nice granite rock in half, chipping the hatchet and pissing off our scout master. Feeling even more stupid for what he did, Bobby then refused to let anyone else chop any wood with the hatchet because that might make him look like a fool. So he would slap this would log with the hatchet, not getting any closer to cutting it in half. It was starting to get dark, and we needed wood, so we got tired of him trying to chop this one piece, and someone tried taking the hatchet from him. Bobby freaked out and threatened to hit the kid with the hatchet. Then I think Matt might have tried taking it, and Bobby did the same thing. Being the Godfather-like figure that Matt is, he knows when he's supposed to fight, and he knows when someone's supposed to fight for him. This was the latter case.

So Matt walked up to me and was like, "Hey, go up to Bobby and try to get the hatchet from him, and if he pushes your or anything, beat him up!" I didn't think it would really come to blows, so I walked up to Bobby and said, "we need the hatchet to chop wood..." and I tried grabbing the hatchet. Bobby pushed me (I was 12, about the same size as him) and held up the hatchet like he'd hit me with it. There was a confrontation of words, I don't remember what I even said (nothing bad, just like, "dude, calm down, just give me the hatchet" something like that...) , then Bobby pushed me again. Years of scout training taught me to recognize an idiot when I saw one, and he was glowing on my radar. I was threw mincing words with him and decided to just start punching him. So that's what I did, punched him in the face a bunch of times. He immediately dropped the hatchet and flailed a couple swings but didn't make any contact. He then fell to his knees, putting his face in perfect level with my swinging arms, and I let him have it. He grabbed onto my sweater and just held on. I remember Matt was like, "Beat him up, Jonny!", Tom Henderson had a big smile on his face, Robert Shumate looked away and fled the scene, not wanting to be associated with violence, and everyone else was in shock that it had come to this. I pushed him to the ground, picked up the hatchet, then started chopping his own log right in front of him, as a statement that I was not to be effed with. Bobby tried telling on me, but the scout master disliked Bobby so much that he wouldn't even hear him out...

So then in 7th grade, a couple weeks later, Bobby would always call me names at school and talk about how he beat me up. I remember getting off the bus and he yelled, "Pussy!" out the window, so I flipped him off. Things escalated into another fist fight right outside of shop class where I got Bobby's blood on my Planet Earth shirt, and he ripped my shirt in half. I had go home looking like a caveman with a shirt that only had one arm hole and shoulder on it, the other half being completely ripped off. I put the ripped-off part under my backpack should strap and kind of covered my naked chest. Middle school is jungle rules...

Thursday, October 27, 2011

A celebration of life

This post is a celebration of life, and the fact that Coleman did not lose his while getting his feet tripped up on this barrier. I'm glad he didn't because I really like the kid. We were all feeling it, Coleman just expressed it with his face - the pain that comes from not knowing. Not knowing if there will be a tomorrow, another chance to eat a hot meal or swim again. Just not knowing... This barrier moves, so Coleman was able to ninja his way out of it no problem. I say you go back and do it again, Coleman.

So as a celebration of life, I want all of you to go around the room and think of something about the people around you that you're grateful for. For example, I'm at school right now and this girl just walked in the room to clean the keyboards. I'm grateful that the girl cleans the keyboards so that I don't have to touch other people boogers that they left behind on the keys and get sick. Try it, it'll make you grateful for life and the people around you. And it'll make you realize how much bacteria you're exposed to and probably touching right now on your computer. Disgusting. Just crazy stuff.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Something really good to say

Today's post is yet another really quick one. My head is going to explode from school work, so I'm going to put up a picture of Tyler doing a 360 flip on this makeshift bank and let you think of what I would say if my head wasn't going to explode. I'd say some really good stuff, too. So think of something really good to say.

Actually, having a short post is a political statement. Yeah, Bolts of Thunder has gone political! Stickin it to the man has never been better, and Bolts of Thunder is at the forefront of stickin it . So take this as a really controversial, political post, featuring Tyler Braithewaite...

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

This week's Dave sightings

These pictures showed up on my doorstep this morning. With no more than a note reading "you ain't seen the last of me!" and a Hallmark thank you card with no signature, I assume these pictures are from Dave, torturing those of us that did not get out on time. Here is Dave showing the new school how to do the mid school on an old school. All were impressed. Once again, I don't know how Dave got a hold of this board or what his demands are, but we're holding out for now until we get more info. If you've seen him, think you've seen him, or have any information on the matter, please come forward. Thank you.

Monday, October 24, 2011

I told you Brandon Miller is just amazing

Some of you might not have believed me what I was saying last time about Brandon Miller. As a voucher, I have attached the following photo of Brandon getting upside down in a baby cradle as proof that his is the highest quality of person. As a student of law, Brandon has been preparing himself for this very moment his entire life. After serving a two-year service mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Brandon knew that law school was the career for him. Putting in countless hours studying, pondering, and examining case law, Brandon has prepared himself for what lies ahead as a lawyer. Being upside down on a skateboard is proof of that. In fact, after he passes the bar, Bolts of Thunder might just get rid of our current lawyer and hire Brandon on. We'll pay him in skateboards, and he can fight our battles for us. We'll get soft and lose our edge from not fighting so much in court, but Brandon will be strong. That's all we care about.

Well, you might not have thought I'd write today, but I did. And as soon as I came, I have to leave. School's calling, and it's got that distressed, anxious call, so I better tend to it, quick. And thanks, Maranda, for correcting my spelling of "alibi". That has been mentally noted in my dictionary. I only wish I knew that before the GRE...

Friday, October 21, 2011

Sweet 16

This week marks the celebration of Wizard's 16th birthday!!! Our little guy is finally coming of age. We made him go out and kill a lion to show all of us he's a man. I guess killing lions at zoos isn't all that hard, or heroic for that matter, and we're now looking at some serious jail time and upwards of 500K in fines... Bolts of Thunder's lawyer is working hard to get us out of this one though. We're sighting the Lesotho preservation of culture act of 1967 as our alloby. I don't know how to spell that word, spell check doesn't know either... So we have to convince the judge that Wizard is actually a white minority from the reservations of Lesotho. We have a chance... Anyway, happy birthday, Wizard. I put up some pictures of him to remind you of who Wizard is. In that second picture, Coleman plays a pretty intense game of Twister with himself, tying himself into a sort of human pretzel. We had to use my knowledge of knot-tying and 4 feet of rope to get him out of that position...

So we got skipped over in the Boy Scouts of America video! Yeah, remember like back in February, me, Matt, and Dan starred in some scouting promotional video. Dan stole the screen with is ripped abs and cut legs. So the guy finally finished the video and emailed me the youtube link. We're not in a single scene! We got cut! We got skipped over! "It was the way John Euroshcpebeck wanted it..." Well it wasn't the way I wanted it! I smart! Not. Dumb! I can figure things out! You came in the video after me, and I got skipped over! Maybe we should get our lawyer to go after the dude that made it, John Eurosphdkebeck, and we could shake him for some change... Pay Wizard's fees and all...

On a last note, I apologize for not writing yesterday. I thought my head was going to explode at some point between 3 and 11 pm, and it was just at that time I was supposed to write. Had I written, my brain would have shot out onto the computer key board and monitor. Then there'd be no more blog for anybody! So I didn't write. But I'm writing today, so that's that. So I woke up at 3 in the morning last night and couldn't fall back asleep until some time much later because I ate something bad yesterday. I have it narrowed down to 5 different food items that I'm going to completely eradicate from my fridge. And perhaps from my diet. At least for the next week.

As a second final note, I would just like to give my personal feelings regarding Brandon Miller and his character. Don't ask me why, but I just feel like I should vouch for him today... Brandon is among the finest of human beings. He is honorable, trustworthy, thrifty, and benevolent. It is my personal feeling that Brandon Miller will make any organization that he participates in better just by his very presence. If he speaks, that will multiply the effect by 2. If he participates in any other way, it will square that effect. And if he takes control and monopoly over that organization, he will raise his good impact to the 10th. So, if one were to ask me what kind of person Brandon Miller is, he is the finest of human beings that I know, and that's the truth.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Per tutti gli italiani

I saw on our stats that we've gotten some views in Italy lately. Since I'm learning Italian right now, I thought I'd say something to our Italian friends:

Ciao gli italiani chi guardano il nostro blog! Siamo conteti di sapere che guardate le nostro foto. Speriamo che questo blog vi piache. Mostrate questo blog con tutti gli vostri amici... Ciao!

Zak Smith and bears

I put up 4 different angles of the same trick so you could see my versatility as a photographer. This is Zak Smith, and like his name suggests, he can smith grind. Better than your average bear, too. In fact, you show me a bear that can smith grind, and I'll call you a crazy man. Crazier than Zak Smith. Thinking of bears, I just remembered a story from when I was probably 4 or 5 years old. My mom and I were out on a drive one time, and we were at the base of these mountains in California. Then this little group of kids came running down the road, frantically waving their arms and calling for help. So my mom stopped, and this kid with blonde hair was like, "There's a huge bear chasing us!!!" "Chasing you, where?" "Down the street! We were throwing rocks at him, then he got mad and started chasing us!" My mom, being well versed in over 400 kinds of animal communication, decided not to call the animal control, and despite my pleading that we not go looking for a great big angry bear, we drove up the street looking for it. We found it at the end of the road digging through some garbage cans. It just looked at us, grabbed a handful of garbage, then casually walked back into the woods. The bear was probably 4 feet tall at the most, but it still scared those kids pretty good. Being relieved that we didn't get mauled, I wanted to just get out of their with our lives and never come back. But the next day, my mom baked a chocolate cake for the bear, covered it in frosting, and we drove back out to the same place. I kept imagining this bear ambushing our little red van, ripping it into shreds, and mauling us to bits. I really didn't want to go, but my mind told me we'd be fine. When I still refused to go, my mom put me in the car anyway, and off we went. My mom was brave enough to get out of the car and put the cake where we had seen the bear the day before, and we sat and watched.

Now to be honest, I don't remember if the bear came out and ate the cake, or if I just imagined it doing so and now I think it really happened. Either way, we made a cake for a bear and delivered it on his doorstep. I think that's the thing they tell you not to do these days. We want our bears to work for their cakes. Steal them from windows if they must. Anyway, Zak Smith and bears, preferably black bears, have a mean smith grind.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Dave McDonald Sighting

After Dave had already packed up and gone to France, he showed up one day at my doorstep. It was kind of like on "The Notebook" how he just was gone then all of a sudden he was there. Or like on "Forest Gump". I didn't even see him, but I from what I hear, he revisited all of our old favorite skate spots and killed it for a couple days. He and Matt are now twins, sporting a shaved head and a healthy beard. It's a good look for both of them.

So I gave all of you an entire weekend to guess who that mystery skater was in the last post, and my wife, Rachel, is the only one that even responded. Well, a promise is a promise, and I promised to dedicated a post to whoever guessed right. Since she guessed right, she gets a post dedicated to her. Coming some time this week...

It had been a good four weeks since I had cut my fingernails, and I had no intention of cutting them any time soon. But last night, with fingernail clipper in hand, I put an end to my fingernails and cut them down. I always thought that long fingernails were pretty disguising, but I actually learned that they can keep you entertained in pretty much any setting. I tapped my fingernails on everything I could touch, making rhythms and beats that Tupac would be proud of, as I walked around at school and studied. I knew they were getting too long when I fell skating this weekend and chipped one of them. That's a sure sign that they're getting out of control. Anyway, If you've never grown your fingernails out for more than a couple weeks, give it a try, you'd be surprised at the attention you'll get and the fun you'll have.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

It runs in the family

You know how some traits don't express themselves until you get older. Like how when you were a kid you could play with cats, but now you can't because they make your eyes itch. Or how you lose your hair when you get older. You know what I'm talking about. Genetics. We find out a lot more about ourselves as we get older just by the way our bodies react to things. Like our parents or grandparents might have these traits, but we don't and we think we got away from them when one day they creep up behind us and throw a blind fold over our eyes, disorienting and frightening us. So I come from a long line of toilet cloggers, the best in the business, and on both sides of the family, too. Not since the time we tried flushing the matchsticks and the match box down the toilet to conceal the evidence of our homemade pipe bomb have I clogged a toilet. I was 10. That was a deep clog, too. A couple days after we did it, match sticks came back up into the toilet bowl after it got flushed, like in a horror movie or "The Conversation." My dad found it and was pretty shaken up. Then I later had to stick my hand deep into the toilet to pull out a jammed cardboard match box we tried flushing down. The duties of a younger brother... And just for the record, building that pipe bomb was dangerous, kids. Unless you want to get you hand blown off or burn down a house, don't make one. We learned the hard way and almost did both of those. It was our neighbor's house though, so at least it wasn't ours. But still, dangerous stuff. So that's the last and maybe only time I've clogged a toilet. I thought the toilet clogging gene might have skipped a generation or something, but yesterday, my toilet clogging gene expressed itself loud and clear as I fought the murky poop water and tried returning it from whence it came. No, not from whence it came, but from whence it belonged. There you go.

My wife, Rachel, was the one that discovered the clogged toilet. Sorry Rachel, I wish you had never seen that side of me... Our hand-me down plunger did nothing but splash crap (literally...) onto my pants. The episode then turned really ugly as Rachel thought it might be a good idea to flush the toilet again, filling the bowl to the brim and overflowing with my own excrement. This resulted in poop water all over the bathroom floor and my leg. It sucked. But, to be honest with you, as it was all happening, a strange thought went through my mind that kind of made me happy, "I eat a lot of vegetables..." They were all over the floor. What was left of them, anyway. Ok, long story short, I spent a while cleaning the bathroom, my toilet now flushes, and there are at least three solid layers of chemicals on the bathroom floor eating away any harmful bacteria. But I guess I have to finally come out of the bathroom and announce who I really am. I'm a toilet clogger. And how long have you felt this way, Jon? All my life...

To end this post, I would like to draw your attention to the pictures above. The first three have nothing to do with anything, but I really like them. You can see with Brian's beard and hair why he'd be the perfect king of men in the Lord of the Rings scenario. Especially Rohan. Now, the last picture was mailed to me, along with several other pictures. I don't know how this person did it, but they got a hold of Matt's old school board, went on a killing rampage on it, and mailed me the pictures. This is the first picture I got with a note attached to it reading, "thought you could escape?.." I sat in my room for three days with a gun pointed at the door, waiting for whoever it was to come through. And I'm still ready for you! Whoever guesses who this person is gets a special post on the blog dedicated to them. No joke, I will do it. Seriously, try to guess who it is. Scared the crap out of me and onto my bathroom floor when I found out who it was...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A quickie, sorry

School is forcing me to make this really quick. So I put up a picture that is beautiful and easy to comprehend: Dan getting a solid couple feet of air out of a 9 foot pool. Yeah, that's super easy to understand and relate to... Sorry, but I have to go now. Don't be mad at me, be mad at school. If it was up to me, I'd make this a lot longer and probably not say anything worth reading. But I'd do it, just for you. But really, I have to go now.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

DJ Night Stalker

Since we finished our last video, Matt's been killing it. We took a couple week break from filming, but the past little while, we've pretty much been filming nonstop for our next little project. Filming every day is pretty much what gets us through every day... Here Matt is gracing all of you with a backside 270 kickturn on a tricky bank.

So Bolts of Thunder is going to release its annual skate dictionary in a couple weeks. You'll notice some changes from last year's edition; we have dropped words that people don't use any more like "yeah" and "stick it", and we've added a couple new words that seem to be current household words. One such word being "pussy". Now this is pussy in the traditional sense, like a cat. When someone does a trick that is wondrous to behold, that person is said to have cat-like ability. Hence why we would call that person a "pussy". It's the highest of complements. Let me give you an example of how this might be used in a sentence. Let's say, for instance, that you are watching your local skate hero at the newest, coolest spot, and he does a back trail dizzle spin flip to fakie without moving his arms, batting an eyelash, and keeping his head tucked all the while for dramatical emphasis on how much of a pussy (cat-like) he is. You can then shout out, "Pussy!" or "you're such a pussy!" or "You skate like a pussy!" to praise him. Seeing that he kept his head tucked as he rode away and his arms are still in that upper-cut position they were in when he landed the trick 8 seconds ago, he actually did the trick just so that you could recognize how much of a pussy he is, and he will thrive off of your comments. He will then proceed to do more amazing tricks and love all the attention he gets from it. This is one of the words Bolts of Thunder is adding to its dictionary this year. It's going to replace "butters" because "butters" isn't even a word and it sounded horrible when people used it anyway. Yeah, good thing we got rid of that word...

Monday, October 10, 2011

The last leg of the saga


To help  me with the Lord of the Rings scenario, I watched the first half of the first half of the extended version of the Fellowship of the Ring, which means it's been going for almost 2 hours and we're not even to Rivendale yet. It occurred to me that Tyler and Finn would be perfect helper hobbits for Sam and Frodo. They would carry all of their camera gear (Sam and Weston would probably leave behind all other supplies so they'd have enough room for camera equipment. They would photo document the entire trip and have a pretty epic photo album at the end of the trip that they would sell to National Geographic and make enough money to support them the rest of their lives...) So Tyler and Finn would be really obedient in carrying all that camera equipment around for them through the wilderness...

That's it, that's all I have. I had all weekend to come up with a good scenario, and that's it. I didn't even come up with it this weekend either, I came up with it as I was putting my flash drive in the computer to get pictures off. I guess I'm just lazy like that. Oh yeah, but I did think that Drew Danburry is going to be an Ent because he's so tall. He'd be a good ent. And while we're at it, I'll just say it. Matt is going to be Gimlee, the dwarf. His nice beard, natural distrust of elves, and tendency to smack his lips make him the perfect dwarf. He would spend the first part of the trip fighting with Legolas (Dan), getting frustrated with him for wandering off, starting fights with local towns people on accident, and not washing his hands after he goes to the bathroom. But then they'd learn to get along and be really good friends in the end.

I think I've exhausted this scenario. If I think of any good things to say about it, I'll say them afterwords. If you're reading this and you're not in the scenario, I'm sorry, but I didn't have enough time to put you in. But I'd say you were an elf because you're so beautiful... And as for me, I'm not in this scenario because I'm the JR Tolkein of this whole get up. But if I were in the scenario, I'd be a mindless pawn, and I'd fight valiantly for Brian. Let's just get this out there now. If I had to choose one person in real life to follow into battle, it would be Brian. He has already proved himself a great soldier, and he has the nerve for that kind of stuff. When the rest of us would be ducking and hiding, he'd know exactly what to do in a split second, and he'd react quickly. If you'd follow his lead, you'd be just fine. Yeah, I'd be one of the men fighting in Brian's army. Seeing as Brian is one of the great kings of men, I'd be one of the men, plain and simple.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Call out to our Russian friends

This is the last post of the day, promise. If you're just getting on the blog, don't forget to read the last couple posts I've put up in the last 24 hours. I just wanted to give a special call out to anyone in Russia that looks at our blog. I saw on our stats that we've been getting a good amount of views lately from Russia, and I wanted to give you guys a shout out. Enjoy the blog!

School, poop, and farts are all closely related...

That woman in the pictures at the bottom of the ledge seems to be challenging Dave, playing a very real game of chicken as it were. Dave, accepting her challenge, charged on into heavy traffic down that huge hubba. It was frightening and fun all at the same time. Me and Matt had been in Paris for only a couple hours and we were both super tired. So Dave mostly skated this day and we filmed him. I tried skating a couple different times and scared the crap out of Matt and Dave because I was so tired and off-balance. Dave and Matt both asked me to stop trying to grind these flat bars we ran found because I was almost killing myself every try...

You're probably wondering why I'm writing two posts today. It's to make up for writing one so late yesterday. If you haven't checked the blog since yesterday afternoon, there are 3 new posts waiting for you. If you haven't checked it in more than that, there's an entire Lord of The Rings scenario going full swing. You just walked into the end of the second movie, about... I'm not going to continue that scenario because I still don't know how it will end. But I'll get back to you soon on that...

So I mentioned school in my first post this morning. So I wrote a pretty crappy paper last week and turned it in. It's like trying to disguise a piece of crap as a brownie by putting sugar and butter in it. Doesn't change the fact that it's still crap. Well my teacher took the bate but barely. By the end of the paper, the turd's true coolers started to show, and he almost sniffed it out. But the sweet butter and sugar I added was too strong for him to see through, and he gave me a B-. It was a D paper, hands down. At the end of it, he wrote, "Jon, as noted, this essay is broad, abstract and, honestly, boring. There's ecstatically no evidence for your claims though admittedly lots of reasons. B-" What's ecstatically? Is that a good thing? Are you complimenting my paper? I don't even know how to react to what that means... Anyway, even though he came down on my paper, he still treated pure, unadulterated crap as though it were a half-baked brownie.

Now that I'm on the theme of school, I'm thinking of my route to school. I only live like 3 blocks from campus, but it can be the most dangerous three blocks of your life if you're not careful. I ride my bike and I have to keep a very open eye out for idiot drivers that don't pay any attention to what they're doing. And BYU is stock full of them. So I was riding my bike to school a couple weeks ago and I had to let one rip. I stopped peddling, sat up from my seat to give some room for the fart to come out, and I let her go. It was powerful, strong, and loud. What you'd expect after a hearty brown rice/lentils combo topped off with a stalk of raw broccoli for lunch. It was so loud that I wondered if anyone was in close enough proximity to hear it. When I turned around, a girl was on her bike literally 3 or 4 feet behind me, just glaring at me. Like she was the quarter back and I was the dude that hikes the ball, she was riding my Aye super close. And she looked pissed. I quickly turned around and started clearing my throat really like to try and disguise the fart as just a standard throat clearing. She wasn't convinced and passed me up... I wonder if she farted when she was in front to get back at me? Anyway, I didn't learn from that experience because the next day as I was going to school, I had pretty much the exact same experience and farted in some dudes face behind me on his bike. I turned around again to see if there was anyone there, and I saw him put on his breaks and back off a little. It's like when you ride behind a bus and you get a mouthful of exhaust. That's how I imagine it going down for these people.

You might wonder why I don't just look before I fart. Like the old saying goes, "look before you leap-fart." A leap fart is what you do in PE class in middle school in 7th period. You have a belly full of gas, you do a jumping-jack, and you let her rip. Not on purpose though, every muscle in your body is already contracted to prevent the fart from coming out. But it wasn't enough, the fart was too powerful for your mere mortal body. That's a leap fart. Now that I'm thinking about it, I remember a story that Ammon told me of this kid that was at a church activity and tried to impress the ward by pulling his leg behind his head. As he got his leg up over his head, his body must have twisted in an unnatural position, and the air in his bowels had nowhere left to go but out. A -pitched howler came from his anus in front of the entire ward. He tried cutting off the fart mid go, and as he closed the passage way, a few last fart molecules forced there way out, producing a high-pitched ending to his fart. The kid quickly put his leg back where it belongs, and he sat there in shame. Good stuff...

Ok, I'll try to restart my last paragraph. You might be wondering why I don't just look before I fart, or why I'm even talking about this at all. And all I can say is I don't know. but you read it, so doesn't that make you just as weird as me for indulging yourself in poop and fart stories and analogies? I think it does. Weirdo.

Post without a name

I think I should apologize for writing yesterday's post so late. Yes, I wrote a post yesterday, but it wasn't until like 10 at night. Yesterday was one of those crazy days. The kind you try to avoid but usually catches up to you. I had a ton of homework I had to finish and not enough time to do it properly, so it was a "hail Marry" homework day: I closed my eyes, said a prayer, and hoped my fingers would type something decently cohesive to turn in to my professor. You'd be surprised how often this works. But when they catch you, the repercussions are swift and brutal. We'll see how it turns out.

Anyway, here are some pictures of me. Yes, I'm self indulgent like that. The first picture is by Weston Colton at my wedding. Thanks Weston! I love that suit I got for my wedding. Honestly, it's one of my favorite things I've ever worn. And I got it for cheap online. It's a Valentino... That's Rachel, my wife, next to me. The other picture is an oldie but a goodie. It's me and my torn up hands. It's my profile thing on facebook, and I just learned how to get pictures off of facebook, so I thought I'd put it up. Drew Danburry took the other 3 pictures at American Fork. What am I saying? Aye Eff. I use acronyms because I live in Utah and I'm cool like that. Thanks Drew for the pictures...

So I'm at school right now and the teacher is talking about kids using marijuana. I think he's a junkie. He's probably the one selling the drugs to the kids, getting them hooked, then running tests on them. All for his research, he will stop at nothing. I know I'm three days into an epic Lord of the Rings scenario journey, but I don't have time to finish that right now. And I haven't even finished the scenario myself... Yeah, I don't know how this will end, if Middle Earth will be saved from the evil one, or if we're all doomed. I guess it's mostly up to Weston and Sam, but we can all pitch in where we can. Anyway, I'll finish it next time...