It runs in the family

You know how some traits don't express themselves until you get older. Like how when you were a kid you could play with cats, but now you can't because they make your eyes itch. Or how you lose your hair when you get older. You know what I'm talking about. Genetics. We find out a lot more about ourselves as we get older just by the way our bodies react to things. Like our parents or grandparents might have these traits, but we don't and we think we got away from them when one day they creep up behind us and throw a blind fold over our eyes, disorienting and frightening us. So I come from a long line of toilet cloggers, the best in the business, and on both sides of the family, too. Not since the time we tried flushing the matchsticks and the match box down the toilet to conceal the evidence of our homemade pipe bomb have I clogged a toilet. I was 10. That was a deep clog, too. A couple days after we did it, match sticks came back up into the toilet bowl after it got flushed, like in a horror movie or "The Conversation." My dad found it and was pretty shaken up. Then I later had to stick my hand deep into the toilet to pull out a jammed cardboard match box we tried flushing down. The duties of a younger brother... And just for the record, building that pipe bomb was dangerous, kids. Unless you want to get you hand blown off or burn down a house, don't make one. We learned the hard way and almost did both of those. It was our neighbor's house though, so at least it wasn't ours. But still, dangerous stuff. So that's the last and maybe only time I've clogged a toilet. I thought the toilet clogging gene might have skipped a generation or something, but yesterday, my toilet clogging gene expressed itself loud and clear as I fought the murky poop water and tried returning it from whence it came. No, not from whence it came, but from whence it belonged. There you go.

My wife, Rachel, was the one that discovered the clogged toilet. Sorry Rachel, I wish you had never seen that side of me... Our hand-me down plunger did nothing but splash crap (literally...) onto my pants. The episode then turned really ugly as Rachel thought it might be a good idea to flush the toilet again, filling the bowl to the brim and overflowing with my own excrement. This resulted in poop water all over the bathroom floor and my leg. It sucked. But, to be honest with you, as it was all happening, a strange thought went through my mind that kind of made me happy, "I eat a lot of vegetables..." They were all over the floor. What was left of them, anyway. Ok, long story short, I spent a while cleaning the bathroom, my toilet now flushes, and there are at least three solid layers of chemicals on the bathroom floor eating away any harmful bacteria. But I guess I have to finally come out of the bathroom and announce who I really am. I'm a toilet clogger. And how long have you felt this way, Jon? All my life...

To end this post, I would like to draw your attention to the pictures above. The first three have nothing to do with anything, but I really like them. You can see with Brian's beard and hair why he'd be the perfect king of men in the Lord of the Rings scenario. Especially Rohan. Now, the last picture was mailed to me, along with several other pictures. I don't know how this person did it, but they got a hold of Matt's old school board, went on a killing rampage on it, and mailed me the pictures. This is the first picture I got with a note attached to it reading, "thought you could escape?.." I sat in my room for three days with a gun pointed at the door, waiting for whoever it was to come through. And I'm still ready for you! Whoever guesses who this person is gets a special post on the blog dedicated to them. No joke, I will do it. Seriously, try to guess who it is. Scared the crap out of me and onto my bathroom floor when I found out who it was...