Wednesday, February 29, 2012

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest




You know, I don't think we've given Matt enough credit where credit's due. Where is credit due?, you might ask. I will tell you. He pulled off one of the most amazing performances we've ever seen in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" back in the 70s, whenever it was. I wasn't even born yet. Neither was Matt. Which makes his academy award all the more amazing. People see him walking down the street or whatever and fail to even recognize that he's a move-making genius and they owe him their proper respect. Being his kid brother and all, I thought I'd dedicate this post to Matt and all his hard work in making movies. So why don't we all give it up for Matt and his amazing performances!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Creepy is common at Bolts of Thunder


You thought I was joking, but the boogy man is making appearances left and right, all over the place. Here he is again, haunting Brian Barlow as he pushes through a nose slider. I guess that's all I really had to say today. Crappy weather and a sore throat are making me want to sleep rather than write, so I think I'm going to retire to my bed right now... Actually, I just noticed Brian's shirt. The alien ripping out of the chest shirt. That's a Bolts of Thunder classic. Only 4 people I know of have one of those shirts... I should make some more. Anyway, I really mean it this time when I say I have nothing to say today.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Return of the Boogedy Man


When I'm getting the camera ready to go, I take pictures to make sure the light and everything is good and ready to go. I'm not saying I know what I'm doing, because I don't, but I at least read the light meter and make sure that the picture won't be too bright or dark. That's the extent of my camera skills. It's funny sometimes to see the pictures I take when I'm getting the light ready because they're sometimes really good looking pictures, candid shots of some unexpected bystander, or creepy shots. Today's photo falls into the latter category. This is a silhouette shot of the boogy man coming after you, taunting and harassing you... That's five years I still don't know how to spell harassing. Every time I write it, my spell check has to correct me. I never learn...

I would just like to say that I'm happy your tranny legs are sharp these days, Dave. Really, I'm super glad to hear you're getting out and skating over there in Paris. It would be a shame, with all those amazing spots, to not get out and skate. And yes, we are trying as we speak to see what we can do about meeting you over in Paris come late August. See you then, and keep your legs sharper than ever, you're going to need it when the boogy man comes your way...

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Confusion


This picture was taken when I used to ride around in half pipes. I will admit, it's been a while, and my transition legs might not be what they once were... But my flat ground legs are stronger than ever. So thank you to Dave and my wife for your comments yesterday. Yes, J-Deb was thinking his hands were cold. And yes, he did want to taildrop kickflip from that one thing onto the other. At least I like to think he did. I guess you'll have to ask him what he was thinking, because I don't really know. I just wanted to see what you thought. So for the last couple posts I've put up, someone keeps clicking the confused reaction button. I don't know if it's the same person or different people every day, but somebody is definitely confused. Maybe we all are and this one lone ranger is expressing the general will of the populous. Or maybe it's one of our Russian friends that doesn't even know what the word means and just keeps clicking it. Either way, the feeling I'm getting is that we're all confused. Confused as to what we're even doing here. Why do I keep writing when I have nothing substantial to say? Why do you keep reading when you leave tired and thirsting for that which quencheth not. My spell check doesn't recognize the word quencheth, so I probably just invented a new word. You saw it here first people, the birth of a new word. And that, my friends, is how words are born...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Even more pimping




Yes, AJ gets two posts within a week's time. He gets two posts because he sports a well-trimmed pimp go-T (I don't know how to spell it...), diamond earrings, and 360 flips over gaps. And when I say pimp go-T, I don't mean pimp as in cool. I mean pimp as in he's in the woman-selling business. This is what that pimp looked like on that train in France. Just make AJ darker colored, give him rotten teeth and a pimp get up suit, he'd be all out. Anyway, now that I think of it, this is the gap that I put a picture up of Zak kickflipping, and Zak commented saying that he could imagine his kickflip being a 360 flip. Zak, looks like AJ's living in the real world, and you're living in some kind of dream world, man. A dream world hopped up on NyQuil and Tylenol. Are you feeling better, by the way? Ok, class starts now, but I leave you in good pimp hands while I'm gone...

Monday, February 20, 2012

Home Improvement



This is a photo of David Law doing what David Laws do best: getting aggressive on home appliances. He remodeled this grass gap with a new, state of the art fridge that holds more than ever. And seeing as it's David Law skating, this noseslide is as stylish and clean as ever. I guess that's all I have to say today. I've got dishes and skating that need to be done, so I best get on it now...

Thursday, February 16, 2012

AJ's beaf


Yesterday Bolts of Thunder saw quite a momentous event. Matt Hart, cowhatever of Bolts of Thunder commented on the blog, making that the first writing Matt has made on the blog! At least that I can remember. I was pretty surprised to see that. And happy to see it. So today we have AJ coming in first place with a back tail on a beafy ledge. Beafy means tall, for those of you who don't talk retardedness. Mrang. So I have to write a paper on carbon emissions, and I need to get going. I'm suggesting that we change the world and outlaw evil as part of United States federal legislation, which I think could be good for our economy. Anyway, I'm out, so enjoy today's post.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Why you might want to abandon ship now...



"My name's Tyson Cantrell, and I'm addicted to Bolts of Thunder..."

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Garrett Taylor's Video's coming out soon!!!


This is the video we've all been waiting for. Filmed for a longer time than the Lakai video, the date pushed back more times than Zero videos, and everything else you'd come to expect from skaters working on a video. So Garrett, for all of you who don't know, knows what he's doing with a camera, and this video is going to be fun to watch. Check out the trailer if you don't believe me. I might even have some tricks in this video. Let's all pray that I have some tricks in this video, it just might happen... So anyway, I want you to check out this trailer and place an order on Garrett's website for your own copy of the video. Come on, do your civic duty...

I would now like to officially welcome Alex Washington as an official follower of the Bolts of Thunder blog! Welcome!!! We're glad to have you. I'm surprised my hollow threats worked. Maybe I should do that more often... Also, I would like to respond to comments on yesterday's post. No, there's nothing wrong with my bowels. But there's something seriously wrong with a lot of the food we eat in our country. Seriously. Stomachs aren't supposed to be able to digest entire salads from Cafe Rio in one sitting. My bowels are reacting naturally to the load placed upon them, and if your bowels have become desensitized to the crap food you eat, then I'm sorry for you. But as for me and my house, we will eat good food.

One last thing. Our blog has a new feature!!! At the bottom of every post, you can check off what your reaction to the post. I put down the four reactions that I think will be most common, so I want to see what you have to say about these. Enjoy our new blog...

Monday, February 13, 2012

Cafe Diario




This is Alex Washington. He's a local kid/shredder/skater/ripper etc, and he tried this double set last weekend. It's been in the neighborhood for ever, but to my knowledge, nobody's ever ollied it. It has this soft, crappy runway that sucks the life out of you and your skateboard when you ride at it, rendering you powerless against the massive steps. But Alex pushed through, giving it his all, and busted up his feet. He asked me to tell him when I put these pictures up on the blog, and being the Eagle Scout I am, I sent him a text right when I was done writing this telling him that it's up. But now that I think about it, why isn't Alex a regular follower of this blog? Why must I inform him of when his pictures are posted? If he just follows it like everyone else, I will not have to tell him when I put up his pictures. So Alex, this post is an official call out for you to be an official follower of the Bolts of Thunders blog and to check it regularly so that when I take pictures of you in the future, you will see them get posted without me having to tell you. You have 24 hours to respond... Actually you have all the time you want, but I thought I'd say that. And while I'm thinking about it, don't forget to check out yesterday's post. I normally don't post on Sunday, but I did yesterday, and it's got some good stuff, so check it out.

They call it Cafe Diario for a reason. Or at least I do. That reason being, as the name would imply, the food you eat there fills your stomach with bacteria-caked goodness that leaves you with ample of time to study the shower curtain and tile floor in your bathroom. I got plenty of thinking time this weekend in various bathrooms up and down the Wasatch front, and I came to one conclusion: Don't eat Cafe Rio. I normally don't to begin with, but I had a gift card to eat there. Three of them, actually. And by combining all of them, we got two full salads for $4. Now that I think of it, if I could go there right now and get that much food for $4 bucks, I might do it again, just to spite the restaurant. I wouldn't eat it of course, my time is too valued to be spent on the toilet all weekend. Anyway, spread the word, Cafe Rio is dangerous, it'll mess you up!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Leprechaun










This post marks the return of our dear friend, David Law, to the Bolts of Thunder blog. David headed out for several months chasing after the elusive leprechaun and his pot of gold. Just like in every good movie story line (Dances with Wolves, Avatar, Pocahontas, The Last Samarai - the list goes on...), the leprechaun caught David, treated him to some gold old fashioned Irish hospitality, and slowly succumbed David to his gold-hoarding and red beard-growing ways. David came back nonetheless as limber and agile as ever and demonstrated that with this wallie straight up and over a refrigerator. So why don't we all put our hands together once more for our friend and be amazed at his fridge-jumping skills...

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Monday, February 6, 2012

I gotta say, it was a good day




They said it could not be done. They said it was unbeatable. But on Friday, February 3 at roughly 2:30 PM, the Hart brothers proved them all wrong, and on their first continue, too. Deep into the belly of the alien conclave we fought and found ourselves, and in the slimy caverns of that wretched place they sent Matt on his final journey into the other world. I pushed on, armed with a spread, and made my way toward the mother alien. Firing everything I had at her, I dodged her fireballs and destroyed her slime attacks. With nothing left to fight with, the mother alien lay vulnerable in front of me as I smote her ruin upon the mountainside... We've been campaigning through the old original Contra games on Nintendo, and we've beaten the first two, turning our sights towards the third one. I'm talking about Super Contra above, and it's a fun game. So me and Matt beat it the other day.

In other news, Dave continues to send me menacing photos of himself skating familiar spots. In these photos, Dave lands the ultimate of ultimates: 5-0 down the hubba on an old school board. Bet you thought you'd never see the day. Remember this day, dear brother, for it is a good day...

Friday, February 3, 2012

Shuv it!!!!



I just got kicked out of the computer lab I'm working on at school. Apparently Bolts of Thunder is too hard core for the conservatives down at BYU. I told him to "Shuv it!" when he asked me to leave. Then I told him that my boy Matt can shuvit, and I showed him these pictures. That's right, Matt pops and catches his shuv its, and he can spin them around without pivoting. In these pictures, Matt's demonstrating how to do a bigspin on a bank, and with ease at that. So Matt's been killing it as of late, when he's not bed-ridden with the coughing disease, and we've been documenting it with all of our cool technology. Speaking of being bed-ridden, I had a really good sleep last night, and I'm feeling much better. I didn't skate at all this week because the weather sucked and I wasn't feeling good. But I'm feeling optimistic about this weekend, and I'll probably head out skating. Ok, the guy is making his rounds again in the computer lab, and he's staring at me, menacingly at that. I better pack up and leave... "Under what authority?! You can't kick me out, no! This is a free country! This is a public school!" ... "No, it's not a public school, it's private. And I'm kicking you out because you're not in this class. You didn't pay to be here. Get out."    "What ordinance?!"... This is a losing battle kids, don't ever repeat these words. They will only make you hated in this world.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Return of the Pimp

I'm still tired, I'd say 88% better, which means I'm not putting up any new material today. However, I am again posting one of my favorite posts, this one featuring Dan, Matt, and a prostitute on a train from Paris to Nice. Nice... So this pimp showed up on the train and sent out his little minion prostitutes to make him some money the old fashioned way: with their bodies. Not their minds. Women using their minds is a dangerous thing. Did you know that women in Europe were against going to war in 1914? Yeah, pacifist women didn't want to have World War I. Can you imagine the nerve of women standing in man's way and not letting him destroy himself in the most horrible of ways. Anyway, this pimp's obviously got it all figured out, and he sent out his women to do his dirty work. Dan, too pure and innocent to be tainted by the stains and trash of society, just thought the scantly clad woman that was hitting on him was just trying to be nice. I mean, why wouldn't she be? She just wanted to make friends on her train ride to Nice, and, well, yes, she wasn't really wearing any real clothes, but Dan just wanted to be a friend back. So Dan was slowly and surely ensnared by the woman's web of deceit and flirting, and Dan agreed to become her friend on facebook, which is like getting to first base nowadays. Second base is getting a phone number. Third base is contacting the person via phone call rather than text message. And fourth base is speaking to the person face to face. Oh yes, boys and girls, let me tell you how wonderful fourth base is. When you're rounding third and the base coach calls you in for a nice slide straight into home and you actually talk to that special someone with no technological device to get in the way of you two love birds... yes, fourth base is nice. So Dan's fourth base wasn't the fourth base the prostitute had in mind, which would have created some serious confusion had we not stepped in. Oh yeah, that's another thing, make sure the other person knows what kind of fourth base you're thinking of when you just want to meet them in person. Communication is the key in these troubled times...

So after sharing a special moment together on the train, the woman went to the bathroom to freshen up and probably come up with a new plan seeing that such come ons as "Maybe we could meet up later?" "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" and "where are you staying?" were not making themselves loud and clear to Dan. She'd probably just have to come out and ask him if he'd pay her to have sex. But we intercepted the situation, and while she was in the bathroom, we asked Dan if he realized she was a prostitute. He denied it and was even a little upset that we'd suggest his new friend, Roxanne we'll call her, was willing to sell her body to the night. When she came back, the conversation continued, and after Matt's relentless inquiries as to her profession, Roxanne finally rolled her eyes and said, "I'm a stripper." Dan, relieved that she at least did not have sex for money, only took her clothes off, proudly announced to the entire coach of the train, "Hey guys, you hear that?! She's not a hooker, she's a stripper!" ... Silence. It took a couple seconds for commotion to start up again in our awkward part of the world as we made our way to Nice. After a couple minutes, Roxanne got up again, and we took the opportunity to reassure Dan that she was indeed a prostitute. We even pointed at her pimp, a younger man in a dark blue button up shirt with extra large collars that flared out, jewelry hanging off of every appendage of his body, a well trimmed pencil-thin beard that bordered his chin, and rotten black teeth, probably from smoking crack or something. He was hiding at the bottom of these stairs spying on us the entire time, and we pointed him out to Dan.

Dan, now realizing that we were on to something, got a little nervous. The woman came back, said she had to go and she'd like to see him again, then walked off. Then she walked down the stairs, said something to the pimp, pointed at Dan, then walked off. The pimp then walked up the stairs and into the cabin where we were, pulled out a pen and a notepad (pimps are apparently a very organized group of artisans) and asked Matt if he wanted to write his number or email. Matt didn't even look at the dude and simply said "No" and signaled with his hand for the pimp to walk away. He then turned over to Dan and asked the same thing. Dan hesitated for he had not much experience with sub-Parisian pimps, not like Matt anyway, and he then said no. The pimp recognized the hesitation in Dan's voice and fed on it. "Come on, just be her friend... Write your email." So Dan, knowing that pimps and prostitutes are not the friendliest of company to be mixed with, wrote a fake email and sent the pimp on his way.

That was enough to scare the pepper spray out of Dan. Dan quickly went through his bag and pulled out his pink hot-topic pepper spray inside a black holster and slipped it onto his belt, allowing a quick release and rapid fire of pepper spray into the train cabin in the advent that the pimp return. We all saw what it was and asked Dan to put it away, fearing that he accidently set off the pepper spray, blind us all, stop the train, get us thrown off the train, and possibly get the police involved because we didn't exactly have tickets to be on that train... Not exactly... But we did at the same time. Long story. Dan complied, put the pepper spray away, and off to Nice we went. What a fun trip. I tell you, it was... The funniest quote of the entire incident is below. I'll just let you read it. Man, I didn't think I had anything to write today. Guess I was wrong. Miss you Dan... And Garrett and Shereen while I'm at it.


"It's just so weird, when a girl looks you in the eye and you know she cares about you and loves you. Then you find out she's a hooker!" -Dan Shaw

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Re-run

I'm still tired today. But I will admit, I'm feeling much better than yesterday. Just not good enough to write any new material. So I thought I'd put up one of my favorites from a while back. This is from last year, and it's a Bolts of Thunder classic. I love it, and I think you should too. I'll just come straight out and say it, I miss Nick, and it'd be fun to hang out with him right now. We'd probably be laughing if he were. Anyway, this post made me laugh, so I wanted to put it up again. Enjoy!:




"Oh, hey Fear. Yeah... I remember you... What's up?"


"Yeah, ok. whatever dude...."


"OH REALLY?!!! Is that what you're going to do to me?"


"What? What'd you say?"


"JERK!!!"


"From this moment on, we are enemies, you and I!"

That was a conversation Nick had with an old acquaintance of his, Fear. Nick has declared war on Fear, and sent his first wave of launch on launch offensive action on the locals of Eagle Mountain late this winter. Looks like Nick's got the strategic advantage over Fear and is implementing new high-powered long range launch attacks. Good luck Fear, you're gonna need it...