Tuesday, July 19, 2011

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This post is a fist in the face to anyone who has ever trained, warmed up, prepared for, or even planned to do any kind of physical activity. Pretty much to every human out there. I will tell you of an amazing feet that Dan Shaw has just pulled off, probably setting some kind of new record without even realizing it. But before I do, I'm going to congratulate Weston on his photography. A couple months ago, Weston got the cover of the Ensign magazine! I put the picture up top so you can all see. For any of you that might not know what that means, getting the cover of the Ensign is like shooting the cover shot of the Skateboard Mag for Mormons. Good job Weston! The Ensign magazine is yet another organization that Bolts of Thunder has successfully infiltrated this year. That sequence up there is Weston doing what Weston does best, skating good and proper. Ok, the next big accomplishment I must put up is almost unbelievable, but it is totally true. I actually didn't believe it at first, I thought it was some kind of joke. But as it turns out, it is completely true. Once again, I have underestimated Dan Shaw... Yeah, you guessed it. Something so unbelievable and unhuman must have been done by Dan. Nobody else would have survived. Speaking of not surviving something that Dan can survive, 12 college kids got blown up last weekend down at the Devil's Arse. They all survived, but I guess they got burned pretty bad. It's this huge pit, as in thousands of feet deep, and you can lite stuff on fire, throw it in, and watch it blow up. I went out there once with Dan and watched as he knelt down on a piece of ply wood on the rebar grate on top over 11 gallons of exploding gasoline. It pushed him about 4 feet in the air, levitating him for a couple seconds, then dropping him back on the rebar. He rode it out no problem. Yeah, 11 gallons of gasoline, and he dared stand on top of it and take on its fury. He kind of levitated in the air like those blue whistle things that you have to blow in at the doctor's office. You know, you blow in that tube and you have to keep that blue ball thing between those 2 lines for a certain amount of time. That was Dan for about 4 seconds, he became a human doctor blowy ball. I guess those poor kids last weekend didn't have Dan's same kind of luck, and they got burnt... Anyway, back to what I was originally saying, Dan Shaw ran a marathon last week. Now you might read this and think, "So, thousands of people run them every year..." Yeah, but did those thousands of people just wake up in the morning and decide to run a marathon that day? Forest Gump is the only other dude I can think of that's done something similar. Yes, you understood correctly, Dan woke up in the morning with nothing on his plate that day, his mom told him about this guy that ran 50 marathons in 50 consecutive days, and Dan thought, "If he can run 50, I can run 1," he looked up how far he had to run to get in his 26.2 miles, put on some shorts, and started running. I repeat what I just said in case you don't comprehend the gravity of this accomplishment: Dan Shaw woke up in the morning, got out of bed, and ran a marathon without any kind of training, stretching, warm up, or planning of any kind. He wasn't even in a race, he just did it all by himself. Do you understand what I'm trying to say now? Do you see why we highly suspect Dan of superhuman capabilities? In discussing this event with Ammon, he suggested to me that Dan might very well be the next link in the evolutionary staircase.Ammon being highly qualified to make such a decision, I agree with him. Now that I think of it, marathons got there name because of the Persian wars with the Greeks. The Persians were invading a city, and a soldier had to run to the closest city, Marathon, which was 26.2 miles away, to tell them they were under attack. He ran the entire way there and delivered the message, but because of all the adrenalin in his body and because of how tired he was from the run, he dropped dead when he got to the city. He had the letter in his hand from his captain that explained the situation, so the people of Marathon got their army together and fought off the Persians. True story, I'm not making that up. Google it if you don't believe me. What I'm trying to get at here is that a highly trained Spartan Greek soldier couldn't even handle the distance without training to run that far. But Dan made it through without any adverse effects at all... Yeah, Dan definitely is the next link in evolution. People, want to know what humanity is going to look like in a couple centuries? Take a good look at Dan Shaw.

2 comments:

  1. not surprised. I bet Dan could do an ironman tomorrow without and training.

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  2. That is the most beautiful picture of the Temple. I'm looking for a good woman for Sam. He could use her for photographic inspiration till the cows come home. Would make for some interesting pics; a beautiful woman and cows.

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