Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Adventures in Ice Cream delivering


As you can see in this picture, Matt has a strong sense of pride and dignity. You want to know where he got this kids? Working hard jobs like the ice cream man for 2 days!...

Last you recall, the family was laughing hysterically while Matt lay on the couch staring at the ceiling. He had just become an ice cream man; inducted into a profession full of ex-cons and drug attics. Who knew, maybe Matt would become one of them? His prospects were looking good, he had already jumped over the biggest hurdle: becoming an ice cream man. Now that I think of Matt lying on the couch, it reminds me of Rocky the night before he goes up against Apollo Creed. Working was Matt's Apollo Creed, and he knew he had never gone the distance with work before. That's what Matt's night was like; he was preparing to box Apollo Creed the next day: drive around in an ice cream truck for 7 hours straight with little girls calling you names and listening to "Here he comes, the ice cream man!" and various artists' renditions of "pop goes the weasel" and what not. Yeah, that would be a crappy night for anyone, especially for Matt. So That night Matt told me that he was going to come by the skatepark when I got out of school and to tell all our friends to come and buy ice cream from him. So that was the plan... So the next day Matt showed up to work and they handed over the ice cream van and keys and let Matt loose on the city of St George. I'm not really quite sure what Matt did the entire day. I guess he just started driving around the streets with his music playing and hoping that kids would buy his ice cream. This job was based purely on commission, so Matt needed to use his amazing sales skills in order to make money. Yeah, you can definitely say that 19 years of avoiding hard labor had caught up to Matt as he drove multiple times around elementary schools and followed school buses on their drop-off routes, hoping that kids would flock to his truck and buy his ice cream. I remember Matt telling me he felt like some kind of criminal following little kids in big van, trying to get them to buy his ice cream. And to make things worse, every person Matt had ever met in St. George saw him driving that ice cream van. Girls he knew in high school were pointing and laughing at him as they drove by and friends of ours that hadn't heard the news were super confused why they saw Matt driving an ice cream truck. For months after that, I randomly ran into people that would tell me, "dude, I saw this guy driving an ice cream truck that looked just like your brother!" Everyone saw him, it was hilarious. So then when school got out, me and all my friends went to the skatepark as usual, and right at 3:00, I heard the faint tune of the ice cream man, growing louder and louder. I looked across the park to the entrance and waited for Matt to come driving around. The music was getting pretty loud, but Matt didn't come for a minute. Then finally, this big white van with blue and pink popsicle stickers all over it came crawling out from behind the wall at the entrance. Matt slowly creeped through the parking lot, obviously ashamed of his job. Everyone that was there just busted up laughing, they couldn't believe Matt was actually the ice cream man. Matt slowly made his way through the parking lot and to the entrance of the skatepark, then just turned off the engine and sat there. It was like he couldn't get out of the van and talk to his friends, he had been too humiliated to do that. I think he kept the music playing though, just in case anyone didn't realize that one of their best friends was sitting 100 yards away in a big ice cream truck, passive aggressively asking you to come down and buy his ice cream. Imagine if you had a good friend that fell on really hard times, so he just showed up at your house wanting to ask for money, but never really did. He kind of sang a song about needing money, but didn't just ask for it. That's what the ice cream man songs are; they are cries for help, asking people... no, children for their money without really asking them for it. So Matt sat out there for a couple minutes and just watched us skate. I told all my friends that they should buy ice cream from Matt, and this kid Rico was the only one that did. I went down to talk to Matt for a minute, but he was too bummed to talk. He just sat in his van... After 10 minutes or so, Matt started the engine again and slowly drove away, feeling betrayed by all his friends that didn't buy ice cream. He looked like a defeated man leaving that parking lot... So that night when Matt came home, I think he just resumed his position on the couch of staring at the ceiling. We all wanted to know how it went, so he broke the news to us... "I worked 7 hours and made $21..." For those of you that are not mathematically inclined, that's $3 an hour. I think that was minimum wage during the Great Depression. Yeah, he had taken a serious hit financially by accepting this job. I think that he thought that maybe there was a chance that his fortunes would improve and he'd find a route that would make him a lot of money. But this guy that looked like Keith Richards had the best route, and he was fiercely territorial in protecting it. Word on the street was that the guy made over $100 in a single day, setting the record for ice cream profits in a single day in St George. A thought I just had, who wants to buy ice cream in November? Even in St George, you don't want ice cream. Not a good business idea... So Matt sat there and told me the events of the day, how he followed a school bus full of elementary kids so that they'd buy his ice cream when they got off the bus. Not a bad idea, and I think he made a couple bucks from doing it.... If you think that you would quit after one day of this job (or not even show up for your first day), you represent 99% of the American population. That other 1% are the people that show up the second day of work for another beating. Of that 1% that stay, another 99% leave after the second day. If you last 3 days, well then... I'm sorry to say, but they've got you in their clutches. Fortunately for us, Matt falls into that 1% of the population that shows up a second day of work as the ice cream man. You have an entire new day full of fun and adventures as Matt roams the streets of St George in his white, carpet insulated ice cream van to look forward to. But another time, same place...

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