Wizbang Sr

Technology is the way of the future. The chainsaw did a pretty good job of proving that to Paul Bunion way back when. I realize that every time cars pass me on my bike as I ride to Matt's house to play Contra. The machine is faster than the man, I'm sorry to tell you all. Anyway, seeing as technology is the direction we should all be heading in, Bolts of Thunder has invested all of your stock money (thank you for your contributions, we would not survive without them...) into this new technology developed by Captain America's scientists. Actually, Samuel L. Jackson invented it when he was wearing his little eye patch, so you know it's got to be good. So we have this new machine where we take our scrawny bodies, stick them inside, inject ourselves with highly concentrated superhuman brain juice, and we come out as super men. Well, we were all a little curious. What happens when you take a natural-born super man then hop him up on brain juice? Being the curious people we are, we got Wizard to sign up. We stuck him in our machine, strapped him down, and injected his veins with blue matter. The results were astonishing; as this mega heelflip demonstrates, Wizard can now jump several feet higher, he's taller, and he's probably way stronger too. Yeah, he is. He's way stronger. Now that we know the machine works, I'm next up. I want to be able to grow a beard, a real man's beard, so I'm going to go through the painful brain man juice therapy, hoping it will fill my body with the required levels of testosterone and overall manliness required to grow a respectable beard...

Ok, now's probably time to let the cat out of the bag. I lied to you. You shouldn't be shocked, I lie to you all the time. But this lie was straight to your face, I didn't flinch, blink, look away, or stop nervous head bobbing/shaking as I stared you in the eyes. I just looked normal at you, and you believed me. Yeah, I lied. That's right, feet on my couch, don't care who you are! I've told you that before, but you didn't believe me. But now that I've lied to me, you've believed me, and I've turned myself in, you realize now that the bottoms of my feet are covered in doodoo, they're on your couch, and I don't care who you are! But I'm sorry, truly sorry about the doodoo, I recommend Tide. It should get the stain out... Back to my original point. That is not Wizard hopped up on highly concentrated superhuman brain juice. Rather, it is Wizard as he will probably look in a couple of years. It is Wizard's older brother, Gene Simmons. You know, from Kiss. You didn't recognize him because he's not wearing his make up. But it's him... I lied again. It's Wizard's older brother, Tyler. As far as I can tell, Tyler's got mega pop, he rips, and he seemed like a nice guy when I met him. At least decent enough to skate with. Well, I don't know, I didn't really talk to him all that much, but still, that's beside the point. I'll stick with what I originally said, he's a nice guy. So here it is, young and old, Tyler Wizbang Sr's proud introduction to Bolts of Thunder (round of applause)!!!