Great White Shart Attacks

It was just brought to my attention that my last name is in the word "shart". This seems rather fitting since sharting is a part of my heritage. Who are you to judge me? You'd be a lier if you said it wasn't a part of your heritage! It's a part of all of us, and it's what makes us strong. Being able to sit through 8 hours of school when you've sharted your pants will make you strong, real strong. And you won't have any friends at school, which I don't think I do. Anyway, the point of this post is not to confess anything to you about bowel movements. Instead, I just thought Matt told me a funny story earlier today. He told me how he was checking out something from the Orem library a year ago, and the lady had to verify has email address. So when Matt made his email address years back, he put the initials for his first and middle name, MS, then he added "hartattack" after that. So his email reads "ms hartattack". So when Matt was at the library this day, the lady said, "ok, let me just verify your email address. It is.... .... m shartattack...." Matt had never thought of that before, but he couldn't deny it because that would discredit everything he had ever done in his life, and that just ain't his style. So he just looked at the librarian for a minute, then without smiling or looking confused, he simply replied, "yes". Like a veteran soldier who knows how to suck it up and deal with it when he's sharted in public, Matt checked out whatever it was he was getting at the library under his new alias "M Shartattack". since then, several other people have commented on matt's sharting email address, but Matt's holding out strong and doesn't plan on explaining to them what it is or changing it. Next time you shart and don't know what to do, look to Matt for encouragement, that thought will ease the pain of your suffering...