Remember that old 80's show of Beauty and the Beast? I think Beast lived in the sewer or something like that, and Linda Hamilton from the Terminator movies was in it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then look it up, because it revolutionized daytime TV watching and gave Sebastian Bach and Braden Sofranski dressing tips for the next 30 years. The only memories I have of watching the show are when I was sick as a little kid, and I had to stay at home and watch day time TV. Those were the most painful TV watching experiences I can remember because there were no cartoons or any good movies, just painful soap operas for lonely stay at home women and sick children. By the end of the day, sick or not sick, I tried my best to convince my mom that I was no longer sick and fully capable of playing outside with all the other kids. Years of practice taught me how to keep a straight face and hold in coughs when they were banging on the door during these mother son interviews, as they were. It required the development of serious abdomen muscles and a desensitization of every feeling in my body. 20+ years later and I still don't feel a thing... Anyway, the Beauty and the Beast show was just amazing.
So I know all of you are wondering what ever happened to Beast from that show, and because looking it up on Wikipedia would just require too much effort, you've been in the dark... Until now... So a couple months ago while skating up in Salt Lake, we stumbled upon our old friend!!! Don't believe me? I have photo evidence of it:
Turns out that being a daytime TV star isn't so friendly at times, and Beast really has been living in the sewers for the past couple years. Hearing that there was going to be some kind of hippy/drugy/homeless people gathering known as Occupy Wall Street and that free drugs and maybe even sex might be available in these modern day Grapes of Wrath migrant camps, Beast thought he'd try his hand in some good old fashioned protesting, Occupy Wall Street style. This type of protesting involves not specifying demands, becoming even poorer because you're camping on week days rather than working, and doing lots of drugs. When we saw Beast, he was hopped up on crack (no joke, I'm being serious right now) and telling everyone he was an ambassador for Occupy Wall Street. Actually, he didn't say that because he was speaking in tongues, but his spokesman hippy buddy was translating for him. Yes, what wonderful representatives for this wonderful group of people. I'm sure that there non-specified demands will surely be met when they approach the delicate situation of poverty and inequality with such class and finesse. Did you hear me rich people, stop being so rich! And start giving your money to drug addicts so that they don't have to prostitute themselves in order to make money for drugs. I think that's what the Occupiers were demanding?...
Now that I'm on it, I will say it straight out. I fully agree that there is inequality and poverty in America and especially outside of America, and I think that people should be charitable and help others. But homeless people terrorizing the streets of major cities, is that really going to make your message loud and clear? There should be a better way of doing this. And when you roam the streets high and intoxicated and harass bystanders, I'm sure you're really going to get whatever it is that you want, which we don't even know what that is and neither do you. Anyway, I just had to get it out there. That's right, Bolts of Thunder just got political all up in your face!
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