Tuesday, September 20, 2011

With a little help from my friends











Most would say the war ended four years ago. They would be wrong. In my mind, there's still a war raging, and the opposition is taking some serious casualties. What war, you might ask, am I talking about. You know which war it is. The war that mankind has been fighting since before it was even mankind. The war it's been fighting since before it could walk on two legs, since before it could walk on dry ground, since before it could swim in the waters. The war started in the very beginning, when mosquitoes slowly started evolving, slowly turning into the human beings we now are... Yes, the war we rage today and will continue to rage until kingdom come is the war against the mosquitoes, our former selves... If mosquitoes 50 billion years ago could time travel into the future, they would see their once dominant species a slave, an outcast to humans, their not-so distance cousins, with modern mosquitoes shamelessly sucking blood from helpless human victims, like the leaches they are. My scenario is not too unlike Planet of the Apes, the first one, the best one, the only good one, and the mosquitoes would see their brethren as a scattered, hated group of insects...

Why am I talking about mosquitoes? Because I killed about 5 of them last night, and I felt like bragging. And why, you ask yourself, so much hatred toward mosquitoes. To put it short, I couldn't ever forgive them for the things they done to me in the Caribbean, plain and simple. Well then, you ask again, why didn't you just wear bug spray or use a mosquito net when you slept. Well, I say back to you, let me answer your question with another question. Why didn't the Union troops just duck when General Grant yelled "fire" on their Yankee-A's? Because if you're going to fight an enemy head on, a real enemy, not some wimpy high school bully, but a real, ugly, determined enemy, you want to come out head on, swinging what you got. That's what they did at the end of "The Last Samurai," remember? And that's why there are no more samurais, they were the last ones because they died in that retarded, hopeless battle charge against heavy artillery and fire arms. Yeah, Tom Cruise isn't much of a samurai. There definitely would have been more samurais had they not let Tom Cruise into their village. The samurais would have reproduced and come back for more...

In other news... Well, there is no other news. That's it. Nothing. Nothing substantial or worth remembering. That's all I have to offer today. You came here for nourishment, I promised substinance and I turned you away hungrier than when you came. Now I'll rely on some friends to get you out. Wizard, as seen above, is skateboarding. And see what happened when he relied on his Bolts of Thunder friends to help him get on that rail? He fell. But he did land that nollie heelflip on the run up the bank to land in grass. I'll stop there.

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