Monday, February 28, 2011

The Real Fight club


Funny story about Matt. So a couple months ago he parked his car at school, and as he was getting out of his car, he noticed this dude in a truck pulled up right behind him and was blocking the car in. I don't know if the guy didn't realize that Matt had just parked his car which means he probably wasn't planning on leaving, so his little blockade wasn't all that effective. But then the guy (who Matt described as "big", must have been really big for most people standards) started telling Matt, "hey man, you took my spot! I wanted to park there!" How do you respond to that? Do you get into your car and back up into the dude's truck? That's an option. That would probably really ruin the guy's plans of intimidation. Man, that's a good idea, if we come across this again, I think that's what we'll do... Anyway, Matt just told the guy sorry, but he got there first, so cut his losses and move on. Something like that. But the guy insisted that Matt took his spot and even told Matt he was going to do something about it. Having mentally prepared himself for this exact scenario by running possible scenarios in his head of how he would preemptively attack an aggressor, Matt knew that he needed to get the first hit in to either scar the guy, disorient him, or at least say he got the first hit in when he was at the hospital and/or put in jail. Matt figured that if he looked confident and angry enough, the guy wouldn't know what to do and would either drive off or release fecal matter in his pants. Matt charged the guy and said "whatever mean things came out of my mouth (quoting Matt)" in a really mad voice. Most of you have never heard Matt really yell at someone. I have. And it's scary. It was the day before his 18th birthday and he had pinned this kid Logan that had punched me for backhanding his girlfriend for kicking me in the balls because I spit on her because she spit on me because I told her she sucked at skating because she flipped me off for no reason, and Matt was holding Logan by the hair, lifting his head off the ground, and told him in the angriest, most confident voice I've ever heard, "YOU DON'T (can't remember what goes here. sorry...) WITH US!!!" Logan's eyes were huge, I've never seen anyone that afraid before. It was like the hyenas pinned by Mufasa in the Lion King. Just helpless. That's the last and as far as I can remember the first time I've heard Matt roar like that. It was scary for everyone that saw it. Then Matt proceeded to squeeze Logan's eyes like Mr Myagi squeezes the guys nose when he could just knock him out. It was like that, a moment of true self-mastery. So I assume Matt used his angry roar when he charged the huge dude in the truck, and the guy just took off as fast as he could. Seriously, all that threatening just to drive off like that. Needless to say, I was proud of Matt for not taking his guff. He won the battle and the war because he was prepared. Like a true scout. Not that we condone fighting at Bolts of Thunder, but a man's gotta protect himself when his parking space is on the line. Anyway, long story short, Matt is usually cute and cuddly as a koala, like you see him in the pictures above. But once every decade or so, someone with a huge ego and little expectation of anyone standing up to him comes around and transforms Matt from his cute and cuddly self into a lion. A Mufasa lion. So all you people idolizing Brad Pitt in that fight club movie, whatever it is, I don't think Brad Pitt would last more than 2 minutes in the ring with Matt. And Bolts of Thunder does way cooler stuff than blowing up buildings, like going to school and staying drug free. All you Thunder Bolts out there, be proud to be a part of the real fight club.

1 comment:

  1. what you want me to say it, you want to bring me down? I'm scared alright. Matt hart scares me and I think he is violent!

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