Can we get away with this?

Now it's time to talk about me. First off, I have no pictures of me. I'm so busy taking pictures of others all the time that I do not allot my own self the same benefits that Thundies are entitled to. But it's alright, because my ninth grade picture is here to entertain you, and that's all you should ever need. So funny story about this picture. A couple years ago I was buying something from a local skate shop in Provo. I don't want to bad mouth anyone, so I won't say which shop it was. But I will say that in order to work there, your hair must naturally be flaming red, your knowledge of skateboarding minimal, your personal skills rusty at best, and your skin turning into one giant freckle. Soul patches are encouraged but still optional. And the initials of the place are B.O.P, as is "bop", as in "Hmmbop", as made popular by the boy band Hanson in the nineties. The locals that frequent said shop are obviously embarrassed and uncomfortable in referring to this establishment as "Bop", so they usually just spell out the letters "B O P", but we all know what "B O P" really spells. Bop. So just come out and say it, because it'll liberate you. You are a Bopper...

Anyway, while checking out at this shop, which will remain unnamed as to not offend anyone (but keep in mind the physical characteristics of the owner/employees of the shop and its initials BOP. And did I mention that the physical address is roughly 480 N University, Provo Ut 84601. Roughly. Just so you know) because I will not be responsible for badmouthing any local shops, (and the place smells like Indian curry all the time because it's right next to a really good Indian restaurant. Because I fully endorse eating at this place, I will give you the name: Bombay House. Bombay House, you have Bolts of Thunder's approval) and I won't be the one to slander one's business, so while I was checking out of the store, I had to show ID so that they knew the card with which I was paying was indeed not stolen. I opened up my wallet and showed my drivers' licence, which exposed my ninth grade picture that I always keep in my wallet (to remind me that a man is capable of just about anything when he feels powerful) to the guy working at the counter. Now I won't say his name either, partly because I don't remember what it is, but I will say that this kid resembles the bully on "A Christmas Story". You know, the one that always has the "Peter and the Wolf" song playing when he laughs. He finally gets beat up by Ralphy. Anyway, the guy at the store that looks like the bully from "A Christmas Story" checked my ID, then he starred at my ninth grade picture for a minute. I observed the subtle changes in his demeanor as he beheld a higher form of intellect and subsequently threw it on the ground as a thing of not to be treaded under by the feat of men, as it were. He starred at the picture, then started to smile. But it wasn't the kind of smile you get when you're laughing with someone. It was the kind you get when you're laughing at someone. He looked at the picture, then at me, then started to laugh at me. Then he said, and I quote, "what was wrong with you?" "I used to be retarded," I replied. "Oh..." he said, finishing our epic conversation. Well, genius, if I used to be retarded, then I still am, so why are you asking what was wrong with me? Do you think that would make me feel better having to rehearse my handicaps to others, handicaps I have undoubtedly been harassed for at school. Is that your idea of promoting your business? Yes, this day, he had the last laugh at me...

So I guess that's all I have to say about my part. I haven't said anything about it, but I don't know what else to say... I will say this: it was fun to film a lot of new tricks that I've never done before. The majority of the tricks in my part are tricks that I've never done on film before or that I just barely learned. I'm glad I didn't do the exact same tricks that I've always done but changed it up a little. This part represents the stuff I've been skating a lot more lately: doing more flip tricks and the occasional ledge, courtesy of AJ. Not any big rails or roof ollies. Which is fine with me. Been there, felt that, my ankles don't want to get crushed into bone powder before I'm 30. But that also doesn't rule out the possibility of a good roof ollie if I ever feel so inclined, or the skating of a good handrail. We just don't have the best selection here in Provo. Anyway, I'm really happy that I got new tricks for my part, and that it was fun filming. I really didn't have any intention of making a third video until the summer started, so I wasn't filming anything until then. All my part was except one trick was filmed with on 5 skateboards with the same graphic. I also had 4 pairs of Reynolds 2 and 2 pairs of Romero 2. That's it, all the fun facts I can think of now. Now go shop at Legion, the guy that works there won't make fun of you. Oh yeah, and the shop I mentioned wasn't Milo, either, just so you know.