Matt Pace, the ninja and farmer

Giving Bruce Lee a lesson in ninja kicks, Matt Pace soars a power ollie over a street gap

Giving all of us lessons in fine agricultural maintenance, Matt Pace

gives us a taste of ripe melon all up in your face

This weekend Bolts of Thunder took a trip south to scout out new talents and skate new terrains. In the sunny city of St. George, we met up with local lifers and shredders Matt Pace, Tyson Cantrell, Joey Harding, Randy Delucchi, and whoever else you might know of that's from St. George and skates. While sniffing out new talents, Matt Pace showed us what a man high on skating can do over street gaps while perspective sponsors are on the line. But who are we kidding? Matt paved the way for Bolts of Thunder back in the early 2000s with his debut part in "Shred Zeppelin" and as far as we're concerned, he's been killing it ever since. So this post is just to publicly announce that Matt Pace is riding, has been riding, and will be riding high hop power boost ollies and melon grabs sponsored by Bolts of Thunder. Expect to see Matt in whatever it is that Bolts of Thunder puts out next whenever that may be... Welcome to the team, Matt!

Good times in 7th grade

Zak Smith thinking crazy thoughts...

Zak getting air-borne

Zak confused

Zak sick of me taking pictures of him

This post is in direct response to yesterday's post. Zak, thankful to be alive and full of pop, went out and ninja hopped over that same barrier. He did it as an expression of human vitality, spirit, and triumph. Thanks, Zak, for carrying the torch for us... In the last picture, are you thinking of giving me the finger? Don't do it, Zak, bad things happen when you start flashing limbs at me... Speaking of flipping people off, I just remembered flipping off Bobby when I was in 7th grade. Not skater Bobby from St. George, if any of you know him. He's my homie. But  other Bobby from St. George, the one that was in my scout troop... Oh yes, fighting at scout camp outs, that's where it used to be...

So Bobby was only 11, but the scout master gave him special permission to come with us on a week-long camp out somewhere in the mountains at this really pretty lake. That was the scout master's first mistake. Bobby, being younger than everyone there, felt he had to prove his manhood by threatening people with hatchets and such. That was the scout master's second mistake, giving Bobby permission to touch the hatchet. The kid didn't know how to swing the thing, he missed the log completely, and tried chopping a nice granite rock in half, chipping the hatchet and pissing off our scout master. Feeling even more stupid for what he did, Bobby then refused to let anyone else chop any wood with the hatchet because that might make him look like a fool. So he would slap this would log with the hatchet, not getting any closer to cutting it in half. It was starting to get dark, and we needed wood, so we got tired of him trying to chop this one piece, and someone tried taking the hatchet from him. Bobby freaked out and threatened to hit the kid with the hatchet. Then I think Matt might have tried taking it, and Bobby did the same thing. Being the Godfather-like figure that Matt is, he knows when he's supposed to fight, and he knows when someone's supposed to fight for him. This was the latter case.

So Matt walked up to me and was like, "Hey, go up to Bobby and try to get the hatchet from him, and if he pushes your or anything, beat him up!" I didn't think it would really come to blows, so I walked up to Bobby and said, "we need the hatchet to chop wood..." and I tried grabbing the hatchet. Bobby pushed me (I was 12, about the same size as him) and held up the hatchet like he'd hit me with it. There was a confrontation of words, I don't remember what I even said (nothing bad, just like, "dude, calm down, just give me the hatchet" something like that...) , then Bobby pushed me again. Years of scout training taught me to recognize an idiot when I saw one, and he was glowing on my radar. I was threw mincing words with him and decided to just start punching him. So that's what I did, punched him in the face a bunch of times. He immediately dropped the hatchet and flailed a couple swings but didn't make any contact. He then fell to his knees, putting his face in perfect level with my swinging arms, and I let him have it. He grabbed onto my sweater and just held on. I remember Matt was like, "Beat him up, Jonny!", Tom Henderson had a big smile on his face, Robert Shumate looked away and fled the scene, not wanting to be associated with violence, and everyone else was in shock that it had come to this. I pushed him to the ground, picked up the hatchet, then started chopping his own log right in front of him, as a statement that I was not to be effed with. Bobby tried telling on me, but the scout master disliked Bobby so much that he wouldn't even hear him out...


So then in 7th grade, a couple weeks later, Bobby would always call me names at school and talk about how he beat me up. I remember getting off the bus and he yelled, "Pussy!" out the window, so I flipped him off. Things escalated into another fist fight right outside of shop class where I got Bobby's blood on my Planet Earth shirt, and he ripped my shirt in half. I had go home looking like a caveman with a shirt that only had one arm hole and shoulder on it, the other half being completely ripped off. I put the ripped-off part under my backpack should strap and kind of covered my naked chest. Middle school is jungle rules...

A celebration of life

This post is a celebration of life, and the fact that Coleman did not lose his while getting his feet tripped up on this barrier. I'm glad he didn't because I really like the kid. We were all feeling it, Coleman just expressed it with his face - the pain that comes from not knowing. Not knowing if there will be a tomorrow, another chance to eat a hot meal or swim again. Just not knowing... This barrier moves, so Coleman was able to ninja his way out of it no problem. I say you go back and do it again, Coleman.

So as a celebration of life, I want all of you to go around the room and think of something about the people around you that you're grateful for. For example, I'm at school right now and this girl just walked in the room to clean the keyboards. I'm grateful that the girl cleans the keyboards so that I don't have to touch other people boogers that they left behind on the keys and get sick. Try it, it'll make you grateful for life and the people around you. And it'll make you realize how much bacteria you're exposed to and probably touching right now on your computer. Disgusting. Just crazy stuff.

Something really good to say

Today's post is yet another really quick one. My head is going to explode from school work, so I'm going to put up a picture of Tyler doing a 360 flip on this makeshift bank and let you think of what I would say if my head wasn't going to explode. I'd say some really good stuff, too. So think of something really good to say.

Actually, having a short post is a political statement. Yeah, Bolts of Thunder has gone political! Stickin it to the man has never been better, and Bolts of Thunder is at the forefront of stickin it . So take this as a really controversial, political post, featuring Tyler Braithewaite...

This week's Dave sightings

These pictures showed up on my doorstep this morning. With no more than a note reading "you ain't seen the last of me!" and a Hallmark thank you card with no signature, I assume these pictures are from Dave, torturing those of us that did not get out on time. Here is Dave showing the new school how to do the mid school on an old school. All were impressed. Once again, I don't know how Dave got a hold of this board or what his demands are, but we're holding out for now until we get more info. If you've seen him, think you've seen him, or have any information on the matter, please come forward. Thank you.

I told you Brandon Miller is just amazing

Some of you might not have believed me what I was saying last time about Brandon Miller. As a voucher, I have attached the following photo of Brandon getting upside down in a baby cradle as proof that his is the highest quality of person. As a student of law, Brandon has been preparing himself for this very moment his entire life. After serving a two-year service mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Brandon knew that law school was the career for him. Putting in countless hours studying, pondering, and examining case law, Brandon has prepared himself for what lies ahead as a lawyer. Being upside down on a skateboard is proof of that. In fact, after he passes the bar, Bolts of Thunder might just get rid of our current lawyer and hire Brandon on. We'll pay him in skateboards, and he can fight our battles for us. We'll get soft and lose our edge from not fighting so much in court, but Brandon will be strong. That's all we care about.

Well, you might not have thought I'd write today, but I did. And as soon as I came, I have to leave. School's calling, and it's got that distressed, anxious call, so I better tend to it, quick. And thanks, Maranda, for correcting my spelling of "alibi". That has been mentally noted in my dictionary. I only wish I knew that before the GRE...

Sweet 16

This week marks the celebration of Wizard's 16th birthday!!! Our little guy is finally coming of age. We made him go out and kill a lion to show all of us he's a man. I guess killing lions at zoos isn't all that hard, or heroic for that matter, and we're now looking at some serious jail time and upwards of 500K in fines... Bolts of Thunder's lawyer is working hard to get us out of this one though. We're sighting the Lesotho preservation of culture act of 1967 as our alloby. I don't know how to spell that word, spell check doesn't know either... So we have to convince the judge that Wizard is actually a white minority from the reservations of Lesotho. We have a chance... Anyway, happy birthday, Wizard. I put up some pictures of him to remind you of who Wizard is. In that second picture, Coleman plays a pretty intense game of Twister with himself, tying himself into a sort of human pretzel. We had to use my knowledge of knot-tying and 4 feet of rope to get him out of that position...

So we got skipped over in the Boy Scouts of America video! Yeah, remember like back in February, me, Matt, and Dan starred in some scouting promotional video. Dan stole the screen with is ripped abs and cut legs. So the guy finally finished the video and emailed me the youtube link. We're not in a single scene! We got cut! We got skipped over! "It was the way John Euroshcpebeck wanted it..." Well it wasn't the way I wanted it! I smart! Not. Dumb! I can figure things out! You came in the video after me, and I got skipped over! Maybe we should get our lawyer to go after the dude that made it, John Eurosphdkebeck, and we could shake him for some change... Pay Wizard's fees and all...

On a last note, I apologize for not writing yesterday. I thought my head was going to explode at some point between 3 and 11 pm, and it was just at that time I was supposed to write. Had I written, my brain would have shot out onto the computer key board and monitor. Then there'd be no more blog for anybody! So I didn't write. But I'm writing today, so that's that. So I woke up at 3 in the morning last night and couldn't fall back asleep until some time much later because I ate something bad yesterday. I have it narrowed down to 5 different food items that I'm going to completely eradicate from my fridge. And perhaps from my diet. At least for the next week.

As a second final note, I would just like to give my personal feelings regarding Brandon Miller and his character. Don't ask me why, but I just feel like I should vouch for him today... Brandon is among the finest of human beings. He is honorable, trustworthy, thrifty, and benevolent. It is my personal feeling that Brandon Miller will make any organization that he participates in better just by his very presence. If he speaks, that will multiply the effect by 2. If he participates in any other way, it will square that effect. And if he takes control and monopoly over that organization, he will raise his good impact to the 10th. So, if one were to ask me what kind of person Brandon Miller is, he is the finest of human beings that I know, and that's the truth.