Yes, Ben, we all wish our boards could twirl and spin in such a manner...

Man down

This is what the world's got me doing these days: lying face down in filth. I don't mind, and I do it without complaining most of the time.

Aaron Lopez

I just saw these pictures on my flash drive. I forgot they were even on there. This is Aaron Lopez doing what he does best. Skating. Actually, I don't know if that's what he does best. Maybe he's super amazing at something else, too. Either way, he's a ripper on his board, no doubt about that. Enjoy these high risk tricks for the day.

Say hello to my little friend

This is Chad. I don't know Chad's last name, so we'll just call him Chad for now. He's "Chad Skater" in my phone, so you can refer to him as such if you wish. Or just Chad, like we said in the first place. So this is Chad's debut on the Bolts of Thunder blog, but I don't even have a face shot of him. You'll just have to wonder what he really looks like until I get on the ball and start documenting this stuff. So Chad's from Mapleton, which they tell me is farther south than Springville. Almost every time I think about Springville, I think of two things and a person. The person is David Law. He's from there, and I believe he partially owns that park or something. One of the things I think of is the park, and more specifically, the half pipe. I love that thing. The other thing I think of is this time I saw this cop show on TV where they'd hide all these cameras in a hotel room and bust people for prostitution and stuff like that. I guess it's entertaining to watch people ruin their lives on national television...

So this one show that I always think about when I think of Springville was they were doing this sting operation in a hotel in Springville. This guy wanted to buy a hitman to put down his wife because she cheated on him. So this undercover cop must have read the dude's wanted add in the paper or saw it on Craig's List or something, because he was posing as a hitman. The cop met the dude at this hotel, and the guy agreed to pay him for his life-taking services. As soon as he paid the money, like 5 cops busted through the door and tackled the guy down. He put up a small fight and just kind of squirmed on the ground, like William H Macy at the end of Fargo when they catch him in that hotel room trying to escape. Then the dude cried like a baby. I mean, a full man baby, with snot coming out of his eyes and nose and everything. It was pretty sad. Anyway, that's the lovely memory I usually have when I think of Springville, just after I think of David Law and the skatepark. So Chad, even though you're not from Springville, we've got our eye on you, and you better not try and pull any fast ones on nobody because you never know, we might be undercover cops...

Another interview with a super hero

Let me just sum it all up for you: Dan is amazing. With whatever he does, he does it with an inexplicably large does of awesomeness and ease. Not to say he doesn't work hard because I don't know anyone that works harder than him. Seriously, I'm not lying when I say that. He studied for 12-14 hours a day for a couple months straight for the GRE. I think I almost convinced him to make a little contraption to pee into when he was studying so he wouldn't have to get up for potty breaks. It would have consisted of a garden hose, a smith's plastic bag, and some duct tape. Anyway, I've known Dan for about 10 years now, we lived with each other for 3 years, and he never ceases to amaze me every time I'm with him. I have more stories from living and hanging out with Dan than almost any other person, and most of them sound unreal to people that don't know him. Like the time he rode Titanic style on his bike down from Sundance with his eyes closed, or the time he chased after the bear that had stolen his backpack, or the time that he cried when he got a shinner in my front yard... We all thought Dan was completely indestructible until we finally discovered his Achilles heal: his shins. Like I've seen Dan slam and hit his head and just keep skating like nothing happened. But this one time he was doing 360 flips and the board got him in the shin and he was out the rest of the day. Tears were shed, and my mom even tried to help him while he was lying in the street. I don't know why I'm going off on this, but I guess it's good to know that every super hero has their weakness... Anyway, Dan is one of my best friends and favorite people to hang out with. You're guaranteed good and memorable times when you're with him; Dan never lets you down when it comes to having fun. With this really long intro, I should just let you read his interview now. Here he is, in the cyber flesh:

(MrBoltsofThunder) So what's changed in your life since the last time we interviewed you (last summer)?

(Dan) I started dental school and thats pretty much it. I'm smarter than i was before i guess. some friendships have been strengthened and others were kindled.  

How many woman would you say, on average, you seduce in a single month?

haha. these past months have really thrown off my average. to my knowledge, i have seduced zero girls in a long time. 

I asked you this last time, but I need to ask you again. What's it like being a super hero? How does it feel to be virtually indestructible?

im not a super hero, although i wish i were. I love to get the maximum potential out of my body. i consider it a blessing to have a fully functional set of arms and legs to do cool things with. I like to feel powerful and agile. i guess thats why i do the sports that i do. indestructible? not at all. haha. I've really beaten myself up in the past while trying to push the limit on the bike and the snowboard mostly. Nothing terribly bad that i haven't been able to recover from has happened yet. 

How many stairs have you tail whipped on a razor scooter?

haha. probably like 7. 

That last question was just to counter any rebuttals you might have had against the super hero question. Nobody can tailwhip stairs on a razor scooter, but you have. So now what do you have to say about being a super hero? 

razer scootering isn't the coolest thing out there. i am aware of that. i also add that this was probably like 12 years ago. i like to try everything though, as long as its fun.  

What's your IQ? I'm curious to know...

haha. never checked. probably low. natural intelligence isn't one of my strong points. my brain works slow. 

Now let's talk video talk. What were some of your favorite highlights from the last Bolts of Thunder video?

Again, i like Dave's part the most. he rips. The movie was so creative and well put together. its not just about competitive skateboarding. it also shows the tight bond we have in the bolts of thunder family. 

What would you like to see in the new bolts of Thunder video?

looking forward to seeing some of the newest thunder bolt's parts. The kids that i don't know.

What direction do you see Bolts of Thunder going in? What is our future?

i hope we just keep it real. ya know. stick to our roots and let the whole world see it. 

One of my favorite stories from your European excursion last year was that night you got locked out of Margaret's place because Matchew was too drunk or stoned to open the door for you. As I recall you had to walk a couple hours to the train station to catch your train to London and had all kinds of amazing adventures on the way.

What happened there? shoot. worst night ever. long story. here goes...

i was walking up to margarets house making a video on my phone about how fortunate i felt for having arrived at my destination safe and happy. i got to the door and couldn't get in. waited outside with a crazy dude that wanted to get a hotel with me and told me so over and over for over an hour. i gave up trying to get in at  about one AM. told that dude to stop following me. walked through the bad part of town to mcdonalds. mcdonalds closed so I'm back on the street. guy felt sorry for me and offered me 10 euro. didn't take it.  kept on walking through ghetto paris. other crazy dude follows me for ten minutes asking me to pay him for sexual favors which he acted out with his hands and his mouth (prices started at 20 euro and went down to 0.00 euro). thats free! got away from that dude.  guy three followed me from behind for a bit. got away from him after a bit too. got to the north train station at 430. it was a place that was safe enough for the bums which was good enough for me. i slept an hour in front of the doors of the train station. woke up with a big group around me, they were trying to get in but i was blocking the door asleep on the ground. got on the chunnel to london at 6 am. slept one hour. had my finger on the trigger of my pepper spray the whole time. 

My other favorite story from Europe is your romantic escapade in the land of Cinque Terre. What happened there and what inspires a man to carry a bike over mountains in the hopes of partaking of the forbidden fruit?

i was determined to get some. i had to get at least a little before i left europe and i didn't wanna pay for it. she was gorgeous and i haven't spoken to her since. she lives in isreal. we hiked together, kissed on the beach. explored beautiful towns together and then slept next to each other in the hostel . i was on the ground next to her bed. parted ways after breakfast. 24 hours total. 

What are your dreams and ambitions?

Oral surgeon. stay active. keep friendships and make a family.

Ok, so let's get back into some Bolts of Thunder scenarios. First off, you and Matt were pretty much neck to neck last year in being the preferred cast away mate on an island. How does that make you feel? I mean, people that don't even know you chose you because of the awesome stories they hear of you. What is it about you that makes people want to be stranded on an island with you? Dave even forwent his option of having tools on the island. He said as long as you were there, he'd be just fine. 

we would fulfill different purposes. nobody would want to eff with matt. I like to have fun. i take my resources and try to maximize fun from the situation. 

A new scenario. So this year we're facing the zombie apocalypse. Who out of the Bolts of Thunder crew would you chose to have with you during the zombie apocalypse? And how would you stay alive? Would you just hide out, hunt zombies, what would you do?

id go with you Jon. we saw the road together and we know what to expect. we would hide out probably until we got hold of a tank of some sort. we would keep it safe but wed kill a zombie or two for sport when it didn't jeopardize our safety. 

Now let's say that the entire Bolts of Thunder crew is together and well armed. We're being surrounded by zombies on all sides, and a lot of them at that. How would Bolts of Thunder survive? Or how would we make our final stand? Who do you see being a hero?

we would let matt take the lead and we would tear a whole through the crowd. wed stay huddled together. all of us shooting from in every direction til we got to safety. sort of like in godzilla when they escaped from madison square gardens from the baby godzillas. 

Last question. I remember you trying to tell me why it's easier to do a backflip off a 60 foot cliff rather than a regular jump. Why is that? Try to explain in a way that us mere mortals will comprehend.

you don't have to watch yourself fall. you just have to slow your rotation and spot your landing at the end. 

Anything you'd like to say to end this interview? 

Thanks Jon. i hope to get some cool footage for the next video.

More story time with Uncle Jon

So Matt brought up a funny incident from our childhood in his interview a couple days ago. It was the incident of beating up Bobby at our scout camp out. Yeah, scouts are supposed to be all cute and cuddly and what not, but this time things got out of hand. Words were said, things happened, fists were thrown, blood was shed... Actually, I don't think there was any blood. But Bobby's face was red, I can tell you that much... So I was 12 at the time, and it was the summer. We were heading up to bear fish lake with my scout troop for a week long camping trip. Me and Matt actually showed up a couple days late because we had a golf tournament the first couple days of it. So my dad drove us up half way through the week and hiked up with us to the camp site. What a trooper... So as soon as we got there, everyone started filling us in on how utterly annoying Bobby was, the 11 almost 12 year old new comer to the troop that thought our troop ran on prison rules rather than good old fashioned Western hospitality, which meant he tried intimidating people twice his size into letting him play with ropes and stuff like that. Our scout master, one of them at least, really hated him too because he was trying to chop a log and missed the log and hit a rock, leaving a nice solid chip in the hatchet. I remember the scout master, John Ward (a man among children, he was...), muttering under his breath, "there's always gotta be at least one stupid kid in the troop..." John Ward hated most people, so him hating Bobby wasn't too impressive. But still, Robert Schumate even hated Bobby, which Robert was nice to all and indifferent to most situations, so seeing him take a stance against Bobby was quite a feat on Bobby's part.

You know what, I think I might have already told this story on the blog... I don't care. I'm telling it again. You don't remember it anyway...

So we got to the camping site, and everyone was way pissed at Bobby. After a couple hours around the kid, I understood full well why. The kid was an idiot, straight up. The next day we were there, everyone was seriously about to blow up on Bobby, but nobody had the nerve. It was getting towards dinner time, and we needed to get some good firewood to cook our food. But Bobby had claimed the hatchet for his own personal use, and he refused to let anyone chop wood with it, making it hard to collect wood, and pissing the aitch out of everyone. What was worse was Bobby couldn't even land a successful blow on the wood he was trying to chop. Every time he came down upon it, his wrists went limp, the pansy that he was, and the hatchet blade just slapped the wood sideways instead of cutting into it. After about an hour of Bobby trying to cut through a little log and making no progress, Zack Warner, the autistic, psychotic, video game addicted, on the verge of exploding on you all the time kid of the troop (every troop has to have at least one of those kids too. Side story: on the way home from our first trip to Havasupi, Brian got in a fight with Zack Warner in Zack's dad's suburban in the parking lot of Denny's in Kingman, AZ because Zack stunk up the car with his farts. Brian bit Zack's fingers after Zack tried gagging Brian by ramming his fingers down Brian's throat. No joke! Bit his fingers hard, and Zack screamed pretty loud. I watched in awe from the parking lot as the entire thing quickly escalated from farting to biting) where was I?.. Oh yeah, Zack tried getting the hatchet from Bobby, but Bobby pushed Zack away, held up the hatchet like he was going to hit him with it, and said, "don't touch my log!" He was very protective of his log... So then Matt came up to me and said, "Jonny, go up to Bobby and try to take the hatchet, and if he pushes you, beat him up!" I didn't think it'd seriously come to blows, but being the obedient brother that I am, I followed through. So I went up to Bobby, told him I wanted to chop the log, tried to grab the hatchet that was now on the ground, and Bobby pushed me back and held up the hatchet at me. Now I go into the discourse between me and Bobby:
Me: Dude! Calm down man, I just want to chop the log!
Bobby: Don't touch my log!

Ok, the rest is fuzzy, but Bobby said he would beat me up, so I beat him to the punch, literally, and started punching him right in the face. As I rained down blows upon him, Bobby could do nothing but grab my sweater to hold himself up, which set him up perfectly right in front of me, unarmed. I don't know how many times I punched him, but I remember while I was, Robert Shumate walked off really fast so he wouldn't be associated with it, Matt was laughing and yelling out, "Hit him, Jonny!!!" and everyone else stood around in shock, having probably never seen a fight before. I finally threw Bobby on the ground, having just accomplished a flawless victory over my opponent. I guess it would have been a good time to use my fatality and rip his spine out, but I spared him. I instead grabbed the hatchet and started chopping it right in front of him to prove a point: ... Well, there was no point, but don't push me! The only other thing I remember from that camp out was getting sun burnt super bad and wanting to kill the fat kid at the camping store that said the sleeping pad I bought was really comfortable. That quarter of an inch piece of foam crap did nothing for me. If you're going to go through the trouble of carrying in a sleeping pad, why not bring in a good one? Anyway, that was the rest of the trip.

Back at school a couple weeks later, Bobby was under the impression that he had beaten me up and I was terribly afraid of him. He'd always call me names and stuff in the hall. Then he'd give me the real evil eye during deacon's quorum. So finally one day after 7th period shop class, Bobby challenged me to fight again. He sucker punched me as I walked out of my class, and then he proceeded to hold onto the collar of my shirt as I proceeded forth to rain blows upon him once again. This time he fell to the ground, ripping my Planet Earth shirt in half. So I was at school with a ripped in half shirt... I had to keep my backpack on after that so the shoulder strap would hold my shirt together. That sucked.

Thinking back on it, Bobby probably had some kind of messed up childhood that made him really insecure and think he had to beat up people to be tough. So don't fight kids, it'll mess you up...

Cutting rocks to fakie

I don't know why I put these up. They're two older pictures of me doing rock to fakies in big scary cement half pipes. That's really it, nothing else to say about that. Actually, that first picture reminded me of this time that I followed Dan in jumping off this big drop onto a pile of rocks. We were out in the mountains scoping out a good camping spot for that weekend. We flew too close to the sun on wings of camping and found ourselves trapped up on this steep, unfriendly mountain. We seriously could find no other down but jumping off this 6 or 7 foot drop onto this really steep pile of little rocks. Dan assured me that it was perfectly safe and that nothing in the world could ever possibly go wrong. Because for Dan, nothing ever does. Seriously, nothing. Ever. So Dan jumped off just fine, then I made the mistake of thinking that I was as limber, fortunate, cat-like, elven-like, or down right lucky as Dan. I followed him off the ledge, my knee landed on the edge of this sharp, large rock (seriously the only large rock in this big pile of small rocks. The only rock that wouldn't budge when you landed on it) and cut open my pants and knee. I have this straight scar going across my knee, it looks like it was a knife cut or something. But that scar has since been covered by several others, so you can't really even see it now. Anyway, those pants still have the straight cut going across the knee. But we did still end up finding a great spot to camp and had fun that weekend...